Big Mother Government

  • Aired:  08/14/13
  •  | Views: 67,885

The White House hires "nudge" experts to influence Americans' behavior and to get Joe Biden to stop drinking from the toilet. (2:49)

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY.

THANKS SO MUCH.

FOLKS, AS MEMBERS OF THE COLBERT

NATION, I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU

THAT BARACK OBAMA LOVES BIG

GOVERNMENT.

NEED PROOF?

IN 1790 THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT

HAD POWER OVER 13 STATES.

UNDER OBAMA?

50.

AND SURPRISE, SURPRISE, THE LAST

ONE IS HAWAII.

FROM THERE MUCH?

WELL, BRACE YOURSELF, FOLKS.

OBAMA IS AT IT AGAIN.

>> A SEEMINGLY WELL INTENTIONED

GOVERNMENT INITIATIVE IS RAISING

SOME SERIOUS QUESTIONS ABOUT BIG

BROTHER.

THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT IS NOW

HIRING BEHAVIORAL EXPERTS TO

LOOK FOR WAYS TO INFLUENCE

AMERICANS' BEHAVIOR.

>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT.

THE WHITE HOUSE IS HIRING

BEHAVIORAL EXPERTS.

AND THIS TIME IT'S NOT TO GET

JOE BIDEN TO STOP DRINKING OUT

OF THE TOILET.

SEE, THE ADMINISTRATION IS

TRYING OUT A PSYCHOLOGY TRICK

CALLED A NUDGE WHICH ENCOURAGES

BEHAVIOR SUBTLY RATHER THAN

OUTRIGHT REQUIRES IT.

NOW A NUDGE IS IS NOT TO BE

CONFUSED WITH SOMEONE FORCING

YOU TO DO SOMETHING AT GUN

POINT.

THAT'S CALLED A NUGE.

AND LIKE ALL OF OBAMA'S IDEAS,

FOLKS, HE GOT THIS ONE FROM OUR

ENEMIES IN EUROPE.

FOR INSTANCE, IN AMSTERDAM'S

SKIP-OLE INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

MANAGEMENT PAINTED PICTURES OF

HOUSE FLIES ON THE URINALS IN

THE MEN'S ROOM AND THE QUANTITY

OF MISDIRECTED URINE IS SAID TO

HAVE FALLEN BY 80%.

ALTHOUGH, YES, IMPRESSIVE.

ALTHOUGH THE QUANTITY OF

SUICIDES BY GOVERNMENT URINE

TRACKERS SKYROCKETED.

FOLKS, THIS NUDGING IS NOTHING

MORE THAN OBAMA ADMINISTRATION

CONTROLLING US WITH GUILT.

THIS IS WORSE THAN BIG BROTHER.

THIS IS BIG MOTHER.

BEFORE LONG, YOU WILL BE GETTING

US TO CONSERVE ELECTRICITY LIKE

THIS.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO USE A COMPACT

FLUORESCENT BULB IF YOU DON'T

WANT TO.

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

YOU'VE GOT MORE IMPORTANT THINGS

TO DO.

I'LL JUST SIT HERE IN THE DARK

NO, NO, I'LL DO IT.

NO, I'M USEDDED TO THE DARK.

WHEN I WAS IN LABOR WITH YOU, I

HAD MY EYES CLENCHED SHUT FOR

THE ENTIRE 28 HOURS.

IT WAS LIKE BEING BURIED.

PLEASE, JUST LET ME PUT THE BULB

IN.

NO, YOU JUST GO OUT WITH THAT

GIRL AND HAVE FUN.

YOUR FATHER WOULD PUT THEM IN

BUT HE'S GONE NOW.

HE SAID HE WOULD TAKE CARE OF ME

BUT I GUESS THAT WAS JUST BETH

DEAD TALK.

I'M GETTING THE LADDER.

ARE YOU SURE?

I WANT TO CHANGE THE BULB.

AS LONG AS YOU WANT TO THERE'S A

CRATE OF BULBS OUT IN THE

GARAGE.

THANK YOU, DARLING.

WE'LL BE RIGHT

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