Sport Report - Gatorade Chemicals & Chicken Wing Shortage

  • Aired:  01/31/13
  •  | Views: 23,537

Gatorade without flame retardant is like hotdogs without pig sphincter, and chicken thieves run a-fowl as wing prices fly high. (4:28)

[ LAUGHTER ]

NEXT UP, MY JOB IS TO LOOK OUT FOR THE AMERICAN PUBLIC.

FOR INSTANCE, I ALWAYS SCREAM "CAR!" WHENEVER I'M ABOUT TO HIT SOMEONE WITH MY CAR.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND RIGHT NOW, I'VE GOT A GAME DAY WARNING FOR YOU ABOUT GATORADE.

>> GO TO YOUR FRIDGE, GRAB A BOTTLE A GATORADE.

LOOK AT THE INGREDIENTS.

ONE NO LONGER IS THERE.

THAT WOULD BE FLAME RETARDANT.

YES, FLAME RETARDANT.

>> THE SUBSTANCE IS CALLED BVO-- BROMINATED VEGETABLE OIL.

IT KEEPS THE INGREDIENTS FROM SEPARATING.

>> Stephen: FOLKS, THIS IS AN OUTRAGE.

THEY'RE MESSING WITH A CLASSIC AMERICAN RECIPE.

GATORADE WITHOUT BVO IS LIKE HOTDOGS WITHOUT PIG SPHINCTER,

[ LAUGHTER ]

OR APPLE PIE WITHOUT APPLE SPHINCTER.

[ LAUGHTER ]

OH, IT'S IN THERE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THANK GOD GATORADE STILL HAS THE REST OF IT'S ESSENTIAL INGREDIENTS: MONOPOTASSIUM PHOSPHATE, YELLOW

DIE NUMBER FIVE, AND GLYCEROL ESTER OF WOOD ROSIN.

OH, "ESTER OF WOOD ROSIN": MY FAVORITE NEW CHARACTER ON "DOWNTON ABBEY."

[ LAUGHTER ]

ANYWAY, I'M STILL GONNA BE SERVING GATORADE AT MY SUPER BOWL PARTY.

AND, FOLKS, THERE IS NO SUPER BOWL PARTY MORE ROCKIN' THAN THE ANNUAL BASH AT CAPTAIN COLBERT'S

GOODTIME HOUSE OF BALLS-OUT KICKIN' IT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THE WHOLE WRECKING CREW IS GONNA BE THERE: LOU DAWG, SMALL-FACE TOMMY, EDDIE PANTS-PLEATS,

AND VINNIE THE DENTIST.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WE CALL HIM THAT BECAUSE HE'S A DENTIST.

I DO A BASEMENT TAILGATE.

LET ME TELL YOU, AFTER THREE OR FOUR BREEZIES AND 20 MINUTES INDOORS WITH MY IDLING CHEVY

TAHOE, NO ONE WALKS OUT UNDER THEIR OWN POWER.

YOU HAVE TO LOVE PEOPLE THAT APPLAUD BRAIN DAMAGE.

LIKE NFL FANS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

OF COURSE, PEOPLE COME FOR THE SIGNATURE SNACKS, LIKE MY WORLD-FAMOUS EIGHT MEAT CHILI.

THIS YEAR I EVEN HAVE A VEGETARIAN VERSION, WITH ONLY SIX MEATS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT THE PARTY'S IN DANGER OF MISSING OUT ON THE MAIN MEAT.

>> GUESS WHAT? SHORTAGE OF CHICKEN WINGS.

>> YOUR SUPER BOWL CHICKEN WINGS ARE GOING TO BE MORE EXPENSIVE THIS YEAR AND HARDER TO GET.

>> LAST YEAR'S SEVERE DROUGHT LED TO FEWER CHICKENS AND THEREFORE FEWER CHICKEN WINGS.

>> $2.52.

THAT'S WHAT A POUND OF CHICKEN WINGS WILL COST YOU THIS YEAR - A RECORD FOR SUPER BOWL SUNDAY.

>> Stephen: $2.52 FOR A POUND OF FOOD?

WHERE ARE THEY RAISING THESE CHICKENS?

IN A PLACE WITH ACCESS TO LIGHT?

[ LAUGHTER ]

UNTIL WE GET THIS WING SITUATION UNDER CONTROL, I'M CALLING ON SCIENCE TO DISCOVER WAYS TO

BUFFALO OTHER NORMALLY DISCARDED CHICKEN PARTS.

I'M TALKING THE HEAD-SKIN, THE BEAK LIPS, THE CANKLES.

[ LAUGHTER ]

'CUZ, NO SURPRISE, WITH WING PRICES FLYING HIGH AND REFUSING TO DIP, THIEVES WITH STICKY

FINGERS ARE RUNNING A-FOWL OF THE LAW AND CREATING QUITE A FLAP-- HONEY MUSTARD.

[ LAUGHTER ]

JIM?

>> POLICE HAVE ARRESTED TWO MEN THAT ALLEGEDLY STOLE $65,000 WORTH OF CHICKEN WINGS FROM THE

FROZEN FOOD DISTRIBUTION CENTER.

>> POLICE SAY THE MEN USED A FORKLIFT TO LOAD TEN PALLETS OF TYSON CHICKEN WINGS ON TO A

RENTAL TRUCK.

>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT, THEY PULLED OFF A $65,000 WING HEIST, WHICH I BELIEVE IS ALSO THE PLOT

OF "OCEAN'S 19."

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW, THE THIEVES WERE APPREHENDED AND CHARGED, BUT THE WINGS WERE NEVER FOUND.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHERE COULD THEY BE?!

[ LAUGHTER ]

POINT IS, IF YOU ARE ONE OF THE FORTUNATE WHO MANAGED TO GET SOME WINGS FOR THE SUPER BOWL,

FOR GOD'S SAKE, BE SMART AND PUT A PADLOCK ON THEM.

OOOH-- BUFFALO PADLOCK.

[ LAUGHTER ]

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