Debate Hype & Mitt's Strategy

  • Aired:  10/02/12
  •  | Views: 13,808

Reporters exaggerate the importance of the first debate, and Mitt prepares one-liners for his silver-tongued opponent. (3:35)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY, THANKS SO MUCH.

FOLKS, THERE IS ONLY ONE NEWS STORY ANYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT TODAY?

TOMORROW'S BLOCKBUSTER PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE IN DENVER!

THE MILE-HIGH MATCHUP.

THE UP ENDER IN DENVER.

THE THRILLA BETWEEN CHOCOLATE AND VANILLA.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) I CANNOT OVERSTATE THE IMPORTANCE OF THIS DEBATE BECAUSE THE T.V. ALREADY HAS.

>> ON THURSDAY MORNING THE ENTIRE NARRATIVE OF THIS RACE IS GOING TO CHANGE.

>> STRONG PERFORMANCE BY ROMNEY COULD CHANGE EVERYTHING.

>> THE DEBATE NIGHT THAT COULD CHANGE EVERYTHING.

>> OF COURSE THE NIGHT COULD CHANGE EVERYTHING.

>> YES, THE DEBATE COULD CHANGE EVERYTHING.

THE PAST TWO YEARS OF RELENTLESS CAMPAIGNING WILL MEAN JACK SQUAT.

TOTAL RESET BACK TO YEAR ZERO OF AMERICA.

WE WILL ABANDON THE CITIES AND SEEK REFUGE IN CLIFF SIDE CAVES SPEAKING ONLY IN HUSHED TONES ABOUT THE TIME MAN STOLE FIRE

FROM THE SKY.

MONEY FOR OUR CURRENCY SHOULD BE BLOOD SACRIFICE OFFERED TO OUR NEW RULERS, A RACE OF SUPERINTERGENT FERAL CATS.

(LAUGHTER) OH, SHOW US YOUR MERCY, WHISKERED ONES.

(LAUGHTER) OR-- OR ROMNEY COULD GET A TWO-POINT BUMP.

EITHER WAY IT'S NEWS.

(LAUGHTER) RIGHT NOW, FOLKS, THE OBAMA PEOPLE WHERE ARE DECEMBER IT FROMLY TRYING TO LOWER EXPECTATIONS.

IT'S SAD, JUST LISTEN TO OBSCENE YOUR ADVISOR AND ANTHROPOMORPHIZED VANISHING SOUND DAVID PLOUFFE.

(LAUGHTER) JIM?

>> WE'VE ACCEPTED THAT GOVERNOR ROMNEY WILL HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.

HE'S PREPARED MORE THAN ANY CANDIDATE IN HIMSELFRY AND SHOWN HIMSELF TO BE A GOOD DEBATER THROUGH THE YEARS.

WE'RE SURE HE'LL PUT ON QUITE A SHOW WEDNESDAY.

>> YES, IF THERE'S ONE WORD AMERICA ASSOCIATES WITH MITT ROMNEY IT'S "SHOW." (LAUGHTER) MEANWHILE, THE ROMNEY PEOPLE

AREN'T PLAYING THESE SILLY GAMES.

THEY'RE JUST BEING HONEST WHEN THEY HAIL THE PRESIDENT AS A UNIQUELY GIFTED SPEAKER WHO IS WIDELY REGARDED AS ONE OF THE

MOST TALENTED POLITICAL COMMUNICATORS IN MODERN HISTORY.

(LAUGHTER) YES!

HE'S A ONE-IN-A-GENERATION STATESMAN WHOSE RHETORICAL GIFT TOUCHED THE HUMAN SOUL!

WHEN HE SPEAKS SPARROWS OF THE WOOD ALIGHT UPON BARACK'S SHOULDERS AS THEY DID UPON SAINT FRANCIS OF ASSISI.

HE'S NO MERE MAN HE'S A SILVER-TONGUED ANGEL WHOSE WORDS CAN CURE THE SICK, SOOTHE THE TROUBLED AND BE USED AS A

FLOTATION DEVICE IN AN T EVENT OF A WATER LANDING.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) SO ROMNEY-- SO ROMNEY HAS GOT NO CHANCE AND HERE'S HOW HE'S GOING TO WIN.

>> WORD ON THE STREET IS THAT MITT ROMNEY HAS BEEN PRACTICING ZINCERS SINCE AUGUST.

>> THE GOVERNOR'S CAMPAIGN SAID THEY'RE PREPARED A BUNCH OF ZINGERS OR ONE LINER.

>> SYNCERS.

>> SYNCERS.

>> Stephen: SYNCERS.

BECAUSE AMERICANS NEED TO KNOW THAT THEIR LEADER HAS A WELL HONED SENSE OF SYNC.

(LAUGHTER) ON DAY ONE OUR NEW PRESIDENT MUST BE ABLE TO FACE IRAN'S LEADER AND ASK HIM IF THE PLACE

WHERE HE BOUGHT THAT SHIRT ALSO HAS A MEN'S DEPARTMENT.

(LAUGHTER) THEN MAYBE SOME SNAPS.

YO MAHMOUD'S SO FAST, WHEN HE GETS AROUND AN EMBARGO, HE GETS AROUND AN EMBARGO!

(LAUGHTER) GOOD LUCK, MITT.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)