Canada's Grinch

  • Aired:  11/27/12
  •  | Views: 50,645

A 24-year-old man delivers sickening Yuletide news: There is no Santa Claus in Canada. (3:15)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE "REPORT," EVERYBODY!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) THANK YOU SO MUCH!

CHANGE SO MUCH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) (AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN") THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

YOU'RE TOO KIND.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) FOLKS, FOLKS I WISH EVERYBODY AT HOME COULD BE HERE IN THE STUDIO TONIGHT.

THESE PEOPLE HAVE MADE ME FEEL LIKE KING OF THE ROAD.

(LAUGHTER) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

NATION, I AM HAPPY.

IT'S THE CHRISTMAS SEASON.

OR AS MY JEWISH VIEWERS CALL IT: CHRISTMAS.

(LAUGHTER) NO EXCEPTIONS.

BUT THERE IS ONE BIT OF YULETIDE NEWS THAT'S MAKING VISIONS OF ANGER PLUMS DANCE IN MY HEAD.

JIM?

>> ONE MAN'S HEART IS TWO SIZES TOO SMALL THIS HOLIDAY SEASON.

HE WAS ARRESTED IN CANADA FOR LYING AND TELLING KIDS THAT SANTA CLAUS DOESN'T EXIST.

24-YEAR-OLD MAN WALKED THE PARADE ROUTE IN ONTARIO SAYING "SANTA'S NOT FOR REAL."

>> Stephen: NATION, THIS STORY SICKENS ME.

THIS CANADIAN GRINCH JUST LET THE CAT OUT OF THE BAG.

OR, AS THEY SAY IN CANADA, THE BEAVER OUT OF THE BEAVER PELT SATCHEL.

(LAUGHTER) THEY'VE GOT A LOT OF BEAVERS UP THERE.

IT'S ACTUALLY SOMETHING OF A PROBLEM.

(LAUGHTER) BUT WHAT CAN I SAY?

THERE'S NO POINT DENYING IT ANYMORE: THERE IS NO SANTA CLAUS (AUDIENCE REACTS) IN CANADA.

(LAUGHTER) OKAY?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) DOWN HERE HE'S REAL, OKAY?

AND HE BRINGS TOYS TO ALL THE GOOD GIRLS AND BOYS-- JUST NOT IN CANADA.

(LAUGHTER) SOMETIMES HE FLIES OVER CANADA ON HIS WAY TO AMERICA FROM THE NORTH POLE AND OCCASIONALLY

HE'LL STOP AT A TIM HORTON'S SO HIS REINDEER CAN USE THE BATHROOM.

(LAUGHTER) WORD TO THE WISE: DON'T GO IN AFTER DONNER, OKAY?

(LAUGHTER) THERE'S A REASON HIS NAME IS GERMAN FOR "THUNDER." (LAUGHTER) BUT HE DOESN'T STOP IN CANADA.

I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT.

A FLYING BEARDED MAN DELIVERING TOYS ALL OVER THE WORLD IN A SINGLE NIGHT?

THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

HE ONLY HAS TIME TO DO IT IN ONE COUNTRY.

SO OBVIOUSLY HE'S GOING WITH AMERICA.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) WHY DO YOU THINK PEOPLE COME FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD TO LIVE HERE?

OUR HEALTH CARE?

NO.

(LAUGHTER) WE HAVE SANTA.

SO DON'T WORRY, CANADIAN KIDS, YOU STILL HAVE A SANTA, IT'S JUST A CANADIAN SANTA.

EVERY YEAR I BELIEVE IT ROTATES TO A DIFFERENT CANADIAN CELEBRITY.

LAST YEAR IT WAS NELLY FURTADO-CLAUS.

THIS YEAR IT'S RUSH.

SO THAT JINGLE YOU HEAR ON THE ROOF

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