Dish Network's AutoHop Service

  • Aired:  06/26/12
  •  | Views: 6,798

Dish Network could force hardworking TV folk to do more integrated product placement just to put food on the table -- and not just any food. (3:36)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: THANK YOU,

EVERYBODY.%w WELCOME BACK.

NATION, YOU KNOW, I HAVE BEEN IN THE T.V. BIZ FOR A LONG TIME AND THERE ARE THREE RULES IN THIS

INDUSTRY: MOISTURIZE THE MONEY MAKER, DO WHATEVER YOU CAN TO FILL TIME AND DO WHATEVER YOU

CAN TO FILL TIME.

(LAUGHTER) ALSO, FOURTH RULE: ADVERTISEMENTS.

NOTHING ON THE MAGIC BOX IS POSSIBLE WITHOUT THE SPONSORS.

AND IT'S THE DUTY OF EVERY AMERICAN TO WATCH THEM THAT'S WHY I WAS OUTRAGED TO HEAR DISH

NETWORK IS INTRODUCING A NEW SERVICE CALLED AUTOHOP THAT ALLOWS YOU TO SKIP ADS ALL TOGETHER.

NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH DISH NETWORK'S OTHER SERVICE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO SKIP TELEVISION

DURING CLOUDY DAYS.

(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE) NICE TO HAVE A BREAK, WATCH THE RAIN COME DOWN.

FOLKS, WE'RE TALKING FULL-ON AD REMOVAL.

NOT YOUR QUAINT FAST FORWARDING THROUGH COMMERCIALS ON TIVO-- WHICH I HAVE FOUND A WAY AROUND

BY HAVING MY SPONSORS AIR THEIR ADS IN SUPER SLOW-MO.

(LAUGHTER) YOU SHOULD HEAR THE SOUND HE MAKES WHEN YOU PUT ANYMORE THE OVEN.

AND, FOLKS, I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE OUTRAGED BY THIS BECAUSE DISH AND ITS ADD HOPPER SERVICE IS

BEING SUED BY CBS, FOX, AND NBC... ALL THE MAJOR NETWORKS!

AND NBC!

NATION, THIS IS A DISASTER.

IF T.V. NETWORKS GET RID OF ADS,

HARD-WORKING T.V. FOLK LIKE ME WILL BE FORCED TO DO MORE INTEGRATED PRODUCT PLACEMENT ON

THEIR SHOWS JUST TO PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE.

AND NOT JUST ANY FOOD.

(LAUGHTER) I'M TALKING DELICIOUS K.F.C..

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) WEATHER IT'S ORIGINAL RECIPE,

EXTRA CRISPY OR HEART-HEALTHY KENTUCKY GRILLED CHICKEN.

(LAUGHTER) BECAUSE ISN'T IT TIME YOU TASTED WHY FRESH IS BETTER?

AND, FOLKS, IF DISH NETWORK IS ALLOWED TO ELIMINATE ADS IT WILL SET UP A BATTLE ROYALE BETWEEN

VIEWERS AND ADVERTISERS AND IT WON'T BE LONG BEFORE NETWORKS HAVE TO PICK SIDES.

MOUTH WATERING SIDES LIKE HOME-STYLE BISCUITS, REFRESHING COLESLAW OR...

(LAUGHTER) OR...

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) IF YOU'RE REALLY HUNGRY, THE COLONEL'S CRISPY STRIPS.

SO TENDER AND DELICIOUS WHO CAN SAY NO?

NOT MY ATTRACTIVE T.V. FAMILY,

THAT'S FOR SURE.

>> DAD GOT K.F.C.!

>> AND I DIDN'T HAVE TO COOK!

>> Stephen: AND WE'RE ALL THANKFUL FOR THAT!

(LAUGHS) SHE IS THE WORST.

(LAUGHTER) REALLY HORRIBLE.

IT'S ACTUALLY... ACTUALLY A SOURCE OF SOME STRESS IN AN OTHERWISE HAPPY MARRIAGE.

(LAUGHTER) SO SHAME ON YOU, DISH NETWORK.

YOU CAN TAKE MY ADS WHEN YOU PRY THEM FROM MY COLD, DEAD,

FINGER-LICKING HANDS.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

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