Bad News About Good Unemployment News

  • Aired:  04/05/12
  •  | Views: 3,601

In the employment sector, things are getting better, but they're not getting more better any faster. (3:36)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: I LIKE IT!

I LIKE IT!

I LIKE IT!

YES!

WELCOME TO ITS REPORT,

EVERYBODY!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

NATION, YOU KNOW, I BELIEVE THAT AMERICA'S GREATEST DAYS ARE AHEAD OF US.

THAT'S WHY EVERY SO OFTEN IT IS IMPORTANT TO REMIND OURSELVES NO, THEY'RE NOT.

(LAUGHTER) BECAUSE OTHERWISE BARACK OBAMA MIGHT GET CREDIT FOR IT.

SO YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW I FELT THIS MORNING WHEN I TURNED ON FOX NEWS, ONLY TO FACE MY WORST FEAR.

GOOD NEWS.

>> WE JUST CAME OUT OF MARCH MADNESS.

>> SOB EXCITED ABOUT SPRING.

>> THAT OPENING DAY TODAY,

ROUND ONE AT AUGUSTA.

>> ALMOST EASTER SO YOU CAN GIVE UP YOUR LENT.

>> EAST NEVER THREE DAYS.

>> I MEAN HOW DOG, THE WEATHER IS GREAT.

>> UH-HUH.

>> WE HAVE NO COMPLAINTS.

WE'RE JUST HAPPY PEOPLE.

WE GOT SOME GOOD NEWS.

ON THE JOBS FRONT WEEKLY JOBLESS APPLICATION FELL TO 357,000.

AND THE ARROW IS DOWN AS YOU CAN SEE.

THAT IS THE LOWEST NUMBER THAT WE'VE SEEN IN FOUR YEARS.

>> Stephen: MARTHA, I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS?

A LOT OF US ARE WORKING VERY HARD TO REMIND AMERICA THAT THIS MAN IS DESTROYING OUR

COUNTRY, BUT THEN YOU AND HAPPY HAMMER COME ALONG WITH YOUR PRETTY GREEN ARROW AND

TAKE A BIG SUNSHINE DUMP ON OUR RAIN PARADE.

(LAUGHTER) IF ONLY-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

IF ONLY SOMEONE COULD BRING US BACK TO EARTH AND THEN KEEP GOING UNTIL WE'RE SIX FEET UNDER.

AND IT WOULD HELP IF HE RESEMBLED A CON IVING FUNERAL HOME DIRECTOR, JIM,

HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING?

>> CLEARLY THE TREND LINE IS A GOOD ONE, STEWART.

>> YEAH, THE TREND LINE IS GOOD BUT I HAVE TO POINT OUT TO YOU, MARTHA, THAT THE

DOWNSIDE MOVE, THE FEWER NUMBER OF PEOPLE APPLYING FOR UNEMPLOYMENT CLAIMS,

THAT HAS STALLED.

WE'VE GONE FROM 400,000 SIX MONTHS AGO TO 35-- 350, 360 NOW AND WE HAVEN'T MOVED

LOWER FOR THE PAST FOUR WEEKS.

SO WE'VE STALLED COMING DOWN.

THAT IS NOT PARTICULARLY GOOD NEWS.

>> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR THAT PERSPECTIVE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: THINGS ARE GETTING BETTER, BUT THEY'RE NOT GETTING MORE BETTER ANY FASTER.

JUST THE SAME AMOUNT OF BETTER WHICH IS WORSE.

(LAUGHTER) WELL, I WANT TO ECHO STU BARNEY'S SENTIMENTS AND REMIND YOU, IT'S ALWAYS

BRIGHTEST BEFORE THE DUSK.

AND THE FRAGRANCE OF THE SWEETEST BLOSSOM CARRIES WITH IT THE FIRST WHIFF OF DECAY.

(LAUGHTER) EVEN THE PERFECT ININFANT YOU CRADLE IN YOUR ARMS WILL ONE DAY GROW OLD AND DIE.

AND YOUR FRIENDS WON'T BE THERE TO COMFORT YOU BECAUSE THEY'LL BE DEAD TOO.

REMEMBER THE GOOD TIMES AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, REMEMBER THAT THEY ARE OVER AND CAN

NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

ASHES, NOTHING BUT ASHES.

THE HAPPINESS YOU FEEL TODAY IS MERELY THE PLATTEAU FROM WHICH YOU WILL SOON PLUMMET.

AND DURING THAT FREEFALL,

YOU WILL REMEMBER THAT YOU LEFT THE STOVE ON.

(LAUGHTER)