NSA Phone Surveillance

  • Aired:  06/06/13
  •  | Views: 53,829

The Nation Security Agency collects millions of phone records from Verizon, and unlike during the Bush administration, this time it's the Obama administration. (4:54)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE

REPORT.

THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

>> Stephen: FOLKS, THANK YOU

SO MUCH.

( CHEERS )

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THANK YOU

SO MUCH.

LET'S GET STRAIGHT TO IT, FOLKS.

ENORMOUS NEWS COMING OUT OF

WASHINGTON, D.C.--

( CHEERS )

PLEASE, NATION.

WE GOTTA DO IT.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

PLEASE, FOLKS.

WE'VE GOT TO GET TO THE SHOCKING

NEWS OUT OF THE OBAMA

ADMINISTRATION THAT AFFECTS ANY

AMERICAN WHO MAKES PHONE CALLS.

( LAUGHTER )

SO ANYONE OVER 25.

FOR MORE, WE WATCH A SCREEN.

>> THE N.S.A. HAS BEEN SECRETLY

SPYING ON EVERYDAY AMERICANS FOR

MONTHS.

A NEW REPORT SAYS THE N.S.A. IS

COLLECTING PHONE RECORDS FROM

MILLIONS OF VERIZON WIRELESS

CUSTOMERS.

>> THE ORDER WAS ISSUED BY THE

SECRET SURVEILLANCE COURT AND

GRANTED THE GOVERNMENT UNLIMITED

AUTHORITY TO COLLECT DATA.

>> Stephen: YES, THE NATIONAL

SECURITY AGENCY IS SPYING ON OUR

PHONE CALLS, AND UNLIKE DURING

THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION, THIS

TIME IT'S THE OBAMA

ADMINISTRATION.

( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE )

YEAH.

THIS GUY, HE IS ALWAYS TRYING TO

OUTDO HIS PREDECESSOR.

OH, HE POURED WATER ON THEIR

FACE?

I'M GOING TO BLOW 'EM UP.

DID I WIN?

THAT'S HOW HE TALKS, BY THE WAY.

THAT'S MY OBAMA IMPRESSION.

( LAUGHTER )

NOW, ACCORDING TO THE U.K.'S

"GUARDIAN" NEWSPAPER, VERIZON'S

BUSINESS SERVICES DIVISION WAS

ORDERED BY THE F.B.I. TO DELIVER

MILLIONS OF CUSTOMERS'

TELE-PHONY METADATA.

METADATA MEANS INFORMATION ABOUT

A CALL'S LENGTHS, LOCATION, AND

PARTICIPANTS.

TELE-PHONY IS WHAT A

TWO-YEAR-OLD CALLS A TELEPHONE.

( APPLAUSE )

AND BELIEVE ME, BELIEVE ME,

OBAMA KNOWS ALL ABOUT THE CALLS

BETWEEN BETSY AND PUPPY WUPPY.

NOW, FOLKS I'M GOING TO BE

STRAIGHT WITH YOU.

I'M CONFLICTED HERE, FOLKS.

ON THE ONE HAND THIS PROVES

OBAMA IS A TYRANNICAL DESPOT WHO

IGNORES ALL THE RULES.

ON THE OTHER HAND, I KIND OF

LIKE TYRANNICAL DESPOTS WHO

BREAK ALL THE RULES.

SHOWS SPUNK.

AND JUST A CHERRY ON TOP OF MY

CONFLICT SUNDAE, I'M NO FAN OF

THE "NEW YORK TIMES," BUT THE

"NEW YORK TIMES" IS NO FAN OF

OBAMA DOING THIS, SAYING IN

TODAY'S OP-ED, "THE

ADMINISTRATION HAS NOW LOST ALL

CREDIBILITY."

YES, I'D LIKE TO ORDER HOME

DELIVERY OF THE "NEW YORK

TIMES," PLEASE.

( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE )

MY WIFE LIKES THE "STYLE"

SECTION.

I GO STRAIGHT FOR THE OBAMA

BASHING.

BUT I DIDN'T ACTUALLY MAKE A

PHONE CALL JUST THEN.

I JUST ASSUMED WANT N.S.A. IS

LISTENING AND WILL PASS IT ON.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

THEN AGAIN, I DO THINK THE OBAMA

ADMINISTRATION HAS A POINT.

WHEN THEY CALL THIS PROGRAM "A

CRITICAL TOOL IN PROTECTING THE

NATION FROM TERRORIST THREATS TO

THE UNITED STATES," AND NOT JUST

BECAUSE ANYONE WHO HAS DEALT

WITH VERIZON'S CUSTOMER SERVICE

WANTS TO KILL SOMEONE.

NOW, SOUTH CAROLINA SENATOR

LINDSAY GRAHAM MAKES A GREAT

POINT.

>> I'M A VERIZON CUSTOMER.

I DON'T MIND VERIZON TURNING

OVER RECORDS TO THE THE

GOVERNMENT IF THE GOVERNMENT IS

GOING TO MAKE SURE THEY TRY TO

MATCH UP A KNOWN TERRORIST

PHONING WITH SOMEBODY IN THE

UNITED STATES.

I DON'T THINK YOU'RE TALKING

WITH TERRORISTS.

I KNOW I'M NOT, SO WE DON'T HAVE

ANYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

>> Stephen: YES, IF YOU DON'T

HAVE ANYTHING TO HIDE, PEOPLE

SHOULD BE ABLE TO LOOK AT

ANYTHING YOU'VE GOT.

THAT'S WHY I AM CALLING ON

SENATOR LINDSAY GRAHAM TO STOP

WEARING PANTS.

( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE )

SO WE CAN FINALLY, FINALLY LAY

TO REST THE DISTURBING AND I AM

SURE UNFOUND RUMORS THAT HE IS A

MIDDLE AGED LESBIAN.

BUT I DON'T FOR A MINUTE BELIEVE

THAT'S TRUE.

BUT THERE IS ONE PARTY WHOSE

PRIVACY HAS BEEN VIOLATED HERE.

IT'S VERIZON'S.

WE, THE PUBLIC, HAVE NO RIGHT TO

KNOW THEIR PRIVATE INFORMATION

THAT THEY TURNED OVER OUR

PRIVATE INFORMATION.

( LAUGHTER )

THIS WILL LOSE VERIZON MILLIONS

OF CUSTOMERS, OR IT WOULD