ThreatDown - Global Erotic Extremism, Mini Muslims & Stripper Bears

  • Aired:  08/01/13
  •  | Views: 47,004

Terrorists love America for its BDSM, Crayola features Islamic coloring pages, and bears turn trees into stripper poles. (4:48)

WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

THANKS SO MUCH.

FOLKS, THANKS FOR JOINING US

AGAIN.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I DO

NOT WANT TO ALARM YOU BUT

DANGER IS AFOOT.

AND IF YOU HAVE TWO

FEATURE'S IN TWICE AS MUCH

DANGER.

THIS IS THE THREATDOWN.

YOU KNOW, FOLKS, WITH ALL

THAT IS GOING ON IN OUR

LIVES IT'S EASY TO FORGET

ABOUT TERRORISTS.

ESPECIALLY THE ONES LOCKED

UP INDEFINITELY AT GITMO.

WELL, FOLKS, WILL YOU NOT

FORGET THIS.

>> FORGET THE KORAN, THE

TERRORISTS AT GITMO CAN'T

GET ENOUGH OF 50 SHADES OF

GRAY.

>> ACCORDING TO JIM MORAN A

DEMOCRAT FROM VIRGINIA PART

OF A CONGRESSIONAL

DELEGATION, WENT DOWN TO

GITMO AND HE WAS TOLD YUP,

NUMBER ONE BOOK FOR THEM-- .

>> Stephen: I ALWAYS KNEW

TERRORISTS HATED US FOR OUR

FREEDOM.

NOW THEY LOVE US FOR OUR

BONDAGE.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THREAT

NUMBER THREE, GLOBAL EROTIC

EXTREMISM.

FOLKS, IT'S NO SURPRISE.

IF YOU ARE'S LOOKING TO TURN

BACK THE CLOCK ON WOMEN'S

ROLES IN SOCIETY, IT'S HARD

TO BEAT 50 SHADES OF GRAY.

I MEAN AT LEAST SHARIA LAW

DOES NOT CONTAIN PASSAGES

LIKE MY NIPPLES HARDEN AND

HE LONG GATE FROM THE

ASSAULT.

THAT'S INTERESTING.

BECAUSE MINE JUST RECEDED

COMPLETELY INSIDE ME.

I THINK THEY'RE POKING OUT

MY BACK RIGHT NOW.

WELL, THIS SETTLES IT,

NATION.

I'M FINALLY ON BOARD WITH

SHUTTING DOWN GITMO BECAUSE

THE ONLY THING NOR

DISTURBING THAN AMERICAN

DETAINING AND TORTURING

PRISONERS IS THE POSSIBILITY

THAT THEY'RE GETTING OFF ON

IT.

(LAUGHTER)

NEXT, FOLKS, I LOVE COLORING

BOOKS.

FACT I'M IN A COLORING BOOK

CLUB.

THIS MONTH'S SELECTION IS

DORA THE EXPLORER JUMBO

COLORING AND ACTIVITY BOOK.

OH MY GOD, HOW AM I SUPPOSED

TO GET THROUGH THIS BY

FRIDAY.

THAT'S WHY I WAS SHOCKED

WHEN THE PICKENS COUNTY

GEORGIA REPUBLICAN PARTY

ALERTED ME TO SOMETHING

TRULY TER FEW ON THE CRAYOLA

WEB SITE.

VISIT CRAYOLA.COM'S FREE

COLORING PAGES AND THE FIRST

ITEMS ON ISLAMIC FROM THE

RAM DAN SECTION.

AND RECALL-- RAMADAN AND

RECALL THAT MUSLIMS CONSIDER

RAMADAN THE MONTH OF JIHAD

AND THE MONTH OF VICTORY

OVER INFIDELS.

CRAYOLA SHOULD REMIND KIDS

NO TO THE TRY AND DRAW

MOHAMMED LES THEIR PARENTS

NEED TO FEND OFF MUSLIM AND

ENTER WITNESS RELOCATION.

OH, OH T HAPPENED.

IT HAPPENS FAR TOO YOU HAVE

A EN, FOLKS.

REMEMBER HAROLD AND THE

PURPLE CRAYON?

WELL THEY'RE NOW LIVING AT

MURRAY AND THE PERIWINKEL

PENCIL IN BOISE, IDAHO.

WORST OF ALL F THERE ARE

ISLAMIC COLORING BOOKS, THAT

MEANS THERE MIGHT BE ISLAMIC

KIDS.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THREAT

NUMBER TWO, MINIMUSLIMS.

AND HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO

STAY TERRIFIED OF ALL

MUSLIMS WHEN SOME OF THEM

ARE SMALL AND GIGGLE WHEN

YOU PICK THEM UP.

I MEAN THIS JUST REMINDED US

THAT BEFORE CREEPING SHARIA

COMES CRAWLING SHARE YA,ED

TO ELLING SHARIA AND

SKIPPING SHARIA.

SOON THEY'RE CHANTING IN THE

STREETS DEATH TO BEDTIME.

FINALLY I DON'T KNOW IF I

HAVE MENTIONED IT BEFORE

FOLKS BUT I'M ANTI-BEAR.

NOT A FAN.

AND RECENTLY A HIDDEN

WILDLIFE CAMERA IN AN

ALBERTA NATIONAL PARK SHOWED

US WHAT THESE KILLING

MACHINE DOES WHEN THEY THINK

THAT NO ONE IS WATCHING.

YEAH.

KIND OF ADORABLE BUT JIM,

PLAY IT AGAIN AND THIS TIME

DROP THE NEEDLE.

>> WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE

NUMBER ONE THREAT TO AMERICA

STRIPPER BEARS.

NATION, FOLK.

THESE GODLESS TWERKING

MACHINES ARE TURNING THEIR

FORESTS INTO THEIR VERY OWN

EPISODE OF GRIZZ GONE WILD

BECAUSE LOOK WHAT HAPPENS

NEXT.

♪ GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS ♪

♪ GIRL, GIRLS, GIRLS ♪

♪.

>> Stephen: WHO COULD RESIST

THESE HOT STRIPPER BEARS.

I MEAN THEY'RE TOPLESS AND

BOTTOMLESS.

SO THEY REALLY SHOULD

CONSIDER WAXING.

BUT THINK ABOUT IT, YOU MEET

ONE OF THESE URSINE BEAUTIES

AT YOUR BODY'S BACHELOR

PARTY AND YOU THINK YOU'RE

REALLY CONDUCTING, YOU KNOW,

BUT TO HER IT'S ALL ABOUT

BUSINESS AND JUST WHEN YOUR

HOPES ARE UP SHE RIPS YOUR

HEART OUT AND THEN RIPS YOUR

FACE OFF.

(LAUGHTER)

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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