Tip/Wag - Hello Kitty Wine & Pig's Blood Filters

Aired:  04/07/10 Views: 45,962

Sanrio introduces Hello Kitty wine, and Rabbi Jeff Goldblum blesses a cigarette with a pig's blood filter. (2:54)

( THEME SONG PLAYING )

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Stephen: THANK YOU, LADIES

AND GENTLEMEN.

WELCOME TO "THE REPORT."

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

FOLKS, FOLKS, I GOT TO TELL YOU

SOMETHING, THIS IS NO SURPRISE,

BUT AS AN AMERICAN, I DON'T CARE

FOR THE BRITISH.

( LAUGHTER ).

FRANKLY I WISH THEY'D SHUT THEIR

STEAK AND KIDNEY PIE HOLE, BUT

EVIDENTLY THOSE TOFFEE-NOSED,

PUDDING-FACED CRUMPET SUCKERS

STILL MAKE NEWS.

WHAT IS IT THIS TIME, JIM?

>> BIG NEWS OUT OF ENGLAND WHERE

THE ROYAL FAMILY ANNOUNCES

THERE'S GOING TO BE ANOTHER

ROYAL WEDDING.

AFTER ALL THE RUMORS AND THE

SPECULATION, THE ROYAL FAMILY

SAID THAT PRINCE WILLIAM POPPED

THE QUESTION TO HIS LONG-TIME

LOVE KATE MIDDLETON.

>> Stephen: OH, MY GOD!

THERE'S GOING TO BE A ROYAL

WEDDING.

OH, MY GOD, OH, MY GOD, OH, MY

GOD, IT'S BEEN SO LONG!

I'M SO EXCITED.

OH, MY GOD, I DIDN'T THINK THIS

DAY WOULD EVER COME.

WILL AND KATE HAVE BEEN DATING

FOR EIGHT YEARS.

THEY BROKE UP IN 2007 BUT THEN

THEY GOT BACK TOGETHER.

THEN THEY ALMOST BROKE UP AGAIN

BECAUSE THERE WERE RUMORS THAT

WILL WAS CHEATING BUT HE WOULD

NEVER HURT HER LIKE, THAT AND

NOW THEY'RE ENGAGED.

NOT THAT THERE HAVEN'T BEEN SOME

PROBLEMS.

THE BRITISH MEDIA HAS HOUND MISS

MIDDLETON BECAUSE SHE COMES FROM

NEW MONEY, CALLING HER KATE

MIDDLE CLASS AND MOCKING HER

MOTHER, A FORMER FLIGHT

ATTENDANT, FOR CHEWING GUM AND

USING INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE IN

FRONT OF THE QUEEN, SUCH AS

SAYING "PARDON" WHEN SHE SHOULD

SAY, "I BEG YOUR PARDON" AND

"TOILET" WHEN SHE SHOULD SAY, "I

BEG YOUR TOILET.

" BUT NONE OF THAT MATTERS NOW

BECAUSE IT'S OFFICIAL.

I MEAN, JUST LOOK.

LOOK HOW HAPPY THOSE CAMERAS ARE

MAKING THEM.

AND HE GAVE HER DIANA'S RING,

OH, MY GOD, I AM SORRY.

IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

PARDON ME.

I MEAN, I BEG YOUR TOILET.

IT IS JUST SO, SO BEAUTIFUL.

OH, MY GOD.

I AM BEING SUCH A ANYONEY NINNY

CODDLE.

OF COURSE, THERE IS A HINT OF

SCANDAL IN ALL OF THIS IN THAT I

HAVE NOT BEEN INVITED YET.

I KNOW CALLIGRAPHY TAKES TIME,

FOLKS, BUT I WOULD LIKE TO

INFORM THE ROYAL FAMILY THAT I

HAVE TAKEN OUT A SPECIAL POST

OFFICE BOX EXCLUSIONIVELY TO

RECEIVE THE WEDDING INVITATION.

I DON'T WANT TO MISS IT IF IT

GETS STUCK IN BETWEEN MY POTTERY

BARN CATALOG AND MY THREE OTHER

POTTERY BARN CATALOGS.

SO HERE'S THE ADDRESS, THE

REVEREND SIR STEPHEN COLBERT, PO

BOX 1958, RADIOCITY STATION NEW

YORK, NEW YORK, 10101.

INVITATIONS FROM THE ROYAL

FAMILY ONLY, AND INVITATIONS

FROM ROYAL

Loading...