Colbert Super PAC SHH! - Corporate Campaign Players & Super Secret "Spooky PACs"

  • Aired:  05/08/12
  •  | Views: 13,156

"Spooky PACs" trailblazer Karl Rove gives anonymous political money to help keep political money anonymous, and Stephen gives in to donor transparency fetishists. (5:27)

[EAGLE CAW]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> STEPHEN: THANK YOU SO MUCH.

WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

NATION -- THANK YOU SO MUCH.

[CROWD CHANTING STEPHEN] THAT'S VERY NICE.

OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YOU GUYS ARE CONGEALING LIKE A FINE PUDDING.

HALF LAUGH NATION, THE GENERAL ELECTION IS UNDERWAY, AND I'M AS GIDDY AS A

SCHOOLGIRL WHO WILL SOON BE DENIED BIRTH CONTROL.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SO FAR, THE BIG PLAYERS IN 2012 ARE THE SUPER PACS, LIKE COLBERT SUPER PAC - YOU KNOW OUR

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

MOTTO, "MAKING A BETTER TOMORROW, TOMORROW!" I LIKE YOU.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE THROWING AROUND MY UNLIMITED CORPORATE CASH.

CAMPAIGN SPENDING BY GROUPS LIKE SUPER PACS HAS JUMPED BY MORE THAN 1100 PERCENT SINCE 2008.

TO PUT 1100 IN PERSPECTIVE,

THAT'S THE NUMBER OF ARABIAN NIGHTS PLUS THE NUMBER OF PROBLEMS JAY-Z HAS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THOSE CRUMB-BUMS IN WASHINGTON ARE HEARING OUR VOICE -- OUR BITCHY BITCHY VOICE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BECAUSE SO FAR THIS YEAR 70% OF ALL PRESIDENTIAL ADS HAVE BEEN NEGATIVE.

THAT'S NOT EVEN COUNTING THE POSITIVE GINGRICH ADS, WHICH ARE STILL KIND OF NEGATIVE BECAUSE

THEY INCLUDE NEWT GINGRICH.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT ALL THIS NEGATIVITY CAN HAVE A DOWNSIDE FOR THE DONORS.

JUST LISTEN TO THE CEO OF KARL ROVE'S SUPERPAC AMERICAN CROSSROADS, STEVEN LAW.

HE'S SO WORRIED ABOUT THE BILLIONAIRES.

>> WE HAVE SOME VERY LARGE DONORS WHO CONTRIBUTE A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT AND THEY ARE

FULLY DISCLOSED, THEY'RE NOT OVERLY CONCERNED ABOUT IT.

BUT THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE WHO ARE CONCERNED ABOUT A CULTURE OF INTIMIDATION.

INCREASINGLY, PEOPLE FEEL LIKE THERE ARE REPRISALS AGAINST PEOPLE WHO GET INVOLVED IN THE

POLITICAL PROCESS.

>> Stephen: YES, SECRET BILLIONAIRES ARE JUST TRYING TO GET INVOLVED IN THE POLITICAL

PROCESS -- THE SAME WAY THE SECRET SERVICE WANTED TO GET INVOLVED WITH THOSE PROSTITUTES.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SO TO PROTECT THEMSELVES FROM ACCOUNTABILITY, BIG DONORS NEED ANONYMITY.

LIKE CASINO BILLIONAIRE SHELDON ADELSON, WHO ALMOST SINGLEHANDEDLY FUNDED NEWT

GINGRICH'S SUPERPAC "WINNING OUR FUTURE," WHICH HAS

RECENTLY BEEN RENAMED "DODGING OUR CREDITORS."

[ LAUGHTER ]

WELL, NOW ADELSON IS GOING UNDERGROUND, WHERE IT'S POSSIBLE HE ALSO ORIGINATED.

[ LAUGHTER ]

HE SAYS, FROM NOW ON, IF HE INJECTS BIG BUCKS INTO THIS ELECTION "IT WILL BE TO A C-4."

HE'S TALKING ABOUT SUPER-SECRET 501-C-4S, OR AS THEY'RE NOW

CALLED, "SPOOKY PACS," WHICH CAN ACCEPT UNLIMITED MONEY WITHOUT

EVER DISCLOSING THEIR DONORS BECAUSE THEY'RE TECHNICALLY SOCIAL WELFARE ORGANIZATIONS.

THEIR NEGATIVE ATTACK ADS COUNT AS CHARITY.

IN THE SAME WAY THAT YELLING,

"GET A JOB, YOU DIRTY BUM" IS A DONATION TO THE HOMELESS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

OF COURSE, I HAVE A SPOOKY PAC.

COLBERT SUPERPAC SHH.

YOU KNOW OUR MOTTO: MAKING A BETTER TOMORROW AT A LATER DATE THAT'S NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND FOR YOU TRANSPARENCY FETISHISTS, I'M HAPPY TO NOW MAKE MY FULL LEGALLY-REQUIRED DISCLOSURE.

I HAVE WRITTEN THE NAMES OF COLBERT SUPERPAC SHH DONORS ON MY TAINT IN BUTTERSCOTCH TOPPING.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I INVITE THE F.E.C. TO AUDIT IT WITH THEIR TONGUES.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

NO SURPRISE, THE TRAILBLAZER IN SPOOKY PACS IS KARL ROVE WITH CROSSROADS GPS

LAST YEAR, IT RECEIVED TWO ANONYMOUS $10 MILLION DONATIONS.

THEY WERE SO SECRET, IT'S POSSIBLE EVEN KARL DOESN'T KNOW WHO THEY WERE FROM.

HE MIGHT HAVE RECEIVED THEM THROUGH HIS DONATION GLORYHOLE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND KARL STANDS BEHIND WHAT HE DOESN'T SAY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

CROSSROADS GPS RECENTLY GAVE $2.75 MILLION TO THE CENTER FOR INDIVIDUAL FREEDOM OR CFIF,

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHICH IS AGGRESSIVELY "TOPPLING DISCLOSURE LAWS AT THE STATE LEVEL.

SO, THAT'S KARL ROVE GIVING ANONYMOUS POLITICAL MONEY TO HELP KEEP POLITICAL MONEY ANONYMOUS.

I BELIEVE THAT'S WHAT OUR FOUNDERS ENVISIONED FOR DEMOCRACY!