Fox News's "12 Scams of Christmas"

  • Aired:  12/19/13
  •  | Views: 36,890

Fox News's Peter Johnson Jr. reminds viewers that Christmas is a time to be scared and angry. (3:51)

NATION, I LOVE-- (APPLAUSE)

YOU KNOW, FOLKS, I LOVECHRISTMAS.

IT'S SUCH A JOYFUL SEASON.

AND THAT JOY IS HARD ON FOXNEWS BECAUSE THEIR JOB IS TO

MAKE US SCARED AND ANDRY.

THAT'S WHY THIS TILE OF THEYEAR THEY BRING OUT THE BIG

GUNS LIKE FOX NEWSCONTRIBUTOR AND VANILLA

PUDDING SKIN-- TO GIVE YOUTHE GIFT OF ANXIETY.

SET THEM UP, DECEMBER.

>> CHRISTMAS MAY BE THESEASON FOR GIVING BUT IT'S

ALSO THE SEASON FOR SCAMMING,PETER JOHNSON, JR. IS HERE

TO WARN US ABOUT THE 12SCAMS OF CHRISTMAS.

>> YOU KNOW, STEVE, ON THE12th DAY OF CHRISTMAS, THE

SCAMMERS GAVE TO ME, 12REINDEER RIPPOFFS, 11 SANTA

SCAMMERS, 10 CHRISTMASCOUPON CONS, AND NINE STOLEN

GIFT CARDS.

>> Stephen: EVEN WORSEEVIDENTLY SOME SCAMMERS

STOLE THE TUNE FROM FIVEGOLDEN RINGS AND MARKED IT

UP TO NINE.

NOW FOLKS, FOLKS,JOHNSON, JR. PETER WENT ON

TO EXPLAIN THE SCAM.

>> LET'S GO THROUGH THE 12thBIG SCAMS OF CHRISTMAS.

NUMBER ONE, BOGGUSCHARITIES.

NUMBER TWO, MALLWEAR EHOLIDAY CARD.

NUMBER 8 SANTA'S SLAY SCAM,THE HOME ALONE SCAM.

>> SURE.

>> SENDING AN E-MAIL OR CALL,I'M STRANDED, PLEASE, I NEED,

SEND ME MONEY.

DON'T BE WIRING MONEY.

REINDEER RIPPOFF, VERYPERFORM.

BE CAREFUL ABOUT BUYING CHIAPETS ON-LINE, THE POOCH

MIGHT HAVE FLEES.

FINALLY, THE PENULTIMATEMISTLE TOE MADNESS BE DON'T

FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEBODYON-LINE.

THEY'RE TRYING TO BILK YOU.

>> Stephen: NOW THAT'S A LOTOF WARNINGS, SO LET'S

REVIEW.

YOUR STRANDED LOVED ONES AREALL LIARS [BLEEP] THEM.

IF YOU BUY A DOG ON-LINE, ITWILL HAVE FLEE, WHICH ARE

INCURABLE SO YOU HAVE TO PUTIT DOWN IN FRONT OF THE KIDS,

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

AND FINALLY, FINALLY, THEPENULTIMATE, DON'T FALL IN

LOVE WITH SOMEBODY ON-LINE.

IT APPEARS TO HAVE HAPPENEDTO PETER JOHNSON, JR..

YOU KNOW HOW IT IS, YOU CHATWITH THE UKRAINIAN WOMAN

ON-LINE, BUY HER AN AIRLINETICKET TO VIT, YOU MARRY HER

AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOWHER BROTHER IS MOVING IN,

FOR SOME REASON HE'S THE ONEWITHOUT GETS TO SLEEP WITH

HER, OR SO I'VE BEEN TOLD.

I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU HECATERINA.

I AM THIS CLOSE TO CHANGETHE PIN ON MY BANK CARD.

NOW FOLKS, AFTER HEARINGTHAT LITTLE LIST OF SCAMS

THERE, I HOPE YOU'RE SOSCARED THAT YOU DROP THE

YULE LOG IN YOUR PANTS.

BUT JUNIOR JOHNSON PETERONLY SCRATCHED THE SURFACE

THERE ARE SO MANY MORE SCAMSTHAT HE LEFT OUT.

LIKE GIFT DRIFT, WHERE YOUBUY A PRESENT AND ARE YOU

EXPECTED TO GIVE THAT TOSEBLS.

HEY, I JUST PAID FOR THAT,WHY SHOULD I GIVE IT AWAY.

AND THE KNOCKOUT GAME WHEREA TEENAGER KNOCKS YOU OUT

WITH A FROZEN CARTON OF EGGNOTHING AND SPRINKLES YOU

WITH NUTMEG, IT'S SWEEPINGTHE COUNTRY, FOLKS.

-- PEOPLE ARE DOING IT.

KRINGLE KRUNCH THAT ONE ISSELF-EXPLANATORY, FROSTY

FROST, WHERE A SNOWMANSTEALS YOUR IDENTITY, THE

NEXT THING YOU KNOW HE'SSLEEPING WITH YOUR WIFE AND

YOUR KIDS ARE CALLING HIMDADDIE AND IT'S YOUR OWN

FAULT FOR BRINGING HIM TOLIFE WITH THAT MAGIC HAT,

DON'T DO IT.

AND FINALLY, SANTA CLAUS,HUGE SCAM.

NEVER ONCE DID HE BRINGGIFTS TO MY CHILDREN.

AND THEY'RE REALLY GOODGIFTS.

I MEAN THEY GIVE ME PRESENTSEVERY YEAR AND YET THEY GET

NOTHING.

I DON'T GET IT I DON'T GETIT.

HE BROUGHT ME PRESENTS WHENI WAS A KID.

WHY DID HE STOP?

SANTA CLAUS, LISTEN UP OLDMAN, I AM GIVING YOU ONE

MORE CHANCE, DO NOTDISAPPOINT MY CHILDREN THIS

CHRISTMAS.

BECAUSE I'VE GOT 18 YEARS 6MILK AND COOKIES ON MY

MANTLE