Troubled GOP Waters & Stephen Under Attack

  • Aired:  01/19/12
  •  | Views: 81,648

Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich contend with primary problems, while the Definitely Not Coordinating with Stephen Colbert Super PAC turns on Stephen. (4:17)

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE

REPORT, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, NATION.

OKAY.

>> STEVE, STEPHEN, STEPHEN,

STEPHEN, STEPHEN.

>> Stephen: THANK YOU SO

MUCH, THANK YOU, GENTLEMEN.

YOU KNOW I LOVE IT.

FOLKS, YOU KNOW I LOVE IT.

BUT WE'VE GOT TO GET GOING.

I'M SORRY, I'VE GOT A RALLY

IN SOUTH CAROLINA TOMORROW

AND I'VE GOT TO MAKE A

PLANE.

IN FACT, THIS IS ACTUALLY A

FREE TAPE AND I AM AT THE

AIRPORT RIGHT NOW AND THEY

JUST CALLED MY FLIGHT.

>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, NOW

BOARDING ZONE 2.

>> Stephen: ZONE 4 [BLEEP]

WELL, AT LEAST I CAN FINISH

MY CINNABON-- SIN A:--

(LAUGHTER)

HMMMM, HMMMM, HMMMM.

(LAUGHTER)

ALL RIGHT.

THAT THAT SPED THINGS UP.

NOW LET'S GET TO THE BIG

STORIES.

FIRST UP, RICK PERRY HAS

DROPPED OUT OF THE RACE TO

SPEND MORE TIME GETTING

LEATHERY.

(LAUGHTER)

AND IN A SHOCKER, MITT

ROMNEY WHO CALLED HIS

BACK-TO-BACK WINS IN IOWA

AND NEW HAMPSHIRE HISTORIC

JUST HAD TO REVISE HISTORY.

>> BREAKING NEWS THIS

MORNING COMING OUT OF EYE

WATCH.

THE IOWA GOP IS NOW SAYING

THAT UPON A-- PUN A FULL

COUNT RICK SAN TORE-- SANTORUM

WAS THE WINNER, NOT MITT

ROMNEY.

>> Stephen: FIRST MITT

ROMNEY WON THEN HE LOST.

CLASSIC ROMNEY FLIP-FLOP.

MEANWHILE SANTORUM HAS HIS

OWN PROBLEMS.

FOR CRITICIZING NEWT

GINGRICH FOR DOING THIS

COMMERCIAL, NANCY PELOSI,

LISTEN WHAT SANTORUM CLAIMS.

>> DID THE ONLY PERSON I

EVER SAT ON A COUCH WITH WAS

MY WIFE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: FOLKS, THIS

ATTACK ON GINGRICH WAS A

COLOSSAL BLUNDER OF SANTORUM

BECAUSE A DAMNING PHOTO HAS

COME TO LIGHT OF RICK

SANTORUM SHARING A COUCH

WITH A MAN.

(LAUGHTER)

I'M SORRY, THAT IS AN

AFFRONT TO THE SANCTITY OF

TRADITIONAL SOFA.

>> YOU START ACCEPTING MAN

ON MAN COUCHING AND IT'S A

SLIPPERY SLOPE TO ACCEPTING

DOG ON COUCHING.

I JUST HOPE THAT THESE GUYS

WERE NOT ON A SOFA BED

BECAUSE IN MY BOOK, THAT IS

JUST A COUCH THAT HAS

FURNITURE REASSIGNMENT

SURGERY.

(LAUGHTER)

SO WITH ROMNEY AND SANTORUM

IN TROUBLE, IT LOOKS LIKE

SMOOTH SAILING FOR THE HMS

GINGRICH.

>> I'M KING OF THE WORLD.

>> THE NEW BOMBSHELL

INTERVIEW FROM ABC NEWS WITH

GINGRICH'S SECOND WIFE

MARYANN.

>> HE WAS ASKING TO HAVE AN

OPEN MARRIAGE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: LUCKILY, LUCKILY

NEWT'S HEAD QUALIFIES AS A

FLOTATION DEVICE.

AND WORST OF ALL, FOLKS, I

DIDN'T SEE THIS COMING.

LAST NIGHT SOUTH CAROLINA'S

OWN STEPHEN COLBERT WAS

VICIOUSLY ATTACKED BY JON

STEWART'S THE DEFINITELY NOT

COORDINATING WITH STEPHEN

COLBERT SUPERPAC.

JIM?

>> AMERICA IS IN CRISIS.

STEPHEN COLBERT IS TURNING

OUR ELECTION INTO A CIRCUS.

NOW THE SUPERPAC THAT HE

FOUNDED IS RUNNING ATTACK

ADS AGAINST HIM JUST SO

WE'LL THINK THEY'RE NOT

COORDINATING.

>> ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

>> I'VE HAD IT WITH THESE

MUDDY GRUBBING SUPERPACS

MESSING WITH OUR MONDAY TO

FRIDAY ELECTIONS.

>> SOUTH CAROLINA, SEND

STEPHEN COLBERT A MESSAGE.

ON JANUARY 21st, VOTE HERMAN

CAIN BECAUSE WE CAN'T AFFORD

TO HAVE A LEADER LIKE THIS.

>> Stephen: LOOK, I JUST

THINK THAT ROSSA PARKS IS

OVERRATED.

>> OVERRATE, ROVER YATED.

>> FOR THE RECORD, LADIES

AND GENTLEMEN, LET'S NOT

FORGET ROSSA PARKS DID BREAK

THE LAW.

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