Humanized by Pie

  • Aired:  07/20/11
  •  | Views: 43,047

After Rupert Murdoch gets hit with a pie, News Corp.'s stocks spike, the English Parliament apologizes, and even the media sharks celebrating his downfall feel bad. (3:43)

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

[AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN"]

>> Stephen: FANTASTIC.

THAT IS AMAZING.

THAT WAS INCREDIBLE.

THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

WELCOME TO "THE REPORT."

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

THANK YOU.

FOLKS, I GOT TO COMPLIMENT YOU.

I HAVE NEVER HEARD... I HAVE

NEVER HEARD SUCH MINDLESS

CHANTING WITH MILITARY

PRECISION.

FOLKS, LIKE EVERYONE IN THE

WORLD, I HAVE SO MUCH SYMPATHY

FOR RUPERT MURDOCH.

[LAUGHTER]

JUST LOOK AT THAT SAD, I'M GOING

THE SAY FACE.

WELL, THE "NEWS OF THE WORLD"

PHONE HACKING SCANDAL HAS BEEN

DISASTROUS FOR POOR RUPI.

HE'S HAD TO SHUT DOWN HIS MOST

PROFITABLE U.K. PAPER, TOP

EMPLOYEES HAVE BEEN ARRESTED AND

NEWS CORP LOST $7 BILLION OF

MARKET VALUE IN FOUR DAYS.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

FOLKS, I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED

IF FOX NEWS HAD THE MAKE SOME

BUDGET CUTS.

[LAUGHTER]

GET READY FOR THEIR NEW MORNING

SHOW, ""FOX AND FURNITURE".

NOW, YESTERDAY MURDOCH WAS

HAULED BEFORE PARLIAMENTARY

COMMITTEE TO HAVE HIS BANGERS

MASHED WHEN THE UNTHINKABLE

HAPPENED.

>> A MAN IDENTIFIED AS ACTIVIST

AND COMEDIAN JOHNNY MARVEL

CHARGED RUPERT MURDOCH WITH A

SHAVING CREAM PIE.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Stephen: ACTIVIST AND

COMEDIAN?

THAT MAKES NO SENSE.

YOU CAN'T USE COMEDY TO MAKE

POLITICAL POINTS.

[LAUGHTER]

I MEAN, THANK GOD THE ATTACK WAS

DEFLECTED BY THIS WOMAN.

MURDOCH'S BEAUTIFUL ADOPTINGED

CHINESE WIFE WENDI.

FOLKS, I WAS HORRIFIED.

HE IS 80.

HE CAN'T DIGEST PIE.

BUT THEN I FOUND OUT THAT THE

INSTANT MURDOCH WAS HIT WITH

THAT PIE, NEWS CORP STOCK

SPIKED, REGAINING $395 MILLION

IN MARKET VALUE IN FIVE MINUTES.

APPARENTLY THE PIE-ING HUMANIZED

MURDOCH.

LISTEN TO HOW THE MEETING ENDED.

>> I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE

AGAIN FOR THE WHOLLY

UNACCEPTABLE TREATMENT YOU

RECEIVED FROM A MEMBER OF THE

PUBLIC.

>> Stephen: HIS PAPER SPIED ON

A MURDER GIRL AND THEY'RE

APOLOGIZEING TO HIM.

IT'S THIS IS BRILLIANT.

HE NEEDS TO BE HIT WITH MORE

PIES.

NOW, FOLKS, THIS IS ENGLAND, SO

PERHAPS A SCALDING MINCEMEAT OR

A SAVORY STEAK AND KIDNEY OR A

SNOUT AND PANCREAS BECAUSE

CLEARLY THIS WORKS.

EVEN THE SHARKS CELEBRATING

MURDOCH'S DOWNFALL FELT BAD FOR

HIM.

>> YOU CAN'T HELP FEEL A LITTLE

SORRY FOR THE GUY.

HE'S 80 YEARS OLD.

>> I WAS SADDENED TODAY.

HE'S 80 YEARS OLD.

HE LOOK AS IF SOMEONE HAS COME

ACROSS HIM WITH A CRICKET BAT.

>> Stephen: MY GOD, THAT'S

PERFECT.

I'VE GOT TO THINK OUTSIDE THE

PIE.

WHAT ELSE COULD WE HIT HIM WITH?

HOW ABOUT A SHOT TO THE NUTS

WITH A SOCCER BALL?

COME ON, HE GETS SYMPATHY AND IT

WOULD BE FUNNY.

NOT ACTIVIST COMEDIAN FUNNY, BUT

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