Fallback Position - Championship NFL Quarterback Pt. 2

  • Aired:  01/29/14
  •  | Views: 61,635

Stephen gets the chance to play in a bowl game after intense training with Isaac Bruce and Gerald McCoy. (7:11)

AND FOLKS WE'VE HAD A LOT OFFUN HERE AT THE REPORT.

IT HAS BEEN A GREAT WEEK OFFOOTBALL GUESTS, ANALYSIS

AND NONLEGALLY ACTIONABLE SYNONYMS FOR SUNDAY'S

BIG GAME.

I HAVE REALLY GROWN TO LOVETHE OLD SPLIT COW HIDE AS NO

ONE CALLS IT(LAUGHTER)

>> BUT I THINK PERHAPS I'MMOST EMOTIONAL ABOUT THE

JOURNEY I HAVE TAKEN TOWARDBECOMING A FORMER

CHAMPIONSHIP CALIBREPROFESSIONAL ATHLETE,

TONIGHT JOIN ME NOW IN THEDRAMATIC CONCLUSION OF

STEPHEN COLBERT'S FALLBACKPOSITION.

STEPHEN COLBERT'S FALLBACKPOSITION.

LAST NIGHT I ASKED LEGENDARYCOACH JOE GIBBS FOR HIS HELP

IN MY QUEST FOR A SUPER BOWLRING.

AND MASTERED THE ART OFQUARTERBACKING WITH THE

DREAM MAKER STEVE CLARKSON.

>> OKAY, I KNOW WHERE I AM.

AFTER ALMOST 45 MINUTES OFGRUELING PREPARATION IT WAS

TIME TO SHOW THE OLD MANWHAT I WAS MADE OF.

>> WELL, COACH, I'M ABOUT TOPLAY MY FIRST SCRIMMAGE,

OBVIOUSLY THE MOST IMPORTANTTHING BEFORE ANY GAME IS THE

INSPIRATIONAL SPEECH BY THECOACH.

I HAVE WRITTEN A FEW WORDSHERE.

I WOULDN'T MIND HEARING FROMA MAN LIKE YOU.

>> STEPHEN, I HAVE COACHEDMANY A MAN BUT NONE LIKE

YOU.

YOU COMBINE CHARISMA, LOOKSAND ATHLETICISM INTO ONE

DAZZLING PACKAGE.

SO GO OUT THERE AND WIN ONEFOR THE GIPPER.

BY WHICH I MEAN RONALDREAGAN.

SHOW ME THE MONEY?

ARE YOU THERE GOD?

IT'S ME MARGARET.

EYE OF THE TIGER.

>> Stephen: OH, I SHOULD GO.

I WOULD BE JOINED BY FORMERNFL RECEIVER ISAAC BRUCE,

FOUR TIME PRO BOWLER, SUPERBOWL CHAMP AND THE THELMA TO

MY LOUISE.

MY OPPONENT, GERALD McCOY,TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS

DEFENSIVE TACKLE, ONE OF THEMOST FEARED DEFENDERS IN THE

NFL TWO TIME PRO BOWLER AND300 POUNDS OF ANGRY MAN MEAT.

>> STEPHEN THIS IS WHERE WETALK ABOUT LEADERSHIP NOW,

THIS IS ABOUT OWNING THEROOM.

>> Stephen: I OWN IT.

>> I CONTROL IT, MAKE USBELIEVE.

>> HE DOES NOT OWN IT.

>> IT IS YOUR SHOW.

>> AND WHEN DO WE HUDDLE.

>> WE'RE IN IT, WE'REHUDDLING.

WE'RE IN THE HUDDLE RIGHTNOW.

>> WHAT GO WE DO NOW.

>> CALL THE PLAY.

>> YOU GO DOWN THERE AND IWILL THROW YOU A BALL.

>> OKAY.

>> HOLD THIS.

>> HERE.

>> BLINK 182.

MAROON 5.

HUT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WHATARE YOU DOING.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

>> THIS IS FOOTBALL.

>> YEAH, WHAT HAPPENED TOONE MISSISSIPPI TWO

MISSISSIPPI THREEMISSISSIPPI.

>> YOU SNAPPED THE BALL.

>> HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TOMISSISSIPPI.

>> NO.

>> IS THAT HOW YOU WIN ASUPER BOWL, ISAAC.

>> THROW THE BALL OVERHERE WHERE WILL YOU BE.

>> AND WHEN IT IS OVER HERE.

>> I WILL BE RIGHT HERE.

>> LET'S DO THAT. WHERE AREYOU GOING, BALL IS OVER HERE,

ALL RIGHT, THAT IS WHAT IWANT.

LET'S DO THIS THING.

>> YOU'RE GOING TO SNAP METHE BALL.

YOU'RE GOING TO WATCHGREATNESS IN ACTION.

>> LET'S DO THIS SAM.

>> DOWN, SET, HUT.

>> I'M SCARED.

I'M SCARED.

NO I THINK HONESTY IS THEMOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE

HUDDLE.

>> NO, IT'S NOT.

>> TOO LEGIT TO QUIT, HIKE.

>> WHERE ARE YOU?

>> EXCUSE ME, CAN I TALK TOYOU PLEASE, ISAAC, CAN I

TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?

>> YOU'RE FAST ANDEVERYTHING, BUT GET

SOMEPLACE AND THEN STAYTHERE.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HIT AMOVING TARGET?

OKAY?

ALL RIGHT?

OH, ARE YOU-- ARE YOU UPSETWITH ME.

>> A LITTLE BIT YEAH.

>> ARE YOU ANGRY WITH ME.

>> YES.

>> YOU'RE ANGRY.

>> YEAH, I'M NOT HAPPY.

>> YOU'RE NOT HAPPY?

>> NO.

>> YOU KNOW, YOUARE' REINFORCING THE UGLY

STEREOTYPE OF AN ANGRY BLACKMAN RIGHT NOW.

>> YEAH.

>> YEAH, YEAH.

>> OKAY,.

>> THAT'S ON YOU.

>> OKAY.

>> OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

>> OKAY.

>> DOWN.

SET, THREE RINGS FOR THEELVIN KING, SEVEN FOR THE --

AND THE HALLS OF STONE, NINEFOR MORTAL MEN DOOMED TO

DIE.

ONE FOR THE DARK LORD, HIKE.

ONE FOR THE DARK LORD, HIKE.

>> Stephen: WHOOO!

WHOOO!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)WHOOO!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)WHOOO!

>> YOU SAW ME OUT THERE.

GIVE ME YOUR HONEST OPINION,DO YOU THINK I'VE GOT A SHOT

ON THE BIG DAY?

>> I CAN SAY WITH CERTAINTYYOU'RE GOING TO BE PLAYING

ON SUPER BOWL SUNDAY.

>> WHOOO!

WITHIN IT'S PUPPY BOWL.

WITHIN IT'S PUPPY BOWL.

WITHIN IT'S PUPPY BOWL.

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT,LISTEN UP.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THE HELLYOU THINK YOU'RE DOING OUT

THERE BUT IT SURE AS [BLEEP]AIN'T FOOTBALL.

THIS IS PUPPY BOWL GODDAMMIT.

LOOK.

YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A BUNCHOF BITCHES.

NOW I UNDERSTAND THAT SOMEYOU ACTUALLY ARE BITCHES AND

I APOLOGIZE, I DIDN'T MEANTHAT AS A SLUR.

I MEANT THAT YOU ARE NOTAPPLYING YOURSELF TO THE

SPORT.

EXCUSE ME, DON'T EAT MYCHALK.

NOW LISTEN UP, IT ALL COMESDOWN TO TODAY.

WE CAN STAY HERE AND GET THE[BLEEP] KICKED OUT OF US OR

WE CAN FIGHT OUR WAY BACK.

WE'RE NOT HERE TO SNIFF BUTT,WE'RE HERE TO KICK BUTT, DO

YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

WE'RE A FOOTBALL TEAM GODDAMMIT.

HUDDLE UP, LET'S GO.

HUDDLE UP.

LET'S GO, GET IN HERE.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO THISTHING.

COME ON!

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