Low-T & Low-O

  • Aired:  12/04/12
  •  | Views: 82,784

An easily spread endocrine toxin boosts men's testosterone levels, while 11% to 41% of women suffer from female orgasmic disorder. (8:02)

MUST BE SO PROUD.

(LAUGHTER) MORE ON MARTIN LATER BUT NOW, FOLKS, I ALWAYS GO FROM THE GUT BECAUSE MY GUT IS THE LARGEST

SINGLE ORGAN IN MY BODY NEXT TO MY BALLS.

(LAUGHTER) SORRY, PROSTATE, MAYBE NEXT EXAM.

(LAUGHTER) BUT NOW SCIENTISTS SAY THAT THE OLDER YOU GET THE LESS YOU CAN TRUST YOUR GUT.

>> WE ALL HAVE A NATURAL SUSPICION IN OUR BRAINS, RIGHT?

IT WARNS US WHEN SOMEBODY'S NOT TRUSTWORTHY OR TRYING TO RIP US OFF.

YOU CAN FEEL IT.

BUT RESEARCHERS SAY WE GET LESS SKEPTICAL AS WE GET OLDER.

HERE'S THE BAD NEWS: IT STARTS IN YOUR MID-50s.

AS WE GET OLDER WE LOSE THE ABILITY TO DETERMINE WHO OR WHAT IS UNTRUSTWORTHY.

SHELLEY TAYLOR, THE LEAD RESEARCHER SAYS PEOPLE BASICALLY AS THEY AGE LOSE THAT GUT

FEELING THAT, HEY, SOMETHING'S WRONG HERE.

>> Stephen: WHO WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT THAT ELDERLY FOX NEWS VIEWERS WOULD BE MORE

SUSCEPTIBLE TO MISINFORMATION.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) NOW, FOLKS, MY 50s ARE YEARS AND TWO YEARS AWAY.

(LAUGHTER) BUT I WANT TO PROTECT MYSELF AGAINST BECOMING GULLIBLE.

FORTUNATELY A MAN ON T.V. IS SELLING ME A MIRACLE CURE THAT WILL KEEP ME YOUNG FOREVER!

IT'S CALLED "ANDRO GEL AND IT'S FOR TREATING SOMETHING CALLED LOW "T," A PHARMACEUTICAL

COMPANY RECOGNIZING MILLIONS OF MEN WITH LOW TESTOSTERONE PREVIOUSLY KNOWN AS GETTING OLDER.

(LAUGHTER) THIS TESTOSTERONE SUPPLEMENT WAS ORIGINALLY AVAILABLE IN THE NEAR 1% CONCENTRATION, OR AS I CALL

IT, MAN MILK SKIM.

(LAUGHTER) BUT LAST NIGHT WHEN I WAS WATCHING CNN'S PRIME TIME LINEUP OF ADS FOR ENSURE AND

SELF-LUBRICATING CATHETERS -- (LAUGHTER) BY THE WAY, GREAT WAY TO DELIVER ENSURE RIGHT TO THE NEEDED AREAS.

(LAUGHTER) I HEARD THE GREAT NEWS.

>> PRESENTING ANDROGEL 1.62%.

IT RAISES YOUR TESTOSTERONE LEVELS AND IT'S CONCENTRATED SO YOU CAN USE LESS GEL.

>> Stephen: WHAT AN INCREDIBLE BREAK THROUGH!

I DON'T KNOW HOW IT WORKS OR WHAT IT DOES BUT NOW I CAN USE LESS OF IT!

(LAUGHTER) THE BEST PART IS THIS HIGHLY CONCENTRATED MALE SEX HORMONE DOESN'T HAVE ONE SIDE EFFECT IT

HAS DOZENS OF THEM.

>> SERIOUS SIDE EFFECTS INCLUDE WORSENING OF ENLARGED PROSTATE, INCREASED RISK OF PROSTATE

CANCER, LOWER SPERM COUNT, SWELLING OF ANKLES, FEET, OR BODY.

>> Stephen: SO, FELLAS, KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR ANY SWELLING HERE, HERE, OR HERE.

(LAUGHTER) AND THAT IS NOT ALL THAT IT IS DOING FOR YOU.

>> MEN WITH BREAST CANCER OR WHO HAVE OR MIGHT HAVE PROSTATE CANCER AND WOMEN WHO ARE AND MAY

BECOME PREGNANT OR ARE BREAST-FEEDING SHOULD NOT USE IT.

>> Stephen: SO YOU'RE FINE AS LONG AS YOU DON'T HAVE CANCER, WILL NEVER GET CANCER, ARE NOT

PREGNANT, MIGHT BECOME PREGNANT, OR CAME INTO THIS WORLD VIA PREGNANCY.

(LAUGHTER) FOLKS, NEVER DOUBT ANDROGEL'S POTENCY, BECAUSE THE SIDE EFFECTS AREN'T JUST FOR YOU,

THEY'RE FOR ANYONE NEAR YOU!

>> DISCONTINUE ANDROJELL AND CALL YOUR DOCTOR IF YOU SEE UNEXPECTED SIGNS OF EARLY PUBER

ANY A CHILD OR SIGNS IN WOMAN WHICH MAY INCLUDE CHANGES IN BODY HAIR.

>> Stephen: NOW THAT SOUNDS SCARY.

THAT SOUNDS SCARY BUT IF YOUR SIX-YEAR-OLD GIRL GETS TOO CLOSE TO THE ANDROGEL, DON'T WORRY,

YOU HAVEN'T LOST A DAUGHTER, YOU'VE GAINED A COUSIN IT.

(LAUGHTER) NOW BECAUSE IT'S SO POWERFUL, THE MAKERS OF ANDROGEL HAVE PRODUCED A VIDEO TO SHOW YOU HOW

TO SAFELY CONTAIN THE HORMONE CHERNOBYL THAT WILL BE YOUR BATHROOM.

>> THIS IS DAVE, HE HAS HYPOGONADISM.

>> Stephen: AND THAT IS ONE OF THE LEAST POPULAR FORMS OF GONADISM.

(LAUGHTER) OKAY, GOT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT.

SO WHAT DO YOU DO, DAVE?

>> I APPLY IT EARLY IN THE MORN WHILE EVERYBODY ELSE IS STILL SLEEPING.

>> Stephen: EVIDENTLY YOU SHOULD APPLY IT WHEN YOUR FAMILY IS UNCONSCIOUS.

YOU CAN'T GET THEM IN THEIR DREAMS BUT LET ME ASK YOU, DAVE, WHAT IF I SPILL SOME?

>> IF ANY EXCESS GEL COMES OUT WHEN I'M PRIMING I WASH IT AWAY DOWN THE SINK TO AVOID

ACCIDENTAL EXPOSURE TO OTHERS.

>> I'LL AVOID EXPOSING IT TO OTHERS BY LETTING IT FLOW INTO MY TOWN'S WATER SUPPLY.

(LAUGHTER) AND WE'RE DONE.

>> ONCE YOU FINISH APPLYING IT, I RINSE DOWN THE BOTTLE AND WASH MY HANDS WITH SOAP AND WATER.

ALWAYS BE SURE TO RINSE OFF THE SINK HANDLES.

>> Stephen: OKAY, SO I'LL WATCH THE ANDROGEL, THEN WASH MYSELF, THEN WASH EVERYTHING THAT WASHED

EVERYTHING ELSE.

(LAUGHTER) OR -- YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT MIGHT BE SIMPLER TO KEEP A BUCKET OF FRENCH SINK HANDLES AROUND.

(LAUGHTER) BUT FOLKS, SAY IT'S A SMALL PRICE TO PAY BECAUSE NOW WITH THE ANDROGEL, I'M ALL JACKED AND

HAVE THE SEX DRIVE OF A 25-YEAR-OLD AND I'M READY TO THRILL MY WIFE.

>> IF A WOMAN OR CHILD COMES INTO CONTACT WITH THE APPLICATION AREA, THAT AREA ON

THE WOMAN OR CHILD SHOULD BE WASHED WELL WITH SOAP AND WATER RIGHT AWAY.

>> Stephen: OKAY, NO CONTACT WITH WOMEN.

NO BIG DEAL, AS LONG AS YOU'RE CAREFUL ANDROGEL CAN STILL BE JUST THE THING YOU AND YOUR LADY

NEED TO REKINDLE THAT OLD FIRE IN THE BEDROOM.

(LAUGHTER) BUT IT'S FOREPLAY.

FOREPLAY.

THE POINT IS THIS MASS MARKETED EASILY SPREAD ENDO CIN TOXIN IS NOW AVAILABLE IN 1.6 20%.

YOUR BALLS WILL THANK YOU FOR IT.

SERIOUSLY.

THEY MAY GAIN THE POWER OF SPEECH.

(LAUGHTER) BUT MEN AREN'T THE ONLY ONES WHO NEED HELP IN THE HORMONE ZONE BECAUSE ACCORDING TO THE

AMERICAN PSYCHIATRIC ASSOCIATION 11% TO 41% OF WOMEN SUFFER FROM A CONDITION KNOWN AS FEMALE

ORGASMIC DISORDER.

YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT.

11% TO 41%.

(LAUGHTER) SO THIS IS EITHER VERY RARE OR COMPLETELY NORMAL.

(LAUGHTER) THE POINT IS, WHERE I AM DOING SEX WRONG.

NOW, THIS ORGASMIC DISORDER IS WHAT I CALL LOW "O" TRADEMARKED.

AND, FOLKS, THIS MAY COME AS A SHOCK.

BUT BIG PHARMA HAS A PROFITABLE ANSWER FOR THAT, TOO.

>> WOMEN WHO HAVE TROUBLE REACHING ORGASM DURING SEX COULD SOON GET HELP, BELIEVE IT OR NOT

FROM A NASAL SPRAY.

>> THEY MIGHT ALSO GET HELP FROM THAT GUY'S MUSTACHE.

(LAUGHTER) SO WHAT IS THIS MIRACLE PRODUCT?

>> IT'S CALLED TESINA.

>> WOMEN WOULD SPRAY TWO PUMPS IN EACH NOSTRIL ABOUT TWO HOURS BEFORE SEX.

IT'S EXPECTED TO WORK FOR UP TO SIX HOURS.

>> Stephen: YES, IT'S GOOD FOR UP TO SIX HOURS, ALTHOUGH MEN ARE NOT.

(LAUGHTER) SO BASICALLY IF A FEW MINUTES OF INTIMACY FOLLOWED BY FIVE AND A HALF HOURS OF HIGHLY EROTIC SCRAPBOOKING.

(LAUGHTER) SO JUST WHAT'S IN THERE THAT'S SO GOOD FOR WOMEN?

>> IT'S A NASAL GEL THAT DELIVERS A DOSE OF TESTOSTERONE DIRECTLY TO THE BRAIN.

>> Stephen: IT'S TESTOSTERONE!

SO IT'S JUST ANDROGEL YOU SHOOT STRAIGHT INTO YOUR BRAIN!

SO, LADIES, DON'T BE SURPRISED IF YOUR PRE-FRONTAL LOBE SPROUTS A HANDLEBAR MUSTACHE.

(LAUGHTER) SO GET TEFINA, LADIES.

IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD A PRESCRIPTION, JUST TELL YOUR HUSBAND NOT THE RINSE OUT THE SINK.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

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