Stephen Colbert's meReporters

  • Aired:  11/28/11
  •  | Views: 75,551

CNN lays off 50 staff members, and Stephen gets in on the uncompensated future of news at the meReporters 6700. (5:06)

>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY

MUCH, WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY, NATION, I HAVE

ALWAYS BELIEVED THAT A NEWS

ORGANIZATION SHOULD BE A

LEAN ORGANIZATION.

THAT'S WHY I DO THIS SHOW

SINGLE-HANDEDLY, ISN'T THAT

RIGHT, MICHAEL STIPE.

>> HEY-HO!

>> Stephen: AND NOW-- GOOD

MAN.

AND NOW THE LAYOFF BUG HAS

BITTEN MY COLLEAGUES OVER AT

CABLE NEWS NETWORK, THE

CABLE NEWS NETWORK.

RECENTLY CNN LAID OFF 50

STAFF MEMBERS, NOBODY

IMPORTANT, JUST EDITORS AND

PHOTO JOURNALISTS.

BECAUSE NEW TECHNOLOGY IN

DESKTOP EDITING AND USER

GENERATED CONTENT AND SOCIAL

MEDIA HAVE MADE SOME EDITING

AND PHOTO JOURNALISM

POSITIONS REDUNDANT.

YOU SEE, CNN DOESN'T NEED AS

MANY EDITORS AND PHOTO

JOURNALISTS BECAUSE THEY

HAVE IREPORTS.

FOOTAGE, COMMENTARY AND

ARTICLES THAT CNN VIEWERS

SELF-PRODUCE AND THEN

UPLOAD.

IT SI A BRILLIANT IDEA.

WHY BUY THE COW WHEN YOU CAN

HAVE IT SHAKEILY VIDEOTAPE

ITS OWN MILK FOR FREE.

NOW LAST WEEK CNN RELAUNCHED

IREPORT AS A SOCIAL NETWORK,

COMPLETE WITH AN ASSIGNMENT

DESK WHERE YOU CAN GO TO

FIND OUT WHAT STORIES CNN

WANTS YOU TO COVER.

I CERTAINLY HOPE SOME

REPORTS ON THAT PICKET FENCE

THAT IS SO FUN TO PAINT.

BEST OF ALL, I REPORTERS DO

NOT GET PAID.

THEY GET SOMETHING EVEN

BETTER.

BADGES.

WHICH I ASSUME ARE

REDEEMABLE FOR FOOD AND

RENT.

PLUS YOU GET NOTHING ELSE.

IT'S LIKE AN INTERNSHIP, IF

YOU WORK FOR FREE, PUTTING

YOUR TIME AND YOUR WORK IS

GOOD ENOUGH, MAYBE ONE DAY

YOU COULD BE LAID OFF BY

CNN.

NOW IREPORT CUTS THROUGH THE

MEDIA FILTER TO REPORT THE

NEWS THAT PEOPLE IN THE REAL

WORLD ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT

LIKE WHAT JO JO-GAL MADE FOR

DINNER LAST NIGHT,

UNNARRATED VACATION FOOTAGE,

LATE-BREAKING TORTOISE

REPORT, INVESTIGATIVE

COVERAGE OF COMPUTERS

SHOWING YOUTUBE VIDEOS,

PHOTOS WITHOUT ANY

EXPLANATIONS, THE WEATHER

AND A LITTLE GIRL'S BACKYARD

AND THE MINDLESS DRONES OF A

HOMELESS MAN.

>> I WAS AT GUANTANAMO IN

THE EARLY 09s WHEN THE VICE

PRESIDENT, DICK CHENEY SAID

TO ME THE OTHER DAY, IT IS

THE TROPIC, IT IS A LOVELY

PLACE.

HE HAS A POINT STATEMENT

LOVELY PLACE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: FOLKS CLEARLY,

CLEARLY THIS, LOOK HOW MUCH

THEY LOVE IT.

CLEARLY THIS IS THE FUTURE

OF NEWS.

AND DADDY WANTS IN.

SO TONIGHT I'M PROUD TO

ANNOUNCE STEPHEN COLBERT'S

ME-REPORTS.

AN ARMY OF ME-REPORTERS

COVERING THE HOTTEST STORIES

OF THE DAY FROM AN

UNCOMPENSATED WORKERS POINT

OF VIEW.

FOR MORE LET'S HEAD OVER TO

THE ME REPORTER 6700.

WELCOME TO THE ME REPORT

6700, WHERE FIELD REPORTER

MEANS A HANDI CAM DUCT TAPED

TO YOUR DOG.

AS YOU CAN SEE, RIGHT NOW WE

HAVE GOT DOZENS AND DOZENS

OF ME REPORTERS ALL OVER

AMERICA.

LET'S CHECK IN ON SOME OF

OUR TOP STORIES RIGHT HERE

WE HAVE-- I'M SORRY, THAT IS

FOOTAGE OF MY COLONOSCOPY,

OKAY.

LET'S SEE, LET'S SEE, RIGHT

UP OVER HERE.

WE HAVE-- BOB!

BOB!

>> Stephen: IT APPEARS TO BE

A GOAT YELLING THE WORD BOB.

SO THAT'S HAPPENING.

LET'S SEE SOMETHING ELSE.

THAT IS A SCREENSAVER, OKAY.

I TELL YOU WHAT, LET'S GO

OUT TO ME-REPORTER TERRY

WARD WITH A RUNDOWN OF THE

HEADLINES EVERYONE WILL BE

TALKING ABOUT TOMORROW IN

VIDEOS THEY MAKE ME FOR

FREE.

TERRY.

>> HEY, STEPHEN, HERE ARE

THE STORIES THAT WE'RE

FOLLOWING IN THE SITUATION

BUS STOP.

OUR TOP STORY, NUMBER 11 BUS

IS LATE AGAIN.

SO LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE

HEADLINES.

(LAUGHTER)

THERE THEY ARE, OCCUPIERS

ARE NOT CUT FROM THE SAME

CLOTH.

I ASSUME THAT'S A METAPHOR

OTHERWISE THERE HAS BEEN

SOME HORRIFIC VIOLENCE.

IN OTHER BREAKING NEWS,

HOLIDAY RETAIL SALES TOP

RECORDS.

AND THOSE RECORDS ARE BELOW

THE FOLD SO WE WILL HAVE

MORE DETAILS ON THAT STORY

AS SOMEONE COMES BY WITH

SOME QUARTERS.

WHERE IS THAT BUS!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: THANK YOU,

TERRY.

FOR THAT ABSOLUTELY FREE

REPORT WHICH FOR THE PRICE

WAS EXCELLENT.

AND BRAVO CNN FOR GETTING

RID OF ALL THOSE PESKY

PROFESSIONALS.

HOPEFULLY THIS BOLD MOVE

WILL HELP YOU GET RID OF

YOUR REMAINING VIEWERS.

Loading...