Better Business Hero

  • Aired:  11/29/10
  •  | Views: 20,490

The next hot investment opportunity is toys your grandfather played with during the Depression. (3:07)

THANK YOU SO MUCH, FOLKS.

NATION, I DON'T WANT TO BRAG,

BUT I LIKE TO THINK I MADE MY

LITTLE CONTRIBUTIONS TO THIS

COUNTRY.

LAST YEAR I DECLARED VICTORY IN

THE IRAQ WAR.

THIS YEAR I SAVED THE UNITED

STATES OLYMPIC TEAM.

AND MOST RECENTLY I BROUGHT BACK

THE JUMPSUIT AND CAPE.

FOLKS, I HAVE DONE IT AGAIN.

YOU SEE, BEFORE THE BREAK I

TALKED WITH BARRY FOX, THE

PRESIDENT OF MARBLE KING,

AMERICA'S ONLY MARBLE

MANUFACTURER, AND I SAID THIS, "

IF I CAN JUST ENCOURAGE THE

CHILDREN OUT THERE, THIS IS A

FUN, ONLY MILDLY CHOKING HAZARD

GAME.

PLAY MARBLES."

>> YES, PLAY MARBLES.

>> Stephen: YOU'RE SAVING

AMERICAN JOBS.

NOT TO MENTION FEEDING TONS OF

HUNGRY, HUNGRY HIPPOS.

SINCE MS. FOX WAS ON MY SHOW,

MARBLE KIN BUSINESS HAS GONE

THROUGH THE ROOF.

SHE'S GOTTEN SO MUCH MAIL,

THEY'VE HAD TO UPGRADE THEIR WEB

SITE FOUR TIME, INCLUDING

HUNDREDS OF NEW ORDERS.

MARKELL KING IS MAKING SO MUCH

CASH, HE MAY SOON BE ABLE TO

AFFORD A GRANITE TOUPEE INSTEAD

OF THAT COMBOVER.

AND THIS SMALL BUSINESS IS SO

HOT THAT MS. FOX IS GOING TO BE

ON THE MARTHA STEWART SHOW THIS

WEEK.

I WONDER HOW MARTHA DISCOVERED

HER.

JIMMY, WHO WAS MY OTHER GUEST

THE DAY MS. FOX WAS ON THE SHOW?

OH, THAT'S RIGHT, IT WAS MARTHA

STEWART.

NOW, I KNEW THEY'D GET ALONG,

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

BECAUSE MS. FOX'S COLD, LIFELESS

MARBLES PERFECTLY MATCHED

MARTHA'S EYES.

NATION -- THAT'S FOR COMING ON,

MARTHA -- NATION, I HAVE

SINGLE-HANDEDLY SAVED AMERICAN

MANUFACTURING, AND I WILL NOT

STOP AT MARBLES.

MARK MY WORDS, THE NEXT HOT

INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY IS TOYS

YOUR GRAND FARE PLAYED WITH

DURING THE DEPRESSION.

TAKE EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT AND

SINK IT INTO HOOP AND STICK

FUTURES.

SEE.

LOOK HOW FUN THIS.

IS HOOP AND STICK.

YOU ALL RIGHT?

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT.

OR, JACK, OR, JACK, I DON'T HAVE

ANY [BLEEPED] JACKS.

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

JACKS ARE GREAT ININVESTMENT

SCHEME.

HERE'S HOW I'M GOING TO MAKE

MONEY.

I'M GOING TO BUY UP THE THREE

Zs, BUNDLE THEM WITH TWO Zs

AND SHORT SELL THEM AS FIVSIE

DERIVATIVES.

BUT FIRST THING, I'M THROWING

EVERYTHING I'VE GOT INTO BALL

AND CUP.

FOLKS, YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE NEW

INTERNET RIGHT HERE.

IT CAN'T MISS.

IT IS A SLAM... IT IS A SLAM.

IT IS A SLAM... IT IS A SLAM...

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