The Word - On Your Feet

  • Aired:  10/29/13
  •  | Views: 38,368

As the wealthiest one percent prospers, a growing number of Americans resort to selling their body parts. (6:07)

UPGRADE.

>> IT HAS BEEN FIVE YEARS SINCEAMERICA WAS DRIVEN TO FINANCIAL

UIN BY, WELL, WHO CAN REMEMBER? ALL RIGHT.

LET'S JUST SAY IT WAS OBAMA.

PULL UP THE PRESIDENT SMILING INFRONT OF A POOR FAMILY.

YES.

THAT FEELS RIGHT.

THE POINT IS, IT WASN'T THEBANKS.

NOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE LOST THEIRSAVINGS AND HAVE HAD TO PAY FOR

THEIR RETIREMENT WITH THINGSLIKE REVERSE MORTGAGES WHERE IN

EXCHANGE FOR CASH NOW, FREDTHOMPSON GETS YOUR HOME WHEN YOU

DIE.

AND AS FAR AS I AM AWARE, HE ISNOT LEGALLY ALLOWED TO KILL YOU

TO GET IT SOONER.

THANK YOU, ELIZABETH WARREN.

SO TIMES ARE TOUGH, IT IS TRUEBUT NOW WE HAVE BOUNCED BACK, IF

BY "WE" I DON'T MEAN YOU, ANDGENERALLY I DON'T, BECAUSE SINCE

2009, 95 PERCENT OF INCOME GAINSHAVE GONE TO THE TOP

ONE PERCENT.

SO THAT IS JUST WRONG.

THE ONE PERCENT SHOULD GET99 PERCENT.

THAT ADDS UP TO 100.

WHERE IS THE MISSINGFOUR PERCENT? I BET THE POOR

TOOK IT, YOU KNOW THEY STEAL.

YOU KNOW, FOLKS, WE KNOW THEREARE MORE TAKERS EVERY DAY.

MATCHERS, WHO ARE MAKING OFF OFUS MAKERS.

>> 60 MILLIONS ARE DEPENDENT ONSOCIAL SECURITY.

>> ONE OUT OF EVERY SEVENAMERICANS RECEIVE FOOD STAMPS.

>> IT HAS GONE UP11,000 PERCENT.

>> I AM CONCERNED.

>> YES, ENTITLEMENTS ARENARCOTICS.

YOU HAVE GOT FOOD STAMP JUNKIESRIDING THE MEAL PONY TWO OR

THREE TIMES A DAY.

SOMETIMES THE FIRST THING THEYDO IN THE MORNING IS WAKE AND

BAKE.

BUT THERE IS A WAY, THERE IS ATRIED AND TRUE WAY FOR THE

MOOCHERS TO PAY THE BILLSWITHOUT LOOKING FOR A HANDOUT

AND IT IS THE SUBJECT OFTONIGHT'S WORD.

.. FOLKS, WHEN WE DO GET THISCOUNTRY BACK ON ITS FEET, YOU

WILL BE THANKFUL INDUSTRIOUSAMERICANS LIKE 35-YEAR-OLD

ATLANTA MOTHER OF TWO, APRILHARE, AFTER LOSING HER JOB AS A

SALES MANAGER AND FACINGEVICTION, APRIL POSTED PICTURES

OF HER 18-INCH LONG AUBURN HAIRON BUY AND SELL HAIR.COM.

THE APRIL AD ASKS FOR $1,000,AND WITHIN HOURS RECEIVED A

FLOOD OF OFFERS.

NOW, FOLKS, I HAVE NO IDEA, IHAVE NO IDEA WHO OUT THERE PAID

SO MUCH FOR LONG AUBURN HAIRALTHOUGH I HAVE NOTICED

SOMETHING DIFFERENT ABOUT JIMCRAMER LATELY.

>> APRIL, APRIL IS PART OF AGROWING NEW TREND OF CASH

STRAPPED AMERICANS MAKING ENDSMEET BY SELLING THEIR HAIR,

BREAST MILK AND EGGS.

>> FOLKS, THIS IS GOODOLD-FASHIONED SELF-RELIANCE.

I SAY WHY SUCKLE AT UNCLE SAM'STEAT WHEN YOU CAN SUCK ON YOUR

OWN TEAT.

AND WE IN THE TOP ONE PERCENTARE ROLLING IN THE DOUGH, IT IS

NOTHING FOR US TO PAY UP TO $5AN OUNCE FOR YOUR BREAST MILK

AND $7,000 FOR YOUR EGGS.

AND IF YOU ARE EVICTED YOU CANLABEL THEM FREE RANGE.

AND MORE AND MORE PEOPLE, FOLKS,MORE AND MORE PEOPLE WANT TO GET

IN ON THE ACTION.

IN FACT, WHEN YOU GOOGLE I WANTTO SELL MY -- ONE OF THE TOP

SUGGESTIONS IS KIDNEYS.

BUT, OF COURSE, BIG GOVERNMENTIS KEEPING SELF MOTIVATED

AMERICANS FROM STRIPPINGTHEMSELVES FOR PARTS LIKE A

STOLEN CAMARO.

BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH, EVEN THOUGHIT CAN FETCH $15,000 ON THE

BLACK MARKET, IT IS ILLEGAL TOSELL A KIDNEY.

I MEAN, JUST THINK ABOUT IT.

$15,000 IS ENOUGH TO TAKE A FEWMONTHS OFF WORK, WHICH YOU WILL

NEED TO RECOVER FROM ANUNLICENSED STRANGER OPERATING ON

YOU WITH AN EXACTO KNIFE ANDBARBECUE TONGS.

NOW, BETTER YET, BETTER YET, WHYNOT MAKE 40 GRAND AND SELL BOTH

KIDNEYS.

IF YOU INSIST ON FILTERING YOURBLOOD, JUST JAM A COUPLE OF

BRITA FILTERS IN THERE.

NOW, REMEMBER, IT IS ALL TO MAKESURE YOU CAN SUPPORT YOURSELF IN

YOUR RETIREMENT, DURING WHICHYOU WILL NOT BE RETIRED,

BECAUSE, ACCORDING TO A NEWSURVEY A GROWING PERCENTAGE OF

MIDDLE INCOME AMERICANS SAY THEYWILL HAVE TO WORK UNTIL THEY DIE

WHICH OF COURSE WILL MAKE THISVERY DISTURBING WAL-MART

GREETERS.

NOW, FOLKS, PERSONALLY, I DON'TTHINK AMERICANS WORKING UNTIL

THEY ARE DEAD IS RIGHT.

CAN'T THEY WORK UNTIL AFTER THEYARE DEAD? I MEAN, IF PEOPLE --

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Colbert: IF PEOPLE OUT

THERE -- THINK ABOUT THIS,FOLKS, IF PEOPLE PAID THAT MUCH

FOR KIDNEYS, THAT MEANSAMERICANS HAVE A LOT OF EQUITY

IN THEIR GUT.

SO WHY NOT, WHY NOT CONSIDER AREVERSE MORTGAGE ON YOUR ENTIRE

BODY.

WE IN THE ONE PERCENT WILL GIVEYOU POOR PEOPLE GUARANTEED

MONTHLY PAYMENTS IN EXCHANGE FORFIRST DIBS ON YOUR VITAL ORGANS

WHEN YOU KICK IT.

YOU WILL GET CASH NOW AND WEWILL EVEN LET YOU STAY IN YOUR

BODY UNTIL YOU DIE.

JUST MAKE SURE -- JUST MAKE SUREYOU MAINTAIN THE VALUE OF THE

PROPERTY, BECAUSE IF YOU DON'TTAKE CARE OF THAT TICKER, I

MIGHT HAVE TO REPOSSESS IT.

SO, PLEASE, AVOID STRESS WHILEWORKING YOUR TWO JOBS AND

HARVESTING YOUR HAIR TO PAY THERENT.

I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE GET AMASSAGE.

BECAUSE, FOLKS, THIS COUNTRYWILL ONLY BE GREAT AGAIN IF

AVERAGE AMERICANS STOP ASKINGFOR HANDOUTS AND PULL THEMSELVES

UP BY THEIR OWN BOOT STRAPS.

BY WHICH I MEAN SELLING THEIRACHILLES' TENDONS, BECAUSE I

TORE MINE PLAYING SQUASH.

AND THAT IS THE WORD.

WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>

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