Thad Cochran on Doing Indecent Things with Animals

  • Aired:  06/18/14
  •  | Views: 28,214

In an apparent effort to prove his down-home roots, Senator Thad Cochran shares fond memories of committing indecent acts with animals. (3:23)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,EVERYBODY.

THANKS SO MUCH.

NATION, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOUGUYS, BUT I FOR ONE, I AM STILL

REELING FROM ERIC CANTOR'SSTUNNING PRIMARY LOSS TO A TEA

PARTY CHALLENGER.

VIRGINIA HAS NOT SEEN THIS KINDOF UPSET SINCE ROBERT LEE TURNED

OUT TO BE THE SECOND GREATESTMILITARY MIND OF HIS ERA.

CLEARLY EVERYONE WHO THOUGHT THETEA PARTY WAS DEAD IN THE WATER

FORGOT HOW IMPORTANT WATER IS INTHE TEA-MAKING PROCESS.

THAT'S JUST SCIENCE.

THE ONLY SCIENCE THEY ACCEPT, BYTHE WAY.

AND NOW YET ANOTHER REPUBLICANINCUMBENT COULD BE TEA PARTIED

IN MISSISSIPPI.

TALK RADIO HOST CHRIS McDANIELIS IN A REPUBLICAN PRIMARY

RUN-OFF AGAINST INCUMBENTSENATOR AND SITCOM GRANDPA THAD

COCHRAN.

McDANIEL HAS AN EIGHT-POINTLEAD OVER COCHRAN BECAUSE HE'S

REINFORCED A NARRATIVE THAT THESIX-TERM SENATOR COCHRAN IS OUT

OF TOUCH WITH MISSISSIPPI.

BUT SENATOR COCHRAN RECENTLYGAVE A SPEECH AT WHAT

APPARENTLY WAS A "MATLOCK"CONVENTION.

[LAUGHTER]WHERE HE PROVED HIS MISSISSIPPI

DOWN-HOME ROOTS.

>> MY FATHER'S FAMILY WAS HERE.

MY MOTHER'S FAMILY WAS FROMRURAL HINDS COUNTY UTICA.

IT WAS FUN.

IT WAS AN ADVENTURE.

TO BE OUT THERE IN THE COUNTRYAND TO SEE WHAT GOES ON, PICKING

UP PECANS FROM THAT TO ALL KINDSOF INDECENT THINGS WITH ANIMALS.

[LAUGHTER]>> Stephen: YES.

INDECENT THINGS WITH ANIMALS.

NOW THERE'S MAN OF THE PEOPLE.

AND WHEN PEOPLE ARE NOTAVAILABLE, ANYTHING WARM.

FOLKS, THIS IS HOW YOU WIN ANELECTION BY IMPLYING THAT YOU

BANGED A COW.

COCHRAN'S MESSAGE IS: I'M NOTONE OF THOSE BIG-CITY TYPES WHO

DOES DECENT THINGS WITH ANIMALS.

PERSONALLY I WANT TO THANKCOCHRAN.

I'M FROM SOUTH CAROLINA, WHICHISN'T THAT FAR FROM MISSISSIPPI,

JUST A FEW HUNDRED MILES AS THESHEEP FLEES.

AND ALL MY LIFE, I HAVE DEALTWITH HATEFUL STEREOTYPES ABOUT

SOUTHERNERS.

BUT NOW SENATOR COCHRAN HASSTEPPED UP AND SHOWN THE WORLD A

POSITIVE IMAGE OF SOUTHERNERS.

WE'RE INTELLIGENT, CARING PEOPLEWHO ALSO [BLEEPED] ANIMALS.

I MEAN, WHY, THINK ABOUT IT, WHYDO YOU THINK... WHY DO YOU THINK

WE EAT SO MUCH BARBECUE?

WE'RE GETTING RID OF THEWITNESSES.

[LAUGHTER]THIS IS A GAME CHANGER, FOLKS.

IF McDANIEL WANTS TO HAVE ANYCHANCE IN THE PRIMARY, HE NEEDS

TO KNOCK OUT A FEW TEETH, PUT ONA STRAW HAT AND ONE-STRAP

OVERALLS AND SHOW UP TO HIS NEXTSTUMP SPEECH WITH ONE HAND

HOLDING A JUG OF MOONSHINE ANDTHE OTHER ONE HOLDING HIS

SISTER'S TITTY. OTHERWISEI'M AFRAID IT WILL BE

SENATOR COCHRAN HAVING THEVICTORY PARTY AT CAMPAIGN

HEADQUARTERS, AND, OF COURSE,THE VICTORY AFTER-PARTY AT THE

PETTING ZOO. BY THE WAY,REPUBLICAN SQUIRREL,

STAY THE HELL OUT OFMISSISSIPPI.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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