Corporate Scamwich

  • Aired:  01/17/13
  •  | Views: 34,502

Two New York Post reporters expose a massive corporate conspiracy through an investigative journalism technique known as lunch. (2:59)

[EAGLE CAW]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE REPORT, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

[CROWD CHANTING STEPHEN]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU FOR THE AMOUNT OF ENERGY YOU PUT INTO THAT CHANTING GIVEN THE FACT THAT

YOU'VE DONE IT BEFORE.

WELCOME TO HOUR TWO OF THE BROADCAST.

NATION, YOU KNOW, I DO THIS SHOW FOR ONE REASON AND ONE REASON ONLY, TO LOOK OUT FOR YOU.

AS WE SPEAK THERE'S A MASSIVE CORPORATE CONSPIRACY TO RIP YOU OFF THAT THE PRESIDENT HAS BEEN

STRANGELY SILENT ON.

FORTUNATELY ONE BRAVE NEWS ORGANIZATION TACKLED IT HEAD ON.

"THE NEW YORK POST".

TODAY THEIR FRONT PAGE BLEW THE LID OFF THE SCANDAL HONEY, THEY SHRUNK THE FOOT LONG.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BLACK AND WHITE.

TURNS OUT THAT THE SUBWAY FOOT-LONG IS SOMETIMES 11 INCHES.

WE'VE BEEN $5 FOOT WRONGED.

COME ON!

12 INCHES IS 12 INCHES.

I KNOW IT'S COLD OUT BUT THAT'S NO EXCUSE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW -- NOW WE KNOW HOW JARED LOST ALL THAT WEIGHT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

HE STARVED TO DEATH.

[ LAUGHTER ]

FOLKS THIS IS AN ENORMOUS BREACH OF TRUST, SUBWAY.

ARE YOUR EMPLOYEES EVEN CERTIFIED SANDWICH ARTISTS?

HAVE THEY PASSED THE FREE ART TEST WHERE THEY HAVE TO MAKE A TURTLE OUT OF LUNCH MEAT?

I WANT TO GIVE HATS OFF TO REPORTERS CAYLEE AND NATALEE O'KNEEL THE WOODWARD AND

BERNSTEIN OF OSCAR AND MEYER.

THEY BROKE THIS THROUGH AN INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALISM TECHNIQUE KNOWN AS LUNCH.

THEY PUT THIS SCAM HITCH WICH IN PER INSPECTY SAYING IF YOU BUY A FOOT LONG EVERY OTHER WEEK FOR A

YEAR IT'S A ALSO OF $100.

IT'S THE MONEY YOU'LL NEED TO COVER THE MED CALL BILLS FROM EATING ALL THOSE FOOT-LONGS.

SUBWAY, IT'S OVER.

I'M GOING TO BE KEEPING YOU HONEST BUT MEASURING EVERY SANDWICH BY THE MOST ACCURATE

MEANS

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