Emily Bazelon

  • Aired:  02/19/13
  •  | Views: 22,388

The senior editor of Slate discusses her book, "Sticks & Stones: Defeating the Culture of Bullying and Rediscovering the Power of Character and Empathy." (5:37)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

MY GUEST IS A SENIOR EDITOR AT "SLATE" MAGAZINE WHO'S GOT A NEW BOOK ABOUT BULLYING.

IT'D BE A GREAT TO THROW AT SOMEONE PLEASE WELCOME EMILY BAZELON.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

THANK YOUS FOR COMING BACK.

>> THANKS FOR HAVING ME.

>> Stephen: AS I SAID OVER THERE YOU ARE SENIOR EDITOR OF "SLATE" MAGAZINE.

I LISTEN TO SLATE GAB FESTS ON FRIDAYS.

VERY RELAXING TO ME.

I LISTEN TO YOU.

>> WE'RE SO GLAD TO HEAR THAT.

>> Stephen: I'VE BEEN LISTENING YOU TO YOU TALK ABOUT THE THIS BOOK ON THE GAB FEST

IT'S CALLED "STICKS AND STONES: DEFEATING THE CULTURE OF BULLYING AND REDISCOVERING THE

POWER OF 'EM PATHY AND CHARACTER." WHAT IS 'EM PATHY?

>> IT'S PUTTING YOURSELF IN SOMEONE'S SHOES AND IMAGINING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE AND HAVE THEIR STRUGGLES.

>> Stephen: LIKE WHAT?

>> LIKE GROWING UP WITHOUT ENOUGH MONEY OR FEELRY REALLY LEFT OUT, FEELING SOCIALLY

AWKWARD LIKE YOU DON'T BELONG.

>> Stephen: WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH BULLYING?

BULLIES DON'T DO THAT?

>> ONE OF BIG PROBLEMS WITH BULLIES IS THEY SORT OF FREEZE THEIR OWN FEELINGS OF 'EM PATHY

AND THEY ARE NOT GOOD ADD IMAGINING WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE THE PERSON HAVING THE PAIN

INFLICTED ON THEM.

>> Stephen: IT'S ALSO CALLED A SOCIOPATH.

>> THAT'S TRUE BUT LUCKILY IT'S RARE.

A SOCIOPATH IS SOMEONE WHO CAN NEVER FEEL 'EM PATHY AND BE COMPLETELY COLD FOREVER.

>> Stephen: LIKE TUCKER CARLSON.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> BUT LUCKILY THAT ALMOST NEVER HAPPENS.

>> Stephen: WHEN I SAW THE BOOK, I REATD IT.

I THOUGHT IT WAS A GUIDE ON HOW TO BULLY.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT YOU ARE TALKING A LOT IN HERE ABOUT SORT OF HOW -- HOW WE APPROACH BULLYING IN THIS.

LET'S TALK A LITTLE BIT ABOUT HOW YOU PERSONALLY APPROACH BULLYING.

WERE YOU BULLIED YOURSELF?

>> HIS A MOMENT IN EIGHTH GRADE WHERE MY FRIENDS ESSENTIALLY ALL DUMPED ME.

THEY DIDN'T WANT TO BE MY FRIENDS ANYMORE.

>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU?

WHAT DID YOU DO?

>> I WAS REALLY MISERABLE.

I WENT HOME AND CRIED A LOT.

>> Stephen: NO, WHAT DID YOU DO TO MAKE THEM DUMP YOU?

YOU HAD TO DO LOSE.

CAUSE AND EFFECT?

WERE YOU A LOSER?

>> I THINK I WAS.

I SPENT A LOT OF TIME WORRY BEING WHAT I HAD DONE WRONG AND PICKING MYSELF APART.

THE THING ABOUT BEING BULLIED IS IT SHREDS YOUR SELF WORTH.

>> Stephen: YOU WENT HOME AND CRIED.

>> I WENT HOME AND CRIED AND FOUND ANOTHER GIRL IN MY CLASS WHO WAS FIRED BY HER GROUP OF FRIENDS.

WE KIND OF AS COLOSERS GOT TOGETHER.

>> Stephen: YOU STOOD UP FOR EACH OTHER.

>> ACTUALLY I DIDN'T DO THAT FOR HER.

IT'S A BIG REGRET THAT I WRITE ABOUT IN THE BOOK.

THE GIRLS MEAN TO THIS FRIEND OF MINE HAD A LOT OF SOCIAL POWER.

THEY TORMENT HER.

THERE WAS THIS ONE PARTICULAR MOMENT IN THE SCHOOL LUNCH ROOM WHERE THE SPOTLIGHT WAS SHOT

SHOWN ON THE FRIEND OF MINE IN A CRUEL AND PUBLIC WAY BECAUSE I DIDN'T DO -- AND I DIDN'T DO

ANYTHING TO HELP HER.

WHAT I DID -- WHERE WHY I WROTE THE BOOK, IS HOW TO MAKE KIDS RESPOND BETTER THAN I DO.

>> Stephen: THIS IS WHY YOUR FRIENDS DUMPED YOU.

YOU ARE CLEARLY A TERRIBLE FRIEND.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

>> MOST OF CONFLICT IS TWO WAY MUTUAL KIDS FIGHTING.

THEY CALL IT DRAWMA.

IT'S A USEFUL WORD.

BULLYING THE OFFICIAL DEFINITION IS VERBAL OR PHYSICAL ABUSE OR HARASSMENT REPEATED OVER TIME

AND INVOLVES A POWER IMBALANCE.

>> Stephen: OFFICIAL FROM WEBSTERS OR THE GOVERNMENT DEPARTMENT OF BULLY SOMETHING IN

WHAT DO YOU MEAN OFFICIAL?

>> FROM ACADEMICS WHO STUDY.

THIS THE PEOPLE WHO CREATED WHAT I THINK OF AS THE FIELD OF BULLYING STUDIES WHICH SAY REAL

FIELD OF STUDY.

>> Stephen: SHOULD THERE BE?

IF WE'RE MAKING TOO MUCH OF BULLYING SHOULD THERE BE A DEPARTMENT AT YALE?

ARE YOU SAYING WE DON'T THINK ENOUGH OR TOO MUCH?

>> WE NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE THE LABEL FAIRLY.

WE NEED MORE RESEARCHERS THINKING ABOUT HOW TO PREVENT IT AND HOW TO HELP SCHOOLS AND

WHOLE COMMUNITIES, FAMILIES SOLVE THE PROBLEM.

>> Stephen: DO YOU THINK I'M A BULLY?

>> I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS A LOT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I ANY SOMETIMES --

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: IT'S OKAY.

WHATEVER THE ANSWER IS.

>> I THINK SOMETIMES YOU BULLY PEOPLE BUT I DON'T THINK YOU ARE ALWAYS A BULLY.

AND YOUR GUESTS.

WE DON'T HAVE AS MUCH POWER AS YOU, RIGHT?

UH-OH.

SORRY.

YOU ARE MORE POWERFUL THAN US.

YOU ARE A BIG POWERFUL TV HOST, RIGHT?

>> Stephen: YES.

>> YOU ALMOST NEVER MAKE THAT FACE.

REALLY.

YOU ARE ALWAYS IN CONTROL AND WE'RE THE ONES WHO ARE -- WE'RE THE ONES WHO ARE MORE AT YOUR

MERCY USUALLY.

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BUT NOW I'M --

>> Stephen: I HATE YOU.

I HATE YOU.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I HATE YOU.

>> SORRY.

BUT YOU ARE NOT A BULLY BECAUSE YOU COULD CHANGE.

AND ALSO BECAUSE WE'RE HERE OBVIOUSLY IT'S OUR CHOICE TO BE HERE.

>> Stephen: IT IS YOUR CHOICE.

IT'S SOMETIMES LIKE THE NERD'S FAULT.

>> NO.

>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.

EMILY BAZELON, "STICKS AND STONES." WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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