Tiny Triumphs - NASA's Giant Penis Doodle

  • Aired:  04/24/13
  •  | Views: 42,057

America takes a pristine planet 140 million miles away and scribbles on it like it's the face of a passed-out frat boy. (3:37)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

NATION, YOU KNOW, IF YOU WATCH

THE NEWS AS MUCH AS I DO, YOU

KNOW THAT EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK,

THERE'S BAD NEWS: TV, INTERNET,

NEWSPAPERS, EVEN ON THE COMICS

PAGE.

LAST WEEK GARFIELD FINALLY

SUCCUMBED TO HIS CHRONIC

DEPRESSION OVER MONDAYS.

HE IS SURVIVED BY ODIE, JON AND

A LASAGNA.

BUT, NATION, I'M GOING TO GIVE

YOU SOME GOOD NEWS.

THIS IS TINY TRIUMPHS.

HUMANITY HAS ACCOMPLISHED SO

MUCH OVER THE YEARS.

WE SPLIT THE ATOM.

WE MAPPED THE HUMAN GENOME.

WE PUT PIZZA ON A BAGEL.

NOW WE CAN HAVE PIZZA ANY TIME.

BUT ALL THIS ACHIEVEMENT RAISES

THE TROUBLING QUESTION: IS THERE

ANYTHING LEFT FOR US TO CONQUER?

AND IT ALSO RAISES THE TROUBLING

ANSWER: YES.

BECAUSE WE HAVE NOW FOUND A

BOLD, NEW FRONTIER ON MARS.

WE'VE BEEN SENDING PROBES THERE

SINCE THE 1970s, MOST RECENTLY

THE CURIOSITY ROVER WHICH IN

SEARCH OF EVIDENCE OF LIFE HAS

BEEN DRIVING ACROSS THE HARSH

MARTIAN SANDS WITH ITS EIGHT

STURDY WHEELS WE HAVE LEFT

HUMANITY'S MARK AND ACHIEVED

SOMETHING WE CAN TRULY BE PROUD

OF.

WE DREW A PENIS ON MARS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

THIS IS ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN,

ONE GIANT DOODLE OF MAN-JUNK.

THIS GIANT GRAFFITI.

PEENIE PROVES OUR GALACTIC

SUPREMACY.

AMERICA TOOK A PRISTINE PLANET

140 MILLION MILES AWAY AND

SCRIBBLED ON IT LIKE IT WAS THE

FACE OF A PASSED-OUT FRAT BOY.

AND NOW THAT WE'VE DRAWN THIS

PENIS ON IT, THAT OFFICIALLY

MAKES THE SPACE BETWEEN MARS AND

URANUS OUR SOLAR SYSTEM'S TAINT.

THAT'S JUST SCIENCE.

BUT PERHAPS WHAT'S MOST MOVING

IS THAT THIS CHILDISH VANDALISM

FINALLY FULFILLS JOHN F.

KENNEDY'S VISION AS HE LAID OUT

IN HIS 1962 SPEECH.

>> WE CHOOSE TO GO TO THE MOON

AND TO DRAW A PENIS NOT BECAUSE

IT IS BUT BECAUSE IT IS

HILARIOUS.

>> Stephen: AND IT'S CLEAR AND

IT IS SO CLEAR THAT OUR WEARY

COUNTRY IS UNITED AS ONE BEHIND

THIS HOPEFUL IMAGE OF MAN'S

FULL, THROBBING POTENTIAL.

BECAUSE THE PHOTO HAS BEEN SO

POPULAR ONLINE THAT IT CAUSED

THE NASA WEBSITE TO CRASH.

SOMETHING THAT HASN'T HAPPENED

SINCE THOSE PHOTOS SURFACED OF A

BUZZ ALDRIN NIP SLIP.

SO I WANT TO SALUTE NASA FOR

ONCE AGAIN INSPIRING A

GENERATION.

SOMEWHERE IN AMERICA THERE'S A

LITTLE BOY LOOKING UP AT THE

STARS AND THINKING, "ONE DAY I'M

GOING TO GROW UP AND LIVE MY

DREAM: DRAWING A BUILD OLD PAIR

OF TIT-TAYS ON NEP EWEN.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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