The In-Box - Flight vs. Invisibility

  • Aired:  12/05/13
  •  | Views: 12,415

Stephen dips into his viewer mail and weighs the pros and cons of certain super powers. (3:10)

.. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN -->> STEPHEN! STEPHEN! STEPHEN!

>> Stephen: LADIES ANDGENTLEMEN, WELCOME, THANK YOU

FOR JOINING US.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

THE ENERGY IN THIS ROOM, LADIESAND GENTLEMEN, I FEEL LIKE I AM

AN AUCTION AND I AM A PRIZECALF.

THE HAT OF THE MEAT, A LOT OFTHE MAJOR STORIES TO COVER

TONIGHT.

MASSIVE ANTI-GOVERNMENT PROTESTSBREAKING OUT IN UKRAINE, ATTACK

ON THE DEFENSE MINISTRY IN YESMEN, THOUSANDS OF FAST FOOD

WORKERS ON STRIKE ACROSSHUNDREDS OF CITIES IN THE UNITED

STATES, SO WE DIVE RIGHT IN ANDREAD SOME VIEWER MAIL.

>> FOLKS, GOT A BIG FILE RIGHTHERE.

OUR FIRST LETTER TONIGHT COMESTO US ON ACTUAL PAPER.

DEAR STEPHEN, WHICH POWER ISBETTER, FLIGHT OR INVISIBILITY?

I AM ASKING FOR A FRIEND.

SINCERELY, STEPHEN COLBERT, BUTNOT YOU.

THAT'S NICE, STEVEN, I RECOGNIZEMY OWN HANDWRITING.

OKAY, LET'S SETTLE THIS ONE, FORONCE AND ALL, OBVIOUSLY FLIGHT

AND INVISIBILITY HAVE BIG PROSAND CONS.

FLIGHT, PROBLEMATIC BECAUSE I AMSCARED OF HEIGHTS, BUT SO IS

INVISIBILITY, BECAUSE I AMSCARED OF PEOPLE NOT NOTICING

ME.

SO THAT'S A TIE.

ONE POINT EACH.

NOW LET'S TALK THE ECONOMICS OFTHE SITUATION.

THE MOST RECENT SUPERMAN GROSSED$291 MILLION AT THE BOX OFFICE

BUT THE "LORD OF THE RINGS"GROSSED 377 MILLION.

CLEARLY, THE MARKET SAYSINVISIBILITY, NOT TO MENTION,

THE INVISIBLE HAND OF THE MARKETIS INVISIBLE.

DOUBLE WIN FOR INVISIBILITY, TWOINVISIBLE THUMBS UP.

>> NOW, AS LONG --[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Stephen: PEOPLE LOVE THEINVISIBILITY.

AS LONG AS WE ARE TALKING SUPERMAN, FOLKS, WITH FLIGHT, YOU

COULD FLY AROUND THE WORLDBACKWARDS TO REVERSE TIME,

THAT'S A HUGE POWER, BUT WITHINVICTIM, YOU CAN GO TO A DINNER

PARTY AND NOT HAVE TO DRINK TWOGLASSES OF RED WINE BEFORE YOU

FEEL COMFORTABLE.

>> AGAIN, ONE POINT EACH.

>> OF COURSE YOU HAVE GOT TOREMEMBER, ONLY YOUR BODY TURNS

INVISIBLE.

NOT ANYTHING OUTSIDE OF IT,THAT'S WHY THE INVISIBLE MAN HAD

TO GET NAKED TO DISAPPEAR.

SO IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE ACLUSTER OF FLOATING CAR KEYS,

COINS AND CELLPHONES, THEY ALLHAVE TO GO UP THE BUTT.

NO, NO, HEY.

I'M SORRY.

YOU HAVE GOT TO IT.

TO IT'S NATURE'S POCKETS SO YOUMIGHT WANT TO RETHINK THAT

BOTTLE OPENER KEY RING.

FOLKS, I WOULD SAY THAT CLINCHESIT, ALSO, IT CLENCHES IT.

ALL RIGHT.

FLIGHT WINS! NO MORE ON THESUBJECT.

JIM, LET'S CLOSE THE

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