Cold War Update - Obama's Ukraine Response

  • Aired:  03/04/14
  •  | Views: 37,202

Conservatives blame Obama for Russia's aggression in Ukraine, arguing that his foreign policy approach makes America seem weak. (5:13)

SO WHAT DOES RUSSIA'S LATESTCRIMEAN CRIME CRI-MEAN?

IT MEANS I GET TO RUN ONE OF MYFAVORITE GRAPHICS.

THIS IS COLD WAR UPDATE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> NATION IF YOU WATCH THIS

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> NATION IF YOU WATCH THIS

SHOW, YOU KNOW I NEVER THOUGHTTHE COLD WAR ENDED.

IT'S WHY I STILL WEAR A SHOEPHONE AND A SHOE ANSWERING

MACHINE.

HELLO?

WHAT?

I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW.

JUST LEAVE A MESSAGE WITH MYOTHER FOOT.

FOLKS, THAT IS WHY YOU DO HOTYOGA.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

BUT FOLKS I'M WORRIEDTHAT OBAMA MAY BE IN WAY OVER

HIS HEAD HERE.

ON THE OTHER HAND, I'M EXCITEDTHAT OBAMA MAY BE IN WAY OVER

HIS HEAD HERE.

JIM?

>> THIS IS THE ULTIMATE RESULTOF A FECKLESS FOREIGN POLICY

WHERE NOBODY BELIEVES INAMERICA'S STRENGTH ANYMORE.

>> THERE'S NO QUESTION THERE'SA PERCEPTION OF AMERICAN

INDECISIVENESS AND WEAKNESS.

>> WE LOOK LIKE AN IMPOTENTVACILLATING COUNTRY.

>> EVERY TIME THE PRESIDENT GOESON NATIONAL TELEVISION AND

THREATENS PUTIN OR ANYONE LIKEPUTIN, EVERYBODY'S EYES ROLL,

INCLUDING MINE.

WE HAVE A WEAK AND INDECISIVEPRESIDENT THAT INVITES

AGGRESSION.

>> THAT OLD LADY IS RIGHT.

( LAUGHTER )OBAMA-- OBAMA NEEDS TO

IMMEDIATELY DO SOMETHING MANLY.

MAYBE A ONE-ARMED PUSH-UP ORCARVE A CANOE OR INVADE A

FOREIGN COUNTRY.

HOW ABOUT IRAQ?

THIRD TIME'S A CHARM!

( APPLAUSE )BECAUSE RIGHT NOW THE PRESIDENT

OF THE UNITED STATES IS GETTINGOUTPLAYED.

LOOK AT WHAT HE WORE SATURDAYDURING A TENSE 90-MINUTE PHONE

CALL WITH VLADIMIR PUTIN.

NO TIE.

JEANS WITH A JEANS SHIRT.

WHAT IS THIS CASUAL DOOMSDAY?

MEANWHILE ON THE OTHER END YOUKNOW PUTIN SHIRTLESS STROKING A

TIGER LOOKING INTO HIS INFINITYMIRROR.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

SO I SAY THE DISASTER, INSTEADOF PUTTING BOOTS ON THE GROUND

AND STARTING WORLD WAR III--LIKE WE ALL WANT-- BIG CHIEF

"LEADS FROM THE BEHIND" DOESWHAT HE ALWAYS DOES AND JUST

SENDS IN A DRONE.

>> I COME HERE TODAY AT THEINSTRUCTION OF PRESIDENT OBAMA

TO MAKE IT ABSOLUTELY CLEAR THEUNITED STATES OF AMERICA WOULD

PREFER TO SEE THIS DE-ESCALATED.

WE WOULD PREFER TO SEE THISMANAGED THROUGH THE STRUCTURES

OF LEGAL INSTITUTIONS.

>> Stephen: TAKE THAT, PUTIN!

"PREFER."

THEM'S FIGHTING WORDS.

REMINDS ME OF REAGAN AT THEBRANDENBERG GATE.

>> MR. GORBACHEV, WE PREFER YOUNOT HAVE A WALL.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> Stephen: I MISS THAT GOOD

MAN.

SO WHAT WILL THE PRESIDENT DO?

FOR THE ANSWER, LET'S GOSTRAIGHT TO THE LEADER OF THE

FREE WORLD.

>> NUMBER ONE, THERE WILL BE NOMILITARY BUDGET CUTS, OBAMA HAS

TO KNOW THAT NOW.

NUMBER TWO, THE KEYSTONEPIPELINE MUST BE APPROVED.

WHY?

BECAUSE RUSSIA IS BLACKMAILINGEUROPE OVER ENERGY.

>> Stephen: BILL IS RIGHT,MILITARY FUNDING AND KEYSTONE.

OBAMA NEEDS TO PROVE HE'S ASTRONG LEADER BY GIVING

REPUBLICANS EVERYTHING THEY'VEASKED FOR.

( LAUGHTER )PLUS RUSSIA'S ANTIGAY LAWS COULD

DRIVE THEIR HOMOSEXUALS OVERHERE, SO TO KEEP THEM OUT WE

NEED A BORDER WALL WITH MEXICOBEFORE THE GAYS INVADE VIA

CANCUN, BECAUSE YOU KNOW THEY'REA BEACH PEOPLE.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BILLO'REILLY AND I ARE NOT THE ONLY

ONES QUESTIONING OBAMA'SLEADERSHIP.

SO ARE YOU.

>> WITH THE U.S. FACING VOLATILEFOREIGN POLICY SITUATIONS IN

UKRAINE, BRAND NEW GALLUP POLLIS RAISING SERIOUS CONCERNS

ABOUT PRESIDENT OBAMA'S STANDINGON THE WORLD STAGE.

ACCORDING TO GALLUP, FOR THEFIRST TIME EVER, A MAJORITY OF

AMERICANS SAY PRESIDENT OBAMA ISNOT RESPECTED BY OTHER WORLD

LEADERS.

>> Stephen: EVEN WORSE AMAJORITY OF AMERICANS FELT THE

"THE BACHELOR" WOULDN'T GIVEPRESIDENT OBAMA A ROSE, EVEN IF

IT WAS JUST DOWN TO HIM AND THATBITCH, NIKKI.

FOLKS, THIS POLLHAS SO ALARMED ME THAT I AM

CONDUCTING BY OWN POLL SO I CANBECOME MORE ALARMED.

GO TO COLBERTNATION.COM AND LETYOUR CLICK BE HEARD.

ANSWER THE QUESTION, "WHAT DOYOU THINK ABOUT WHAT AMERICANS

THINK WORLD LEADERS THINK ABOUTPRESIDENT OBAMA?"

SIMPLY CHECK, "YES, NO, ORVEGETARIAN OPTION."

WE'LL HAVE THE RESULTS OF THATPOLL LATER IN YOUR LIFETIME.

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