Obama's State of the Union

  • Aired:  02/13/13
  •  | Views: 47,946

President Fidel Handout raises the federal minimum wage to nine dollars an hour, but he says nothing about raising the maximum wage. (6:28)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: THANK YOU.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[CROWD CHANTING SEE IT --

STEPHEN]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YES!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WELCOME.

WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

THANK YOU, FRIENDS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

FOLKS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

WITH AN ARMY LIKE YOU AT MY

BACK, I'M READY TO GO TO BATTLE

ANY DAY OF THE WEEK.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND IT'S TIME TO MARCH AGAIN

BECAUSE THERE'S NO GETTING

AROUND IT, FOLKS WE'VE GOT TO

TALK ABOUT IT.

LAST NIGHT'S STATE OF THE UNION

ADDRESS.

BIG WHUP-IDITDO.

WHAT TYPE OF NARCISSISTIC JERK

EXPECTS PEOPLE TO TUNE IN TO

HEAR A ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE

MINDLESSLY CHEER HIM.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

IT IS PATHETIC.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHO HERE SMOKES POT?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

NOW, FOLKS, I DON'T KNOW WHY I

SUBJECT MYSELF TO LAST NIGHT'S

SOCIALIST STROKE JOB BECAUSE IT

WAS MORE OF THE SAME OLD, SAME

OLD NEW IDEAS.

IT WAS NOTHING BUT A NOTHING

BURGER WITH ALL THE FIXINS.

LAUGH STILL NOTHING BURGER

PRETTY TASTY IF YOU SMOKE WEED.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

PATHETIC.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND FOLKS, IT JUST CONFIRMED HOW

OUT OF TOUCH THE PRESIDENT IS.

>> SIMPLE FACT, THE MORE

EDUCATION YOU'VE GOT, THE MORE

LIKELY YOU ARE TO HAVE A GOOD

JOB AND WORK YOUR WAY TO THE

MIDDLE CLASS.

A RISING LIVE ITING MIDDLE

CLASS, MIDDLE CLASS.

>> Jon: MIDDLE CLASS, REALLY

GRANDPA?

WE HAVEN'T HAD A MIDDLE CLASS

SINCE THE 90s.

WHAT IS YOUR NEXT BIG IDEA

TRAVEL AGENCIES THAT ADVERTISE

ON CASSETTE TAPES.

YOU ARE NOT FOOLING ANYBODY WITH

THE MIDDLE CLASS TALK.

THIS SPEECH WAS ABOUT ONE THING

ONLY.

>> PRESIDENT OBAMA BELIEVES THE

GOVERNMENT IS THE SOLUTION, MORE

GOVERNMENT.

>> BIG GOVERNMENT.

>> BIG GOVERNMENT.

>> BIG GOVERNMENT.

>> THIS IS THE MOST

PROGOVERNMENT SPEECH SINCE

LYNDON JOHNSON.

>> Stephen: YES, I FIND IT

OFFENSIVE THAT THE HEAD OF OUR

GOVERNMENT WOULD GIVE A SPEECH

TO EVERYONE ELSE IN THE

GOVERNMENT THAT WAS SO

PRO-GOVERNMENT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOT TO MENTION, THE PRESIDENT

IMMEDIATELY DECLARED WAR ON THE

PRIVATE SECTOR.

>> TONIGHT, LET'S DECLARE THAT

IN THE WEALTHIEST NATION ON

EARTH, NO ONE WHO WORKS FULL

TIME SHOULD HAVE TO LIVE IN

POVERTY AND RAISE THE FEDERAL

MINIMUM WAGE TO $9 AN HOUR.

>>

>> Stephen: $9?

THAT IS ALMOST TWO FEET OF

SANDWICH.

WHERE DOES IT END?

WHERE DID IT END?

A LIVING WAGE SPOILS THE WORKING

MAN.

JUST ASK C.E.O. AND FOX NEWS

RESIDENT SMEAGOL ROBERT LUDDY.

JIM?

>> I WORKED FOR $85 CENTS AN

HOUR WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL

AND I WAS HAPPY TO HAVE THAT

JOB.

>> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT I'M

TALKING.

AMERICA HAS GONE SOFT.

IF EVERYONE IS LIVING THE

FANTASY LIFE OF COLD AND HEAT

THEY'LL HAVE NO DRIVE.

IT'S THAT SUFFERING THAT LIFTS

PEOPLE UP TO START THEIR OWN

BUSINESS AND ONE DAY BECOME A

JOB CREATOR LIKE MR. LUDDY WHO

LOBBIES TO FIGHT AGAINST RAISING

THE MINIMUM WAGE BECAUSE HE WAS

SO (bleep) POOR HE HAD TO

FIGHT OFF RATS WITH A SPAT LA.

WHO IS INFECTED WITH RABIES.

YES, YOU ARE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BESIDES, PRESIDENT IF I DFIDE --

FIDEL HANDOUT HERE SAID NOTHING

ABOUT RAISING THE MAXIMUM WAGE.

FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER

EARNING MORE THAN I CAN EVER

NEED BUT FOLKS CAN I IMAGINE

EVEN MORE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

FOLKS, THAT WASN'T HIS ONLY

SHOCK JOBS PROGRAM.

>> TONIGHT I PROPOSE A FIX-IT

FIRST PROGRAM TO PUT PEOPLE TO

WORK ON THE MOST URGENT REPAIRS,

LIKE THE NEARLY 70,000

STRUCTURALLY DEOFFICIAL

BRIDGES -- DEFICIENT BRIDGES

ACROSS THE COUNTRY.

>> Stephen: WOW, 70,000

STRUCTURALLY DEFICIENT DEATH

TRAPS.

ON YOUR WAY TO YOUR NEW MINIMUM

WAGE JOB YOU WANT TO TAKE THE

ALTERNATE ROUTE AROUND THE

MISSISSIPPI RIVER THROUGH

CANADA.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BUT --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BUT THE BIGGEST -- I BELIEVE THE

THE BIGGEST FAILURE OF THE NIGHT

WAS HOW A BALMA KEPT UNLOADING

HIS WORK TO US.

>> WE MUST DO MORE TO COMBAT

CLIMATE CHANGE.

AMERICA MUST FACE THE THREAT OF

SIGNER ATTACKS.

AMERICA MUST REMAIN A BEACON TO

ALL WHO SEEK FREEDOM.

WE MUST ALL DO OUR PART.

WE CAN GET IT DONE.

NOW IS THE TIME TO GET IT DONE.

NOW IS THE TIME TO DO IT.

>> Jon: UG.

>> Stephen: UHG.

ARRGH.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF WORK,

MAN.

WHY DO WE -- WHY DO WE ALWAYS

HAVE TO FACE OUR GLOBAL

CHALLENGES?

WHY CAN'T AMERICA TAKE A

PERSONAL YEAR?

JUST SOME TIME TO GET OUR

(bleep) TOGETHER.

MAYBE FOCUS ON OUR MUSIC,

THROARN HOME BREW?

-- LEARN TO HOME BREW?

WHATEVER.

NO, NO.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

NO, WHATEVER.

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