The Word - Gag Gift

  • Aired:  08/15/13
  •  | Views: 68,771

Range Resources pays a Pennsylvania family $750,000 to relocate and keep quiet about health problems they experienced near a fracking site. (4:07)

COWS IN MY BURGER.

(LAUGHTER)

NOW FORTUNATELY, FOLKS THERE

IS A WAY WE CAN ENJOY THE

FRUITS OF FRACKING WITHOUT

FEELING THE GUILT.

AND IT BRINGS US TO

TONIGHT'S WORD.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

GAG GIFTS.

FOLKS, I'M A SENSITIVE GUY.

I CRIED WHEN THOSE HUNTERS

SHOT BAMBI'S MOTHER.

THEY SHOULD HAVE SHOT HIS

DAD.

HE IS A 10 POINT BUCK.

SO NATURALLY I WAS TOUCHED

WHEN I HEARD ABOUT A FAMILY

LIVING NEAR A PENNSYLVANIA

FRACKING SITE WHO HAD TO

MOVE BECAUSE AIR AND WATER

CONTAMINANTS CAUSED THEM TO

EXPERIENCE BURNING EYES,

SORE THROATS, HEADACHES AND

EARACHES.

ULTIMATELY THE FAMILY WAS

ABLE TO GET THE COMPANY RANG

RESOURCES TO AGREE TO AN

OUT-OF-COURT SETTLEMENT FOR

$750,000 TO RELOCATE.

WOW.

FOR THAT KIND OF MONEY YOU

COULD BUY SOMETHING NICE.

NOW IN RETURN, IN RETURN THE

COMPANY SIMPLY ASKED FOR A

SIGNED STATEMENT FROM THE

FAMILY SAYING THAT IT

SUFFERED NO ENVIRONMENTAL

HEALTH OR SAFETY IMPACT FROM

DRILLING ADJACENT TO THEIR

PROPERTY.

AND TO AGREE TO LIFETIME

BANS ON WHAT THEY CAN SAY.

BECAUSE IF A TREE FALLS IN

THE FOREST AND YOU PAY THE

FAMILY WHO HEARD IT NOT TO

TALK, THEN IT DIDN'T MAKE A

SOUND.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

NOW-- NO WONDER--

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I SAY NO WONDER GAG ORDERS

LIKE THIS ARE SO COMMON.

>> BLOOMBERG REVIEWED

HUNDREDS OF REGULATORY AND

LEGAL FILINGS AND FOUND

DRILLERS PAYING FOR SILENCE

OVER WATER CONTAMINATION

COMPLAINTS IN AT LEAST HALF

A DOZEN STATES.

>> Stephen: THEY'RE

EVERYWHERE, PAYING FOR

SILENCE IS CATCHING ON LIKE

TAP FIRE.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT FOLKS, THE FUN PART-- THE

FUN PART IS THAT THIS GAG

ORDER ALSO INCLUDED THE

FAMILY'S TWO CHILDREN AGES 7

AND 10.

IMPORTANT LESSON, KIDS, IF

YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE

TO SAY, DON'T SAY ANYTHING

AT ALL.

BUT EVEN AFTER-- EVEN AFTER

THEY MOVED--

(APPLAUSE)

THESE CRYBABIES ARE CRYING

ABOUT THEIR BABIES CLAIMING

THAT IMPOSING A GAG ORDER ON

MINORS VIOLATES THEIR FIRST

AMENDMENT RIGHTS.

BUT JUDGE PAUL POZONSKY WHO

APPROVED THE SETTLEMENT HAD

AN AIRTIGHT REBUTTAL SAYING

THAT IS A LAW SCHOOL

QUESTION, I GUESS.

JUDGE POZONSKY HAS SINCE

RESIGNED.

NOW THE PROBLEM--

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: THE PROBLEM IS

IMPORTANT, I THINK-- BUT THE

PROBLEM WAS ENFORCING A GAG

ORDER ON A 7-YEAR-OLD, IS

THAT FOR THE REST OF THEIR

LIVES ANY TIME SOMEONE

BRINGS UP FRACKING, THE KIDS

WON'T TALK.

BUT THEY'LL HAVE A HAUNTED

LOOK IN THEIR EYES.

LIKE WHEN YOU ASK VIETNAM

VETS ABOUT AGENT ORANGE OR

ASK NBC EXECUTIVES ABOUT

DONALD TRUMP.

(LAUGHTER)

NOW-- PEOPLE--

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: PEOPLE MIGHT

START TO SUSPECT THAT THE

KIDS THINK THERE'S SOMETHING

WRONG WITH FRACKING.

WE NEED SOME WAY TO CHANGE

WHAT THEY THINK.

MAYBE, I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE

DRILL INTO THEIR SKULLS AND

INJECT NEW THOUGHTS INTO

THEIR BRAINS UNDER EXTREME

ECONOMIC PRESSURE TO SHATTER

THOSE OLD THOUGHTS AND THEN

EXTRACT POSITIVE MESSAGES

ABOUT FRACKING.

NOW I GUESS-- FOLKS-- I

GUESS WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY

IS--

(APPLAUSE)

I THINK, I GUESS WHAT I'M

TRYING TO SAY IS I WISH

THERE WAS A WAY MY CAR COULD

RUN BY BURNING THE INNOCENCE

OF CHILDREN.

ANYWAY-- YOU KNOW WHAT, IN A

WAY IT KIND OF DOES BECAUSE

THESE COMPANIES ARE JUST

ASKING FOR KIDS TO LIE FOR

MONEY.

AND IN ORDER TO GET CHEAP

OIL, I THINK WE'RE ALL

WILLING TO LIE TO OURSELVES

ABOUT FRACKING.

AND THAT'S THE WORD.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)