The Word - Control-Self-Delete

  • Aired:  08/24/10
  •  | Views: 125,823

Surgically altering your appearance and getting rid of old friends will make you the ideal job candidate. (4:28)

FOLKS, ONE OF THE WAYS I'M

KEEPING THE PUBLIC'S EYE ON ME

RIGHT NOW IS SOCIAL MEDIA.

I AM ALL OVER FACEBOOK, MYSPACE,

FOURSQUARE, REDDIT, LINKENDIN,

GOOGLE BUZZ, LIVEJOURNAL,

BLIPPY, TWITTER, TUMBLR, FLIKR,

MUFFLER, FLUMPLER AND, LET'S

SAY, GARGLER.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU SEE, SOCIAL MEDIA IS THE

ONLY WAY TO REACH YOUNG PEOPLE

THESE DAYS WITHOUT GIVING YOUR

ABS A NICKNAME.

AND EVIDENTLY NOBODY LIKES "THE

LAUNDRY SACK."

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BUT, KIDS, KIDS, ALL THIS ONLINE

OPENNESS COMES WITH A PRICE.

>> I KNOW PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN

LET GO FROM THEIR JOB BECAUSE

THEY SHARED A LITTLE BIT TOO

MUCH ABOUT WHAT THEY WERE DOING

ONLINE.

>> IF WE'RE HIRING AN INTERPRET

OR NEW EMPLOYEE, THE FIRST THING

YOU DO IS GO ONLINE AND LOOK AT

THEIR FACEBOOK PAGE.

>> PICTURES OF YOU SHOOTING BACK

TEQUILA SHOOTERS, POLE DANCING,

NOT INFORMATION YOUR EMPLOYER

WANTS TO SEE.

>> Stephen: ESPECIALLY IF

YOU'RE WORKING FOR YOUR DAD.

EVEN BARACK OBAMA KNOWS THE

DANGERS.

>> I WANT EVERYBODY HERE TO BE

CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT YOU POST ON

FACEBOOK.

>> Stephen: AND THE PRESIDENT

HAS BEEN VERY CAREFUL.

I HAVE CHECKED FACEBOOK, AND I

COULD NOT FIND A SINGLE PHOTO OF

HIM PRAYING IN A MOSQUE.

SO I PHOTOSHOPPED ONE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S ON TWITTER.

IT'S ON THE TWITTER, SO,

INTERNET, DO YOUR THING.

THE POINT IS, IF YOU'RE NOT

CAREFUL, YOUR ONLINE PAST COULD

DESTROY YOUR OFF-LINE FUTURE.

BUT THERE'S A SOLUTION, AND IT'S

TONIGHT'S "WORD."

CONTROL-SELF-DELETE.

NOW, SOME FOLKS WILL SAY THE

EASIEST WAY TO PROTECT YOUR

PRIVACY IS TO STAY OFF SOCIAL

MEDIA BUT EVEN IF YOU DORK OTHER

PEOPLE CAN POST PICTURES OF YOU

ONLINE.

LUCKILY, LUCKILY GOOGLE C.E.O.

ERIC SCHMIDT HAS A WAY WE CAN

PROTECT OURSELVES.

>> IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING YOU

DON'T WANT ANYONE TO DO, MAYBE

YOU SHOULDN'T BE DOING IT IN THE

FIRST PLACE.

>> Stephen: ARE YOU LISTENING,

YOUNG PEOPLE?

JUST DON'T EVER MAKE A MISTAKE.

HOW HARD IS THAT?

THE POINT IS...

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THE POINT IS THE INTERNET IS ONE

GIANT RESUME, AND UNDER SPECIAL

SKILLS, YOURS MIGHT LIST,

GETTING HIGH, KEG STANDS,

FLASHING YOUR BOOBS AND

MULTITASKING.

THAT'S WHY ERIC SCHMIDT FURTHER

SUGGESTS THAT EVERY YOUNG PERSON

ONE DAY WILL BE ENTITLED

AUTOMATICALLY TO CHANGE HIS OR

HER NAME ON REACHING ADULTHOOD.

EXACTLY.

FROM NOW ON CHANGING YOUR NAME

WILL BE A RITE OF PASSAGE, LIKE

GETTING A DRIVER'S LICENSE AT

16, DRINKING AT 21 AND

COMPLETING REHAB SO YOU CAN GET

YOUR LICENSE BACK AT 23.

BUT CHANGING YOUR IDENTITY MAY

NOT BE ENOUGH BECAUSE NOW GOOGLE

OFFERS A FACIAL RECOGNITION

FEATURE WHICH CAN IDENTIFY YOU

IN UNLABELED ONLINE PHOTOS.

SO YOU REALLY, YOU REALLY NEED

TO SURGICALLY ALTER YOUR

APPEARANCE.

IT'S EASY.

JUST ASK BRUCE JENNER.

[LAUGHTER]

, NO JIMMY, JIMMY, I SAID BRUCE

JENNER, NOT HIS MOTHER.

OKAY.

BUT EVEN THIS MAY NOT BE ENOUGH.

YOU SEE, G-MAIL KEEPS TRACK OF

EVERYONE YOU HAVE EVER E-MAILED,

SO YOU WANT TO GET RID OF YOUR

OLD FRIENDS AND FAMILY.

AND SINCE GOOGLE ALSO TRACKS ALL

YOUR SEARCHES AND WEB HISTORY,

YOU SHOULD CHANGE EVERYTHING YOU

HAVE EVER SEARCHED FOR ON THE

INTERNET.

THEN ONCE ALL THAT'S DONE AND

YOU'RE A DISFIGURED, NAMELESS

LOANER, YOU'LL BE THE IDEAL JOB

CANDIDATE.

OF COURSE...

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

OF COURSE, THERE IS ONE OTHER

ANSWER.

GOOGLE AND FACEBOOK COULD STOP

INVASIVELY DATA MINING AND

SELLING OUR PRIVATE LIVES TO THE

HIGHEST BIDDER, BUT THAT WOULD

BE ASKING THEM TO CHANGE WHO

THEY ARE.

AND THAT'S NOT FAIR.

AND THAT

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