The Word - Two Birds With One Drone

  • Aired:  05/31/12
  •  | Views: 23,989

The Obama administration reasons that anyone in a strike zone is likely Al Qaeda, so no one has to feel guilty about civilian casualties. (3:32)

TO MAKE AN OMELET, YOU GOT TO KILL A FEW CIVILIANS.

(LAUGHTER) UNFORTUNATELY, KILLING CIVILIANS HURTS AMERICANS MORAL STANDING.

BUT THE ADMINISTRATION HAS A SOLUTION, AND IT'S THE ISN'T OF TONIGHT'S WORD.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) TWO BIRDS WITH ONE DRONE.

FOLKS, TO MAKE SURE ONLY TERRORISTS ARE KILLED, THE WHITE HOUSE HAS SENT RIGOROUS STANDARDS FOR

WITHOUT GETS TARGETED.

AS COUNTERTERRORISM ADVISOR JOHN BRENNAN EXPLAINED WE ONLY AUTHORIZE A PARTICULAR

OPERATION AGAINST A SPECIFIC INDIVIDUAL IF WE HAVE A HIGH DEGREE OF CONFIDENCE THAT

THE INDIVIDUAL BEING TARGETED IS INDEED THE TERRORIST WE ARE PURSUING.

THIS IS A VERY HIGH BAR.

YES, IT IS COMFORTING TO KNOW THAT THE ADMINISTRATION HAS SET THE BAR AT THE HIGH

LEVEL OF KILLING THE RIGHT PERSON.

(LAUGHTER) AND FOLKS-- HERE-- (APPLAUSE) HERE IS NOW, HERE'S HOW THE

PRESIDENT PICKED WHO HE WILL KILL.

>> HE SITS THERE WITH WHAT HE CALLS THE BASEBALL GUARDS AND CHOOSES WHO LIVES AND WHO DIES.

>> YES.

OBAMA GETS BASEBALL CARDS WITH PICTURES AND STATS ON SUSPECTED TERRORISTS, AND OF

COURSE A STICK OF STEAL GUM WHICH HE GIVES TO BIDEN.

EVENTUALLY, EVENTUALLY THE PROCESS MUST WORK BECAUSE A SENIOR ADMINISTRATION OFFICIAL SAID THAT THE

NUMBER OF CIVILIANS KILLED IF DRONE STRIKES IN PAKISTAN UNDER MR. OBAMA WAS IN THE SINGLE DIGITS.

THAT'S IMPRESSIVE.

BECAUSE THOSE BOMBS ARE HUGE.

AND THE ADMINISTRATION HAS DEVELOPED A BRILLIANT SYSTEM FOREIGN SURING THAT THOSE

BUILDING ENGULFING EXPLOSIONS DON'T KILL NONCOMBATANTS.

THEY JUST COUNT ALL MILITARY AGED MALES IN A STRIKE ZONE AS COMBATANTS.

THEY REASON THAT AL QAEDA IS AN ISOLATED MANIACAL GROUP SO ANYONE WITH THEM IS PROBABLY AL QAEDA.

THE SAME WAY THAT ANYONE AT COMICCON IS PROBABLY A VIRGIN.

NOW-- FOLKS (APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: NOW, THIS ISN'T JUST THE PRESIDENT EXECUTING INNOCENT PEOPLE AROUND THE

WORLD BY FIAT.

THERE IS AN APPEALS PROCESS.

THE MEN ARE CONSIDERED TERRORISTS UNLESS THERE IS EXPLICIT INTELLIGENCE POSTHUMOUSLY PROVING THEM INNOCENT.

IN WHICH CASE, I ASSUME,

THERE IS A LEGAL PROCESS THAT UNKILLS THEM.

(LAUGHTER) NOW BEST OF ALL, KEEPING KEEPING CIVILIAN CASUALTIES DOWN BY SAYING THE CIVILIANS

DON'T REALLY EXIST COULD SOLVE THE PRESIDENT'S GITMO PROBLEM ONCE AND FOR ALL.

BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT PLACE IS FULL OF?

IT IS FULL OF KNOWN TERRORISTS.

HE SHOULD SHUT THAT PLACE DOWN WITH SOME DRONE STRIKES.

NOW OF COURSE, THAT MIGHT TAKE OUT SOME GUARDS, BUT USING THE PRESIDENT'S OWN

STANDARD, THEY ARE MILITARY AGE MALES SPENDING TIME WITH TERRORISTS.

THEY MUST BE GUILTY OF SOMETHING.

AND IF WE JUST KEEP USING LOGIC LIKE THAT, NONE OF US HAVE TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT

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