Steve Carell

  • Aired:  07/07/10
  •  | Views: 322,817

Steve Carell feels like he's in the witness relocation program, and Jon Stewart wants to escape The Daily Show. (6:33)

MY GUEST TONIGHT IS THE STAR OF

THE NEW FILM "DINNER FOR

SCHMUCKS AND DESPICABLE ME."

SOUNDS LIKE SOMEBODY'S GOT A

SELF-ESTEEM ISSUE.

PLEASE WELCOME STEVE CARELL.

HEY, GOOD TO SEE YOU.

>> HOW ARE YOU DOING?

>> HOW ARE YOU?

>> IT'S SO GREAT TO SEE YOU.

>> IT'S SO GREAT TO SEE YOU,

TOO.

>> HOW'S THE FAMILY?

HOW'S LORRAINE

>> SHE'S BEAUTIFUL, AS ALWAYS,

GREAT.

>> Stephen: THE BUSINESSMAN IN

HOLLYWOOD, YOU GOT THE TWO NEW

FILMS COMING OUT.

"DESPICABLE ME" COMES OUT THIS

WEEKEND.

I'VE SEEN WITH IT THE KIDS.

THANKS FOR THE ADVANCED

SCREENING.

THEY LOVED IT.

LET'S SHOW THE KIDS WHY.

JIM, HIT IT.

>> WE HAVE LOCATED A SHRINK RAY

IN A SECRET LAB, AND WHEN WE

TAKE THIS SHRINK RAY, WE WILL

HAVE THE CAPABILITY TO PULL THIS

OFF.

WE ARE GOING TO SEE.

WAIT, WAIT!

I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU WHAT IT IS

YET.

>> HEY, DAVE.

>> LISTEN UP, PLEASE.

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: NICE ACCENT.

>> THANKS.

>> Stephen: MAN OF MANY

SKILLS.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Stephen: SO, UM, LET ME ASK

YOU THIS.

>> CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

>> Stephen: YEAH.

SURE.

>> IS THIS UNCOMFORTABLE FOR

YOU, THIS?

>> Stephen:, NO IT IS NOT.

IT IS NOT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

>> IT SEEMS A LITTLE BIT WEIRD?

>> Stephen: IT'S NOT.

IT'S NOT WEIRD IN ANY WAY.

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.

>> SEEMS AWKWARD.

IT SEEMS AWKWARD.

>> Stephen: I DON'T THINK IT

IS.

>> I SORT OF DO.

>> Stephen: WELL, I SORT OF

DON'T.

>> WELL, LET'S SETTLE THIS THE

OLD-FASHIONED WAY.

THIS IS "EVEN STEVENS."

WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE UP YOUR

OWN ASS?

TONIGHT IS IT AWKWARD FOR

STEPHEN TO INTERVIEW ME?

>> YES.

>> Stephen: NO.

>> YESSSSSSSSS.

>> Stephen: I AM THRILLED TO

HAVE YOU ON MY SHOW.

I HOPE YOU'RE NOT UNCOMFORTABLE.

>> STEVEN, OF COURSE I'M

COMFORTABLE.

I MOVED ON AND GREW UP.

YOU TRICK PERFECTLY NICE PEOPLE

INTO SAYING STUPID THINGS.

>> Stephen: STEVE, I AM

THRILLED FOR YOUR SUCCESS.

HELL, I'M AMAZED BY IT.

NOBODY WHO KNOWS YOU SAW THIS

COMING.

[LAUGHTER]

AND IT IS A JOY TO SEE YOU IN

PERSON.

WHEN I JUST SEE YOU IN YOUR

MOVIE, I FORGET HOW FUNNY AND

ATTRACTIVE YOU ARE.

FRANKLY I'M EXCITED.

>> OF COURSE YOU'RE EXCITED,

STEPHEN.

I'M NOT YOUR NORMAL GUEST.

PEOPLE HAVE HEARD OF ME.

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: STEVEN, I AM AN

INTERNATIONAL MOVIE STAR.

>> Stephen: YES, STEVE, I

SUPPOSE CANADA COUNTS AS

INTERNATIONAL.

[LAUGHTER]

AND, YES, MOST OF MY GUESTS ARE

PEOPLE WHO CONTRIBUTE TO

SOCIETY, SO BANDERING WITH AN

OLD FRIEND ABOUT MINDLESS

TINSELTOWN IS A WELCOME VACATION

FROM SUBSTANCE.

>> THANKS, STEVEN, IT'S A

VACATION FOR ME, TOO.

I'M USED TO HAVING EIGHT BILLION

PEOPLE WATCH ME ON TV.

DOING "THE REPORT" IS LIKE BEING

IN THE WITNESS RELOCATION

PROGRAM.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: STEVE, STEVE,

STEVE, THEY'RE DIFFERENT SHOWS

AND WE HAVE DIFFERENT JOBS.

MY JOB IS TO INTERVIEW SPARKLING

PERSONALITIES.

OR YOU.

AND YOURS IS TO PROMOTE YOUR

PROJECT, AND I WANT TO GET THE

NAME RIGHT, "FOCUS TEST: THE

MOVIE, STARRING NON-THREATENING

WHITE GUY."

>> YOU ARE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE

YOU'RE STUCK HERE IN THE SAME

BUILDING JUST HALF AN HOUR

LATER.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

DOESN'T J.W. STEWART'S TEET COME

WITH AN EXTENSION CORD?

AND THAT LOOKS LIKE THE SAME

DESK CHAIR YOU HAD WHEN WE

SHARED AN OFFICE.

>> Stephen: IT'S A COMFORTABLE

CHAIR, STEVE.

>> WELL, WHEN YOU DO A MOVIE,

YOU CAN GET TEN CHAIRS ANY TIME

YOU WANT.

>> Stephen: OH, TEN CHAIRS,

YOU CAN SEAT EVERYONE WHO SAW

"DAN IN REAL LIFE."

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> WELL, STEPHEN, SOME OF US

DON'T HAVE THE LUXURY TO SIT

AROUND WAITING FOR A PROJECT AS

ESTEEMED AS "THE LOVE GURU."

HOW COME YOUR RAZZ EASY ISN'T ON

THE MANTLE NEAR THE EMMY.

>> Stephen: YOU DON'T HAVE AN

EMMY, WHICH WOULD LOOK NICE NEXT

TO THE SPIKE TV'S GUY'S CHOICE

AWARD.

THE GUYS ALWAYS DID CHOOSE YOU.

>> I HAVE BEEN SLIMED.

>> Stephen: I HATE YOU.

>> I HATE YOU.

>> Stephen: I HATE YOU.

>> I HATE YOU.

>> Stephen: I HATE YOU.

I HATE YOU.

I HATE YOU.

>> I HATE YOU.

I LOVE YOU.

>> Stephen: I LOVE YOU.

>> I LOVE YOU.

>> Stephen: I LOVE YOU.

>> I MISS YOU.

>> Stephen: YOU SMELL GOOD.

[LAUGHTER]

>> I KNOW.

WHY ARE WE FIGHTING

>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW.

YOU HAVE GREAT CAREER.

>> AND YOU, YOU HAVE A GREAT

CAREER.

FOR CABLE.

[LAUGHTER]

>> Stephen: AT LEAST WE'RE NOT

WORKING FOR STEWART.

YEAH.

THAT [BLEEPED] REALLY HELD US

BACK WHILE HE WAS LAUNCHING OUR

CAREERS.

>> Jon: GUYS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I CAN HEAR YOU.

EVERYTHING YOU SAY.

>> Stephen: SORRY.

>> SORRY.

>> Stephen: J.W. STEWART, JUST

CAUGHT UP IN THE EMOTION OF THE

MOMENT.

WE DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING WE SAID.

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.

FAIR ENOUGH.

THAT'S FINE.

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

>> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU.

>> Jon: ONE LAST QUESTION

SINCE YOU'RE TOGETHER.

UM, HOW DID YOU GET TO LEAVE

"THE DAILY SHOW," BECAUSE THEY

LOCKED THE BARS AND THE WINDOWS

EVERY NIGHT.

I HAVEN'T BEEN OUT OF HERE 2

WHOLE TIME AND IT'S REALLY

SCARY, AND IF THEY FIND OUT...

WHAT?

NO, I'LL BE GOOD.

I'LL BE GOOD.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> I'M STEVE CARELL.

>> Stephen: AND I'M STEPHEN

COLBERT.

AND THIS H

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