Iowa Caucus - Mitt Romney's Victory Speech & Rick Santorum's Coup

  • Aired:  01/04/12
  •  | Views: 73,081

Mitt Romney wins the Iowa caucus, but Rick Santorum proves that a man with a vision, a willingness to work hard and a laser-like homophobia can make a mark. (3:11)

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH.

THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

WELCOME TO "THE REPORT."

[AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN"]

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US,

EVERYBODY.

FORGIVE ME IF I'M A LITTLE

JITTERY.

I WAS UP ALL NIGHT LAST NIGHT

WATCHING THE IOWA CAUCUSES, AND

TODAY I MAY HAVE HAD ONE TOO

MANY VENTI METH-A-CCINOS.

AS YOU KNOW, MITT ROMNEY WAS NOT

DECLARED THE VICTOR IN IOWA

UNTIL 1:30 A.M.

AND MITT USUALLY DOESN'T STAY UP

THAT LATE UNLESS HE'S GOT

HEARTBURN FROM A PARTICULARLY

SPICY WHEAT THIN.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT LAST NIGHT ROMNEY REWARDED

HIS HARD-WORKING TROOPS WITH A

ROUSING IMPROMPTU VICTORY

SPEECH.

>> O BEAUTIFUL FOR SPACIOUS

SKIES, FOR AMBER WAVES OF GRAIN.

DOES CORN QUALIFY AS AMBER WAVES

OF GRAIN?

I GUESS NOT, BUT YOU GET THE

IDEA.

>> Stephen:, NO THAT WAS FROM

LAST WEEK.

I WANT LAST NIGHT'S VICTORY

SPEECH.

>> O BEAUTIFUL FOR SPACIOUS

SKIES, FOR AMBER WAVES OF GRAIN.

DOES CORN QUALIFY AS AMBER WAVES

OF GRAIN?

I GUESS NOT, BUT YOU GET THE

IDEA.

>> Stephen: NO, NO, FROM

THURSDAY.

>> O BEAUTIFUL FOR SPACIOUS

SKIES, FOR AMBER WAVES OF GRAIN.

>> Stephen: NO, THAT'S FROM

MONDAY.

I WANT LAST NIGHT'S SPEECH, MITT

ROMNEY PROVED BY THE MOMENT.

>> O BEAUTIFUL FOR SPACIOUS

SKIES, FOR AMBER WAVES OF GRAIN.

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, JIM.

THAT'S ENOUGH.

I THINK WE'LL ALL REMEMBER

EVERYWHERE WE WERE EVERY TIME WE

HEARD THAT.

OF COURSE, IT WAS NOT A

RESOUNDING VICTORY.

FORMER SENATOR AND WORLD'S

PALEST DARK HORSE RICK SANTORUM

LOST IOWA BY ONLY EIGHT VOTES,

WHICH IS SIX 1,000thS OF 1%.

TO PUT THAT IN LAYMAN'S TERM,

ROMNEY GOT THE VOTE OF EVERY

BLACK REPUBLICAN IN IOWA.

SANTORUM'S NEAR VICTORY PROVES

THAT MONEY HASN'T TAKEN OVER OUR

POLITICAL PROCESS NO MATTER HOW

HARD I TRY.

ONE MAN WITH A VISION, A

WILLINGNESS TO WORK HARD AND A

LASER-LIKE HOMOPHOBIA CAN STILL

MAKE A MARK.

BUT SANTORUM SCORED AN EVEN

BIGGER VICTORY LAST NIGHT

BECAUSE THIS MORNING FOR THE

FIRST TIME IN EIGHT YEARS, WHEN

I GOOGLED THE WORD "SANTORUM,"

THE FIRST RESULT WAS FOR RICK

SANTORUM.

YES.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

THE CRUEL DEFINITION OF A FROTHY

MIXTURE OF LUBE AND FECAL MATTER

WAS FITTINGLY AT NUMBER TWO, SO

SENATOR SANTORUM, I HOPE YOU'RE

FEELING A FROTHY

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