Barack Obama's Righteous Drone Strikes

  • Aired:  05/31/12
  •  | Views: 28,089

The government takes out Al Qaeda's "number two," and Barack Obama finds an alternative to shutting down Guantanamo Bay. (2:03)

HIM OF A YOUNG "FORREST GUMP".

THANK YOU, SIR.

NOW FOLKS, WE ALL KNOW THAT BARACK OBAMA HAS BEEN WORKING HARD TO KILL OUR ECONOMY.

BUT IT TURNS OUT THERE IS SOMETHING HE'S WORKING EVEN HARDER TO KILL.

>> ANOTHER SENIOR AL QUITE'S QUITE'S-- AL QAEDA LEADER TAKEN OUT.

>> AL QAEDA NUMBER TWO HAS BEEN KILLED IN A WEEKEND AIR STRIKE.

>> WE TOOK OUT AL QAEDA'S NUMBER TWO.

AND IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME.

IN 2011, 20078 AND 2 O 006 WE ALSO TOOK OUT AL QAEDA'S NUMBER TWOS.

RIGHT NOW THAT MUST BE KIND OF A TOUGH POSITION TO FILL.

A PROMOTION TO NUMBER TWO?

OH, MR. AL ZAHIRI, I'M FLATTERED, BUT I PROMISE I WOULD COACH MY SON'S

BUZKASHI TEAM AND IT'S MY TIME TO BRING THE HEADLESS GOAT CARCASS.

NOW AL QAEDA ON RATTIVES AREN'T JUST AFRAID TO MOVE UP, THEY'RE AFRAID TO LOOK UP.

BECAUSE OBAMA HAS CARRIED OUT MORE THAN FIVE TIMES AS MANY COVERT DRONE STRIKES AS GEORGE BUSH.

SO WHAT'S BEHIND THE PRESIDENT'S RIGHTOUS KILL SPREE?

COULD IT BE HE'S JUST GUNNING FOR ANOTHER NOBEL PEACE PRIZE.

GOOD LUCK, SIR.

OR COULD IT BE MORAL AUTHORITY?

YOU SEE, THE PRESIDENT CAMPAIGNED ON A PROMISE THAT HE WOULD SHUT DOWN THE PRISON AT GUANTANAMO BUT

THAT TURNED OUT TO BE REAL HARD.

SO RATHER THAN SENDING PRISONERS TO GITMO, HE IS TAKING THE HIGH ROAD BY

SENDING THEM TO THEIR MAKER.

AS "THE NEW YORK TIMES" PUTS IT, MR. OBAMA HAS AVOIDED THE COMPLICATION OF

DETENTION BY DECIDING TO TAKE NO PRISONERS ALIVE.

IT'S BRILLIANT.

HE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HABEAS CORPUS BECAUSE AFTER A DRONE STRIKE,

SOMETIMES YOU CAN'T EVEN FIND THE CORPUS.

(LAUGHTER) THE ONLY PROBLEM IS, THE ONLY PROBLEM IS, FOLKS,

OCCASIONALLY OUR DRONES QUILL CIVILIANS.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT

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