Idaho's Bizarre Gubernatorial Debate

  • Aired:  05/21/14
  •  | Views: 62,263

GOP challengers Harley Brown and Walt Bayes steal the show at Idaho's gubernatorial debate, citing experience in killing wolves and a willingness to bind evil spirits. (7:01)

BUT OF COURSE THE BIGGESTPRIMARY WAS IN THE GREAT

STATE OF IDAHO.

ALSO KNOWN AS THE PILLOWMONTANA USES TO PRACTICE

KISSING.

(LAUGHTER)SEE THAT UP THERE.

(APPLAUSE)THE GUBERNATORIAL REPUBLICAN

NOMINATION WAS SEEN AS ACONTEST BETWEEN INCUMBENT

GOVERNOR AND WIND IN THEWILLOWS CHARACTER BUTCH

OTTER AND HIS CONSERVATIVEOPPONENT RUSS FULCHER WHO

IS RUNNING TO THE RIGHT SOMAYBE BADGER.

SO LAST THURSDAY'S PRIMARYDEBATE WAS DOMINATED BY TWO

OTHER CANDIDATES, HARLEYBROWN, FORMER COMMANDING

OFFICER OF NAVALCONSTRUCTION SERVICES AND

MR. WALT BAYES, A GREATGRANDFATHER AND HIGH SCHOOL

GRADUATE.

NOW THAT IS WHAT YOU CALL ABIG TENT.

BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE WALTBAYES LIVES IN A TENT MADE

FROM THE SKIN OF A BEAR HEFOUGHT FOR A GOLD NUGGET.

AND FOLKS, EVEN AN OTTERHEAD LIKE ME WAS CHARMED

WHEN I HEARD HARLEY BROWN'SOPENING REMARKS EXPLAINING

WHY HE IS RUNNING.

>> I WAS AT THE LOW POINT OFMY LIFE.

I MEAN THINGS WERE BAD. AND ICRIED OUT TO GOD. I SAID,

GOD HOW ABOUT PUTTING MEBACK ON ACTIVE DUTY AND

MAKING ME A BATTALIONCOMMANDER. LONG STORY SHORT,

HE SAYS NO, SON, I GOT AHIGHER RANK FOR YOU, I WILL MAKE

YOU THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF.

AND I STAGGERED NOT ON HISPROMISE. I'LL GET INTO

THAT MORE WITH YOU.

DON'T THINK I'M CRAZY 'CAUSEI'M NOT.

(LAUGHTER)FOLKS, WHEN IT COMES TO

REASSURING OPENINGSTATEMENTS, THAT IS RIGHT UP

THERE WITH I KNOW WE JUSTMET BUT I DON'T HAVE A HUMAN

HEAD IN MY FREEZER.

ALL RIGHT.

RIGHT OFF THE BAT I WASSOLD.

HARLEY BROWN WAS MY GUY BUT THEN WE HEARD FROM WALT

BAYES COMING AT YOU HOT ANDHARD LIKE A VENGEFUL BACKWOODS

SANTA.

>> JIM.

>> GOVERNOR OTTER, ABOUT THEEMISSIONS HE TRIED TO MAKE

ME TAKE AN EMISSIONS TESTAND I TOLD HIM WHAT TO DO

WITH IT.

I DROVE THREE YEARS AND MYWIFE DROVE THREE YEARS WITHOUT

ANY LICENSE OVER IT. NOBODY DONEANYTHING.

I STAND ON PRINCIPLES.

I WENT TO JAIL FOR HOMESCHOOLING.

I DID KILL A WOLF WHILE ITWAS STILL AN ENDANGERED

SPECIES.

>> Stephen: SMART MOVE,SMART MOVE, WALT, OPEN WITH

YOUR CRIMINAL HISTORY.

GET IT OUT THERE BEFORE THELANE STREAM MEDIA HITS YOU

WITH ALL THOSE GOTCHAQUESTIONS ABOUT SHOOTING

WOLVES.

OKAY THIS ROUND POINT BAYES,ESPECIALLY AFTER BROWN

ALMOST LOST ME WHEN HE CAMEOUT AS SOFT ON GAY MARRIAGE.

>> I USED TO DRIVE TAXIS INBOISE FOR 20 YEARS AT NIGHT.

AND I PICKED UP MY FAIRSHARE OF THE GAY COMMUNITY.

AND THEY HAVE TRUE LOVE FORONE ANOTHER.

I'M TELLING YOU, THEY LOVEEACH OTHER MORE THAN I LOVE

MY MOTORCYCLE.

(LAUGHTER)>> OKAY.

ADMITTEDLY THAT PULLS AT THEHEART STRINGS.

BUT AS A CONSERVATIVE I DIDNOT EXPECT TO HEAR PRO GAY

SENTIMENTS FROM A BURLYMAN IN A TINY LEATHER HAT AND

VEST.

(LAUGHTER)BUT THEN HARLEY WON ME BACK.

>> THE KEY IS GETTING OURLAND BACK FROM THE FEDS.

AND HERE'S MY PLAN OFATTACK.

YOU BIND THOSE EVIL SPIRITSTHAT ARE BEHIND THE FEDS

WITH THE BLOOD OF JESUS, THENAME OF JESUS, THE POWER OF

THE HOLY SPIRIT, THE POWEROF AGREEMENT, THE WORD OF

GOD.

TAKE AIR SUPERIORITY ANDTHEN ROLL IN WITH YOUR TANKS.

>> MR. BROWN.

>> BLITZKRIEG.

>> MR. BROWN, THE QUESTIONWAS ABOUT TAXES.

(LAUGHTER)>> Stephen: MAYBE, MAYBE SO.

AND HE WAS GETTING THEREBEFORE YOU SO RUDELY

INTERRUPTED HIM.

CLEARLY HIS POINT WAS THATIF YOU USE IT TO BIND THE

EVIL SPIRITS BEHIND THE FEDSTHE BLOOD OF CHRIST SHOULD

BE TAX DEDUCTIBLE.

WELL, FOLKS, BEFORE LONG ANDTHEN AFTER LONG, IT WAS TIME

FOR CLOSING STATEMENTS.

WALT, STICK THE LANDING.

>> DO YOU REMEMBER CHERNOBYL?

WHERE THE RUSSIANS HAD ALITTLE PROBLEM WITH THEIR

ATOMIC ENERGY?

CHERNOBYL, WHEN YOUTRANSLATE THAT INTO ENGLISH

IT COMES OUT WORMWOOD,WORMWOOD IS MENTIONED IN THE

BIBLE A WHOLE LOT WHEN YOU'RESTUDYING THE LAST DAYS AND IT IS

RADIATION. THEY GAVE THOSEPEOPLE THAT WORK THERE

SOMETHING CALLED POTASSIUMIODIDE AND IT PLUGS

UP YOUR THYROID GLAND SO ITWON'T TAKE THIS RADIATION IN.

AND ANOTHER THING YOU WANTTO KNOW IS OUR ENERGY PLANTS

THAT IS RUN BY ATOMIC, THEYCAN STAND 1/15 OF AN

EARTHQUAKE LIKE THAT ONE INJAPAN AND MY BIBLE SAYS IT WILL

GET WORSE AND WORSE AND WORSE.

WE BETTER GET US SOME,FOLKS.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> Stephen: NOW THAT IS ACAMPAIGN SLOGAN THAT

AMERICANS CAN RALLY BEHIND.

WALT BAYES, YOU REMEMBERCHERNOBYL WHEN YOU TRANSLATE

THAT IT COMES OUT WORMWOODWHICH IS MENTIONED IN THE

BIBLE A WHOLE LOT, POTASSIUMIODIDE WE GETTER GET US SOME

2014.

NOW FOLKS-- (APPLAUSE)

BUT FOLKS EVEN WALT'SMESSAGE OF HOPE PALED IN

COMPARISON TO THE POWER OFHARLEY BROWN'S CLOSER.

>> AFTER GOD TOLD ME WASGOING MAKE ME PRESIDENT I

WENT OUT AND GOT THEPRESIDENTIAL SEAL TATTOOED

RIGHT HERE ON MY SHOULDER.

I WAS LIVING IN FAT JACK'SCELLAR BECAUSE MY EX-WIFE

HAD GIVEN ME TRUMPED UPRESTRAINING ORDERS.

I COULDN'T SEE MY KIDS.

IT WAS A MESS. FAT JACK'S OLDLADY,

FAT JACK'S WIFE SAID GET THISLUNATIC OUT OF MY CELLAR.

YOU HAVE A CHOICE, FOLKS. ACOWBOY, A CURMUDGEON, A BIKER

OR A NORMAL GUY. TAKE YOUR PICK.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, WE'RELEAVING IT UP TO YOU.

(LAUGHTER)>> Stephen: YEAH!

WHO INVITED THE NORMAL GUY.

YOU GOT A COWBOY, ACURMUDGEON AND AN OLD COOT.

THEY WERE ONE CONSTRUCTIONWORKER AWAY FROM BREAKING

INTO YMCA.

WELL, FOLKS, SHOCKINGLYNEITHER OF THESE TWO WON THE

PRIMARY LAST NIGHT.

AND NEITHER DID TEA PARTYCANDIDATE RUSS FULLCHER.

THE NOMINATION WENT TOGOVERNOR OTTER.

BUT TEA PARTY FOLKS, THEFIGHT IS NOT OVER.

WE STILL HAVE THE GENERALELECTION.

AND AFTER WATCHING THATDEBATE IT IS CLEAR TO ME

THAT THE CANDIDATE IDAHONEEDS IS FAT JACK'S OLD

LADY.

(LAUGHTER)SHE-- FAT JACK'S OLD LADY--

(APPLAUSE)HAS A MESSAGE THAT RESONATES

WITH AMERICA.

GET THIS LUNATIC OUT OF MYCELLAR.

-- CELLAR, THAT IS THEMESSAGE THAT CAN DEFEAT NOT

JUST GOVERNOR OTTER BUTALSO IDAHO'S DEMOCRATIC

NOMINEE POTATO WITH AMUSTACHE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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