Governor Magorium's Ganja Emporium

  • Aired:  10/22/12
  •  | Views: 34,150

Puff the Magic Governor Andrew Cuomo wants to avoid drug charges against thousands of New Yorkers who are disproportionately black and Hispanic youth. (3:39)

WELCOME BACK.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

NATION, IT'S NEVER BEEN EASY FOR

A CONSERVATIVE LIKE ME TO LIVE

IN NEW YORK.

IT'S THE POSTER CHILD FOR THE

LIBERAL AGENDA, FROM PUBLIC

TRANSPORTATION TO LEGALIZED

BROADWAY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND THINGS ARE ONLY GETTING

WORSE, THANKS TO DEMOCRAT

GOVERNOR ANDREW CUOMO WHO HAS

ANNOUNCED THAT HE WILL NOT

APPROVE A RAISE FOR STATE

LAWMAKERS UNTIL THEY

DECRIMINALIZE MARIJUANA.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

NATION, I'VE SEEN STONERS TRY TO

TURN A LOT OF THINGS INTO BONGS,

BUT NEVER AN ENTIRE STATEHOUSE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

FOLKS, MARIJUANA USERS MOVE ON

TO HARDER STUFF LIKE WEED,

GRASS, GANJA, YAY-MAN, OPTIMUS

PRIME-LEAF, DUTCH ARUGULA,

GROMP, ZUFF, CHONK, NOOP, AND

MEXICAN LUNG CONFETTI.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND I MADE HALF OF THOSE UP.

PLUS, POT CAN MAKE YOU PARANOID.

YEAH, I'M TALKING TO YOU,

[ LAUGHTER ]

SITTING THERE RIGHT NOW WATCHING

THE SHOW WITH YOUR PARENTS.

THEY KNOW-- WE ALL KNOW.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

FOLKS, PUFF THE MAGIC GOVERNOR

IS THREATENING THEIR RAISES

BECAUSE HE WANTS TO CHANGE A

QUIRK IN THE STATE'S MARIJUANA

LAWS WHERE IF YOU POSSESS POT

IT'S ONLY A TICKET.

BUT IF IT'S IN PUBLIC VIEW, SAY

AFTER YOU'VE BEEN STOPPED AND

FRISKED BY POLICE, THEN IT'S A

CRIME.

>> HE SAYS THE AIM IS TO AVOID

UNNECESSARY CHARGES AGAINST

THOUSANDS OF NEW YORKERS WHO HE

SAYS ARE DISPROPORTIONATELY

BLACK AND HISPANIC YOUTH.

>> STEPHEN: OH, I SEE WHAT'S

HAPPENING HERE.

WHAT IF WE LIKE -- (bleep).

NO, NO, NO, NO!

WHAT IF, LIKE, WE LIVED IN A

WORLD WHERE OUR POLICE RESOURCES

WERE ALLOCATED MORE EFFECTIVELY,

AND DIDN'T REFLECT THE ENDEMIC

RACISM OF THE SYSTEM, MAN?

GROW UP, BURNOUT!

[ LAUGHTER ]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

CLEARLY, THIS WHOLE

"DISPROPORTIONATE TARGETING OF

MINORITIES" BOONDOGGLE IS JUST A

FIG LEAF SO CUOMO CAN EXERCISE

HIS DOOBERNATORIAL POWERS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THERE'S A PERFECTLY GOOD

EXPLANATION FOR WHY NEW YORK

POLICE OFFICERS ARE STOPPING AND

FRISKING SO MANY YOUNG

MINORITIES IN POOR

NEIGHBORHOODS: BECAUSE ALL THE

WHITE KIDS IN WEALTHIER

NEIGHBORHOODS AREN'T CARRYING

WEED.

THEY'VE MOVED ON TO COKE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SO MAYBE INSTEAD OF TURNING THIS

STATE INTO GOVERNOR MAGORIUM'S

GANJA EMPORIUM, CUOMO COULD

REALLY HELP THESE KIDS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

HE COULD TELL THEM TO PUT DOWN

THE POT, AND FOCUS ON THEIR

LIVES: THEIR CRUMBLING SCHOOLS,

AND THEIR COMMUNITY'S HOSTILE

TREATMENT BY THE POLICE.

AND IF THAT UPSETS THEM AND THEY

NEED TO RELAX, THEY CAN GET A

PRESCRIPTION FOR XANAX.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BECAUSE REMEMBER: DRUGS ARE NOT

THE ANSWER, KIDS-- EXCEPT WHEN

THEY ARE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]