In Poor Taste - Mark Shriver

  • Aired:  09/21/10
  •  | Views: 48,249

If Mark Shriver says, "help the poor or they will rise up against us," Stephen will invite him to the March to Keep Fear Alive. (10:09)

YOU'RE ALMOST... YOU'RE ALMOST

TOO KIND.

[LAUGHTER]

NATION, ALL ACROSS THIS GREAT

NATION OF OURS, THE BIG NEWS

CONTINUES TO BE MY UPCOMING

MARCH TO KEEP FEAR ALIVE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

KEEPFEARALIVE.COM.

GO AND SIGN UP.

IF ENOUGH OF YOU SHOW UP TO MY

RALLY, WE WON'T JUST BE ABLE TO

KEEP FEAR ALIVE, WE MAY BE ABLE

TO BRING SOME FEARS BACK FROM

THE DEAD.

MOTHER, DID YOU KNOW THEY NEVER

CAPPED THAT WELL THAT BABY

JESSICA FELL DOWN?

LOCK YOUR DOORS!

BUT THERE IS ONE FEAR, FOLKS, I

MUST LAY TO REST RIGHT NOW.

THE GNAWING FEAR THAT YOU MISSED

MY RALLY, WHICH YOU MIGHT THINK

I HELD YESTERDAY IN PORTLAND,

MAINE, IF YOU SAW.

THIS.

JIM.

>> REPEAL "DON'T ASK, DON'T

TELL" OR GO HOME.

GO HOME.

GO HOME.

GO HOME.

>> Stephen: NEW DON'T PANIC.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT WASN'T ME.

FIRST OFF, I HAVEN'T WORN MY

HAIR LIKE THAT SINCE I WORKED AT

"THE DAILY SHOW."

NO.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

NO.

THAT IS LADY GAGA.

WEARING MY SIGNATURE OUTFIT OF

SUIT, TIE AND GLASSES, AND, OF

COURSE, IT BEING LADY GAGA, SHE

HAD TO MAKE IT SLUTTY WITH A

SINGLE WINDSOR.

SO THE GOOD NEWS IS, FOLKS, YOU

HAVEN'T MISSED YOUR CHANCE TO

DEFEAT JON STEWART'S CALL FOR

SANITY AND TO HELP ME KEEP FEAR

ALIVE.

THE IS CLEARLY WORKING BECAUSE

SOME OTHERWISE STABLE PEOPLE ARE

ALREADY TERRIFIED OF SINISTER

PLOTS.

>> JON STEWART HAS SHOWN HIS

COLORS ALONG WITH STEPHEN

COLBERT, AND THEY ARE GOING TO

ACTIVATE THE YOUTH TO TRY TO GET

THEM TO VOTE.

THEN JON STEWART AND STEPHEN

COLBERT WILL GO AND ACTIVATE THE

YOUTH.

>> Stephen: WHO TOLD HIM ABOUT

THE YOUTH ACTIVATION?

NOW, LOOK, LOOK, FOLKS, FOLKS,

SINCE HE SPILLED THE BEANS, I

DON'T KNOW WHAT JON'S PLANNING,

BUT I'M DEFINITELY ACTIVATING

THE YOUTH.

I'VE BEEN BRAINWASHING THEM FOR

FIVE YEARS, AND COME 30 OCTOBER,

THEY WILL DO MY BIDDING.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT NOT TO VOTE.

THAT WOULD BE TOO OBVIOUS.

FOR THE RECORD, I WANT THEM TO

BE AFRAID TO VOTE, WHICH REMINDS

ME, YOUNG PEOPLE, PULLING THAT

LEVER COULD GIVE YOU HAS HAND

CANCER.

[LAUGHTER]

SO WHAT'S MY REAL PURPOSE, YOU

ASK.

OH, YOU'LL FIND OUT IN DUE TIME.

THE REAL QUESTION, GLENN, IS

WHAT IS THE PRECONDITIONED

ACTIVATION CODE?

IS IT "THE QUEEN OF DIAMONDS"?

OR PERHAPS IT'S SOMETHING

COMPLETELY ARBITRARY.

I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, PIRATE

SQUIRREL?

[SCREECHING]

QUIET, MY LOVELY.

OR THEY COULD BE ACTIVATED BY A

COMPLETELY INNOCUOUS PHRASE THAT

DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING TO TODAY'S

YOUTH, LIKE "420."

WHEN THEY HEAR, THAT I'M SURE

THEY'LL SPRING INTO ACTION WITH

ENERGY AND FOCUS.

AND MY CONTINUED EFFORT TO KEEP

FEAR ALIVE, YOU'RE SURROUNDED BY

POOR PEOPLE AND THEIR NUMBERS

ARE GROWING EVERY DAY.

JIM?

>> GOVERNMENT FIGURES OUT TODAY

SHOW THE NATION'S POVERTY RATE

JUMPED TO 14.3% LAST YEAR, MORE

THAN 43.5 MILLION AMERICANS WERE

IN NEED.

THAT'S THE HIGHEST NUMBER IN

HALF A CENTURY OF RECORD

KEEPING.

>> Stephen: YES, IT'S THE

HIGHEST NUMBER SINCE THE

GOVERNMENT STARTED KEEPING TRACK

IN 1959.

PRIOR TO THAT, OF COURSE, THERE

WERE NO POOR PEOPLE.

AND ACCORDING TO VOTER ROLLS, IN

MANY STATES, NO BLACK PEOPLE.

NATION, THESE STATISTICS ARE

AWFUL FOR THE OBVIOUS REASON.

THEY THREATEN THE BUSH TAX CUT

FOR THE WEALTHY.

JUST LISTEN TO THIS BLEEDING

HEART BRITISH BABE ON FOX

BUSINESS GOING AFTER MY CASH.

>> IF THE GOP HAVE THEIR WAY AND

KEPT THOSE TAX CUTS, APPARENTLY

IT WILL ADD $4 TRILLION TO THE

DEFICIT OVER NEXT FOUR YEARS.

IF YOU'RE GOING TO PASS THE

STIMULUS, THEN I'M AFRAID... THE

LOWER MIDDLE CLASS WILL GET IT,

NOT THE RICH WHO ARE DOING VERY

WELL.

>> WE'VE NEVER MADE THE POOR

RICH TAXING THE RICH, YOU

REALIZE THAT?

>>

>> Stephen: THANK YOU, NEAL.

IF RICH PEOPLE HAVE TO PAY TAX,

WHY WOULD THE POOR EVEN WANT TO

BECOME RICH?

[LAUGHTER]

I KNOW I'D RATHER LIVE IN A

SHANTY MADE OF MY OWN CHILDREN'S

TEARS THAN HAVE TO PAY 15% ON A

REALIZED CAPITAL GAIN OF $8

MILLION.

REPUBLICAN SENATE MINORITY

LEADER AND HUMAN JOWL HYBRID

MITCH McCONNELL KNOWS WHO THE

TRULY NEEDY ARE, THOSE MAKING

OVER $200,000 A YEAR, CALLING

THEM THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN

HIT HARDEST BY THIS RECESSION.

IT'S TRUE, THE RICH HAVE REALLY

SUFFERED.

IN FACT, I KNOW MANY PEOPLE WHO

ARE NOW SUMMER HOMELESS.

[LAUGHTER]

SOME OF THEM DON'T EVEN KNOW

WHAT DELIVERY SERVICE THEIR NEXT

MEAL IS COMING FROM.

BESIDES, GIVING MONEY TO RICH

PEOPLE DRIVES THE ECONOMY.

WHAT DO POOR PEOPLE DO WITH

THEIR MONEY?

THEY BLOW IT FIRST HEATING BILL

THAT COMES ALONG.

IT'S ALWAYS ME, ME, ME, HOW AM I

GOING TO FEED MY FAMILY, HOW AM

I GOING TO PLAY MY RENT, SOMEONE

ALERT MY NEXT OF KIN.

WELL, IF YOU ASK ME, FOLKS, THIS

POVERTY REPORT IS MUCH ADIEU

ABOUT PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOTHING.

HERE TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A

MONSTER ABOUT SAYING THAT IS THE

MANAGING DIRECTOR OF SAVE THE

CHILDREN'S U.S. PROGRAM.

PLEASE WELCOME MARK SHRIVER.

MARK, THANKS SO MUCH FOR COMING

ON.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

MARK, THESE NUMBERS, ALMOST 44

MILLION PEOPLE LIVING BELOW THE

POVERTY LINE.

ONE IN SEVEN PEOPLE.

WHY DO WE NEED TO KNOW THAT?

[LAUGHTER]

THAT'S A BUMMER, OKAY.

OKAY.

I DOESN'T HELP.

WE WILL HAVE THE POOR ALWAYS.

>> IT'S A NATIONAL DISGRACE.

IT'S REALLY AN AMAZING FIGURE

WHEN YOU HAVE 43 MILLION PEOPLE

MANY POVERTY IN THIS COUNTRY.

IT'S THE BIGGEST NUMBER EVER.

REALLY THE MOST DISTURBING FACT

IS KIDS ARE FEELING THE BRUNT OF

THE ECONOMY WORSE THAN ADULTS.

>> Stephen: NOW YOU'RE PLAYING

THE STARVING CHIDE CARD, AND I

DON'T THINK THAT'S FAIR.

MAYBE IF THE KIDS HAD JOBS, THEY

WOULDN'T BE SO POOR.

ISN'T CHILD LABOR LAWS KEEPING

US FROM BEING PROSPEROUS AGAIN?

GET THOSE GUYS BACK IN THE

FACTORIES.

>> THAT'S AN INTERESTING IDEA.

>> Stephen: THANK YOU.

>> BUT THE REAL ANSWER IS WHEN

ROW HAVE ONE IN FIVE KIDS

LIVERING IN POVERTY, YOU WANT TO

TAKE THOSE DOLLARS IN THE

ECONOMY AND INVEST THEM IN EARLY

CHILDHOOD EDUCATION.

>> THE BEST THESE NUMBERS EVER

WERE, RIGHT NOW IT'S 1 IN SEVEN,

THE BEST THESE NUMBERS EVER GOT

FOR AMERICA WAS ONE IN MINE BACK

IN 1973.

ISN'T THIS JUST A ROUNDING

ERROR, THE ONE IN SEVEN?

DO WE REALLY... IS IT AN

ALARMING STATISTIC OR JUST AN

ONGOING SAD STATISTIC?

>> IT'S THE BIGGEST NUMBER IN

THE HISTORY OF THE UNITED

STATES.

WE'VE BEEN AROUND FOR OBVIOUSLY

OVER 200 YEARS, AND MOST PEOPLE

IN POVERTY EVER.

WHAT WE OUGHT TO BE TALKING

ABOUT IS NOT THESE ALARMING

STATISTICS BUT REALLY THE NEED

TO INVEST IN THESE KIDS TO HELP

THEM LEFT THEMSELVES OUT OF

POVERTY.

IT'S A COMBINATION.

>> THE GOVERNEMNT CAN'T DO

ANYTHING.

WE KNOW THE GOVERNMENT CAN'T DO

ANYTHING.

THE GOVERNMENT IS OUT OF IT.

HOUSES OF WORSHIP.

I LIKE THAT.

>> FAMILIES NEED TO GET

INVOLVED.

HOUSES OF WORSHIP NEED TO GET

INVOLVED.

WHEN THE GOVERNMENT MADE A

COMMITMENT IN THE '60s, THE

BEST NUMBERS WERE IN THE 70s.

THAT'S A RESULT OF THE KENNEDY

AND JOHNSON ADMINISTRATION.

WE HAD PUBLIC WILL.

>> Stephen: WE'VE HAD A WAR ON

POVERTY SINCE THE 1960s.

WE'VE HAD A WAR ON DRUGS.

WE'RE GIVING UP ON THE WAR ON

DRUGS.

WE'RE GOING TO LEGALIZE

MARIJUANA BECAUSE WE COULDN'T

WIN IT.

IS IT TIME TO LEGALIZE POVERTY?

[LAUGHTER]

NO.

CLEARLY I THINK IF YOU TALK TO

FOLKS, WHEN YOU HAVE 43 MILLION

PEOPLE IN POVERTY...

>> Stephen: YOU THROW AROUND

THIS NUMBER, 43 MILLION PEOPLE

IN POVERTY, ONE IN SEVEN

AMERICAN, BUT WE'RE STILL THE

RICHEST COUNTRY ON EARTH,

CORRECT?

>> WE ARE THE RICHEST COUNTRY ON

EARTH.

>> Stephen: SO ON AVERAGE

EVERYTHING IS HO U.K.Y DORIE.

GUYS LIKE YOU AND ME GET TO HOLD

ON THE THAT MONEY FOR THE POOR

PEOPLE.

>> RIGHT, RIGHT.

>> Stephen: TO KEEP IT CLEAN.

[LAUGHTER]

>> I THINK CLEARLY WHAT WE WANT

TO DO IS... AND WHEN AMERICA HAS

BEEN AT ITS GREATEST IS WHEN WE

USE IMAGINATION.

YOU'RE DOING A BIG RALLY IN

WASHINGTON, D.C.

>> Stephen: I AM.

ARE YOU GOING TO BE THERE IF I

INVITE YOU?

>> IF YOU INVITE ME.

>> Stephen: I HAVE NOT INVITED

YOU YET.

>> IF YOU LOOK AT AMERICA'S

HISTORY, WE'VE DONE GREAT THINGS

WHEN WE USE OUR IMAGINATION AND

WHEN WE MOBILIZE RESOURCES.

LOOK AT DEFEATING THE GERMANS,

MAKING INTERSTATE HIGHWAYS

ACROSS THIS COUNTRY.

>> Stephen: ARE YOU SAYING

YOU'RE FOR THE NAZIS?

>> NO, I'M NOT.

LOOK AT PUTTING MAN ON THE MOON.

THE COUNTRY HAS RALLIED AROUND

THE CAUSE.

IF WE MOBILIZE AS A COUNTRY, WE

CAN HELP KIDS OUT OF POVERTY.

>> Stephen: DON'T YOU THINK

IT'S DISGRACEFUL WHEN YOU HAVE

ONE IN FIVE KIDS -- I THINK IT'S

FRIGHTENING BECAUSE IF WE DON'T

HELP THE POOR, THEY WILL RISE UP

AGAINST US.

RIGHT?

THAT'S HOW REVOLUTIONS START.

THAT'S A COMPELLING REASON.

>> IT IS.

>> Stephen: BEING FRIGHTENED

OF THE POOR I THINK IS A

COMPELLING REASON TO HELP THEM.

THAT'S HOW I THINK FEAR CAN HELP

OUR NATION.

WILL YOU HELP ME IN SAYING IF WE

DON'T HELP THE POOR, THEY WILL

RISE UP AGAINST US?

>> I HAVEN'T BEEN INVITED TO THE

RALLY YET, SO I DON'T KNOW.

>> Stephen: IF YOU SAY, "HELP

THE POOR OR THEY WILL RISE UP

AGAINST US," I WILL INVITE YOU.

>> RIGHT NOW?

>> Stephen: YES.

>> I CAN'T SAY THAT.

>> Stephen: NO INVITATION FOR

YOU, MY FRIEND.

HOPEFULLY YOU'LL COME AROUND.

MARK

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