Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude - Santa's Pipe

  • Aired:  11/12/12
  •  | Views: 41,021

Anti-smoking activist Pamela McColl edits out two verses in "T'was the Night Before Christmas," but Santa needs his vice to unwind. (2:59)

CHEERSES PLAUS.

>> Stephen: HEY, WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU SO.

NATION, CHRISTMAS MAY BE 43 DAYS AWAY BUT IT IS NEVER TOO EARLY TO GET YOUR SHOPPING DONE.

IN FACT, I DID MINE IN 1986.

KIDS YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE YOUR NEW TANDY 102 PORTABLE COMPUTER NOW WITH SPRING LOADED KEY.

IT'S LIKE YOUR WORDS ARE SHOUTING AT YOU.

BUT WITH CHRISTMAS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER THE SECULAR SCROOGES HAVE LAUNCHED THEIR LATEST

BLITZKRIEG ON GRINCHITUDE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: FOLKS FOR ME CHRISTMAS IS ALL ABOUT TRADITION.

TRIM THE TREE, WRAP THE PRESENTS, HANG THE STOCKS, UNTANGLE THE LIGHT, WASH MY HANDS 17 TIMES, RETAEJ THE

LIGHTS AND WRITE A LETTER TO SANTA ASKING FOR MORE OCD MEDICATION.

FOLKS ONE OF THE MOST CHERISHED TRADITIONS OF CHRISTMAS IS READING THE CLASSIC TWICE THE NIGHT

BEFORE CHRISTMAS.

BUT NOW THAT'S OVER.

>> IN THIS VERSION OF IT WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS IS GETTING SOME HOLIDAYER.

>>, A VISIT FROM ST.

NICHOLAS THE JOLLY OLD ELF KISSED HIS PIPE HABIT COLD TURKEY.

EDITING OUT TWO VERSES ABOUT SMOKING.

>> THE VERSUS THE PIPE HE HELD TIGHT AND THE SPOKEN CIRCLED HIS HEAD LIKE A WREATH.

>> Stephen: SANTA CAN'T QUIT SMOKING.

HE NEEDS THAT VICE.

YOU TRY DEALING WITH THE STRESS OF DELIVERING THE WORLD'S TOYS IN A SINGLE NIGHT.

WE'RE LUCKY HE'S NOT DOING A PA RUM PUM-PUM BUMP OFF BLITZEN'S ASS.

BESIDES, SECONDHAND SMOKE IS HOW SANTA STUNTS THOSE KIDS' GROWTH.

EVEN WORSE, FOLKS, A NOTE FROM SANTA ON THE BOOK BACK SAYS HIS FURTHER IS FAKE.

HOW DARE YOU PAINT SANTA AS SOME KIND OF HIPPIE DIPPIE PETA.

HE EARNED THAT FUR BY BAGGING HIMSELF AN A BOMB I HADABLE SHOWMAN.

FOLKS, THIS POLITICAL CORRECTNESS MUST BE STOPPED.

SURE, IT STARTS WITH NO SMOKING AND FAKE FUR.

BEFORE YOU KNOW IT WE'RE DISSING HIGH FAT MILK AND COOKIES, LIVING ON KALE CHIPS AND COCONUT WATER.

MARK MY WORDS SANTA IS GOING TO STOP GIVING NAUGHTY KIDS COAL AND START GIVING THEM

COMPACT FOR ES-- FLORESCENT BULBS BECAUSE IF THEY CAN TAKE AWAY SANTA'S SMOKING

THEY CAN TAKE AWAY ALL HIS BAD HABITS.

THEY WILL CUT OFF HIS EGG NOTHING, MAKE HIM LOSE WEIGHT AND NO MORE SATURDAY NIGHTS WITH HIS

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