Budget Sequestration

  • Aired:  02/28/13
  •  | Views: 28,639

Because Democrats and Republicans failed to reach an agreement over the debt ceiling, Obama's sequester will cripple programs that both sides love. (5:36)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

COME ON!

THANK YOU.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

FOLKS, YOU KNOW -- F 9:K AT MIDNIGHT TONIGHT A TICKING TIME BOMB GOES OFF IN WASHINGTON AND

FOR ONCE I'M NOT CONFUSING REAL LIFE WITH AN EPISODE OF HOMELAND.

THE HOFF RISK SCENARIO -- HORRIFIC SCENARIO AWAITING US ISBe!| SEQUESTRATION.

WE ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

[LAUGHTER]

>> MARCH 1 AN AUTOMATIC ACROSS THE BOARD SPENDING CUT�r WILL HIT THE FEDERAL BUDGET.

ECONOMISTS ARE WORRIED IT WILL TRIGGER A RECESSION.

>> IT MEANS CUTTING $85 BILLION A YEAR HALF FROM THE PENTAGON, HALF FROM NONDEFENSE PROGRAMS.

EVERYTHING FROM EDUCATION TO NATIONAL PARKS TO MEALS ON WHEELS.

$1.2 TRILLION IN CUTS OVER TEN YEARS.

>> Stephen: YEAH, BUT IT WON'T BE THAT BAD BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY AMERICA IS GOING TO LAST TEN YEARS.

WE HAVE TWO TOPS.

[LAUGHTER]

OBAMA IS TRYING TO SCARE US INTO RESPONSIBLE BEHAVIOR.

>> THOUSANDS OF TEACHERS AND EDUCATORS WILL BE LAID OFF.

AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS AND AIRPORT SECURITY WILL SEE CUTBACKS WHICH MEANS MORE DELAYS

AT AIRPORTS ACROSS THE COUNTRY.

EMERGENCY RESPONDERS, THEIR ABILITY TO HELP COMMUNITIES RESPOND TO AND RECOVER FROM

DISASTERS WILL BE DEGRADED.

FEDERAL PROSECUTORS HAVE TO CLOSE CASES AND LET CRIMINALS GO.

>> Stephen: DON'T BELIEVE HIM NATION, OBAMA IS TRYING TO CONVINCE US THE SEQUESTER IS A

TERRIBLE PROBLEM WHEN IN FACT IT'S A TERRIBLE SOLUTION.

IT WAS BORN BACK IN 2011 WHEN OBAMA WANTED TO RAISE THE DEBT CEILING.

THE AMOUNT THAT AMERICA CAN BORROW TO PAY ITS BILLS.

IT'S SORT OF LIKE RAISING THE CREDIT LIMIT ON YOUR VISA TO PAY OFF YOUR MASTERCARD IF YOU HAD

USED YOUR MASTERCARD TO PAY FOR TWO TRILLION-DOLLAR WARS.

BUT -- LISTEN, WAIT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THEY WERE WORTH IT BECAUSE NOW WE CAN USE ALL THE FREE MILES TO GO TO THE NEXT WAR.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BUT THE REPUBLICANS -- BUT THE REPUBLICANS WOULD ONLY RAISE THE DEBT CEILING IF THE PRESIDENT

PROMISED LATER SPENDING CUTS.

IF THOSE WERE NOT PASSED BY AN ARBITRARY DATE, IT WOULD TRIGGER THE SEQUESTER, A DOOMSDAY

SCENARIO DESIGNED TO CRIPPLE PROGRAMS THAT BOTH SIDES LOVE.

THE DEMOCRATS WOULD SEE DAMAGING REDUCTIONS IN EDUCATION, NATIONAL PARKS, VACCINATION

PROGRAMS, FOOD INSPECTION, EVEN THE NATIONAL ZOO WHILE REPUBLICANS WOULD SEE CUTS TO

EVERYTHING THEY HOLD DEAR LIKE THE MILITARY.

[LAUGHTER]

THE POINT IS --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

-- IF THE TWO SIDES FAILED TO COME TO A COMPROMISE IN MARCH 2013 WOULD COME IN LIKE�i A LION

AND GO OUT LIKE A LION LOOSE FROM THE UNGUARDED NATIONAL ZOO.

IT WAS A GOOD PLAN AS LONG AS ONE OF THE SIDES DIDN'T FORGET THAT IT WAS A HORRIBLE PLAN.

>> YOU KNOW, LOOK, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT $85 BILLION.�i WE BORROW $85 BILLION EVERY

THREE DAYS.

THIS IS THREE TENTHS OF 1% OF G.D.P.

IT'S TWO CENTS ON THE DOLLAR.

>> THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT IS HIGHLY INEFFICIENT.

IT COULD USE A 5% OR 10% CUT.

>> Stephen: THAT IS A COURAGEOUS STANCE BY RUDY GIULIANI.

THAT ELIMINATE ONLY 280,000 JOBS, NONE OF WHICH ARE HIS.

IN RETROSPECT, WE SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS FAILGrG COMING.

IT'S JUST LIKE THE STORY FROM THE BIBLE AND LO KING SALOMON SAID IF I CANNOT AGREE WHOSE

BABY THIS IS I'LL CUT IT IN HALF AND ONE MOM SAID, GREAT, HALF A BABY.

PROBABLY LESS WORK ANYWAY IF YOU GET THE TOP HALF NEW YORK DIAPER�i CHANGES.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT, FOARKZAGE THINK THE KNOW WHY THE SEQUESTER IS NOT WORKING BECAUSE Juz DOESN'T EFFECT CONGRESS.

THE SALARIES OF SENATORS AND REPRESENTATIVES DO NOT GET CUT.

[AUDIENCE OOHS] IT'S LIKE A LONE SHARK SAYING IF YOU DON'T PAY UP HE'S GOING TO BREAK YOUR

NEIGHBOR'S LEGS.

NO SKIN OFF THEIR NOSE.

ALSO, HE IS TAKING YOUR NEIGHBOR'S NOSE BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT WAS A BAD IDEA.

REMEMBER, THE GOVERNMENT THAT GOVERNS BEST IS ONE THAT FORCES ITSELF TO EITHER MAKE TOUGH

ZOIRGSES SUFFER UNIMAGINEIBLY HORRIBLE CONSEQUENCES.

I BELIEVE IT WAS JEFFERSON WHO SAID THAT OR JIGSAW.

THEREFORE, TO PREVENT THE NEXT CRISIS WE NEED A WORST SCENARIO.

I SAY WE SOCIAL SECURITY SPEND A -- SUSPEND A MONKEY ABOVE THE FLOOR OF CONGRESS, AN EBOLA

MONKEY AND THEN SMEAR EACH MEMBER OF CONGRESS WITH MONKEY MEAT AND BANANAS.

IF THEY DON'T REACH A DEAL BY THE DEADLINE THE ROPES ARE CUT, THE DOORS ARE L