The In-Box - Lions vs. Tigers

  • Aired:  10/22/13
  •  | Views: 30,720

Stephen reads his viewer mail and weighs in on the classic rivalry between lions and tigers. (4:16)

>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN.

>> Stephen: THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) Y THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS ABOUT THIS AUDIENCE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS ABOUT YOU PEOPLE, BUT RIGHT NOW I AM FIGHTING A VERY STRONG URGE TO

COME OUT THERE AND GIVE YOU BIG HUGS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) FOLKS, I HAVE TO TELL YOU AT HOME.

THESE PEOPLE SMELL FANTASTIC.

( APPLAUSE ) NOW, NATION AS A TRADITIONALIST WHO SEES THE WORLD WITH COMMONSENSE CLARITY, THESE DAYS

A LOT OF OUR VALUE JUDGMENTS I BELIEVE ARE JUST PLAIN WRONG.

FOR INSTANCE, IF WE REALLY WANT TO HELP SICK KIDS, WHY DO WE MAKE MEDICINE BOTTLES WITH

CHILDPROOF CAPS?

( LAUGHTER ) AM I THE ONLY ONE THINKING THESE THINGS?

KEEP GOING.

YEAH.

( LAUGHTER ) WELL, APPARENTLY I AM NOT, BECAUSE THE VIEWERS ARE ALWAYS RIDING ME FOR ANSWERS.

FOR INSTANCE, ARE THESE LETTERS?

LET'S FIND OUT.

ALL RIGHT.

( LAUGHTER ) HERE WE GO.

YUP.

RIGHT THERE.

YUP, THIS IS ONE.

IT SAYS, "STEPHEN, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO DO ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR INBOX SEGMENTS?

THANKS FOR ASKING.

RIGHT NOW.

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ).

( CHEERS ) FOLKS, TONIGHT'S FEATURE LETTER COMES TO US FROM STEPHEN C.-- NO, SORRY, THAT'S WHO IT'S

ADDRESSED TO.

ANYWAY, THE QUESTION S, DEAR STEPHEN, WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT, A LION OR A TIGER?

PLEASE SAY LION.

IT'S IMPORTANT." TIMOTHY DANIELS, Ph.D., AGE 46.

GREAT QUESTION, TIMMY.

THIS IS A CLASSIC RIVALRY, ONE OF THE FEW I'VE NEVER WEIGHED IN ON.

LET'S LOOK AT THE FACTS.

LIONS HUNT IN PACTION.

THEY'RE USED TO GANG FIGHTS.

WHILE TIGERS ARE SOLITARY, HUNTING ALONE.

I ALWAYS PUT MY MONEY ON THE DRIFTER, WHETHER IT'S BIG CATS OR BONG FIGHTS.

THAT'S A CLEAR ADVANTAGE TO THE TIGER.

WHEN IT COMES TO SIZE YOU MIGHT THINK THE LION WOULD WIN BECAUSE THEY'RE HUGE, THE SECOND LARGEST

MEMBER OF THE CAT FAMILY.

YOU KNOW WHO'S FIRST?

( BLEEP ) TIGERS.

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) LIONS, LIONS, FOLKS, LIONS CAN WEIGH UP TO 550 POUNDS WHILE

TIGERS HAVE WEIGH UP TO 800.

BUT THEY DON'T LOOK IT BECAUSE THE VERTICAL STRIPES ARE SLIMMING.

( LAUGHTER ) NOW, BOTH LIONS AND TIGERS HAVE TAILS, SO THAT'S A WASH.

BUT THE TIGER'S LIFE SPAN IS 10 TO 15 YEARS, WHILE THE LION'S IS A MERE 10 TO 14 YEARS.

( LAUGHTER ) SO IF IT COMES DOWN TO IT, THE TIGER CAN JUST WAIT THE LION OUT.

NOW, BOTH HAVE BEEN TURNED INTO CARTOON CHARACTERS, SO THAT'S A TIE.

BY THE WAY, IT'S OKAY WHEN THEY CALL EACH OTHER TIGER, BUT YOU SHOULD NOT.

( APPLAUSE ) NOT COOL.

PLEASE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BUT TIGERS HAVE ALMOST TWICE THE BITE FORCE, THEY'RE MUCH FASTER,

SO CLEARLY IT'S NO CONTEST.

IF A LION FOUGHT A TIGER, TIGER WOULD WIN PAWS DOWN.

THEY'VE GOT THE SIZE, THEY'VE GOT STRENGTH, THEY'VE GOT THE STRIPES.

AND NOW THEY'VE GOT THE COLBERT BUMP.

( APPLAUSE ) BESIDE, TIM, YOU HAVE EVER HEARDAVE COWARDLY TYINGER?

NO.

( LAUGHTER ) SORRY, LION, YOU MAY BE KING OF THE JUNGLE, BUT TIGERS ARE KING OF WHEREVER TIGERS LIVE.

CEREAL AISLE?

I DON'T KNOW.

THAT'S FOR TIGER VERSUS LION.

NOW TIGER WOODS VERSUS LION-EL RICHIE.

THAT'S A WHOLE OTHER SEGMENT OF "THE INBOX." ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

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