U.K. Horse Meat Scandal

  • Aired:  02/20/13
  •  | Views: 27,152

Everyone in Europe worries that they may be biting down on horse instead of their usual delicacy of pickled sheep brain. (3:41)

[CHEERS AN Captioning sponsored by COMEDY CENTRAL ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

[CROWD CHANTING STEPHEN]

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE REPORT, EVERYBODY.

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

PLEASE, NATION, SIT DOWN.

AS AN AMERICAN I DON'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT OTHER COUNTRIES THAT ARE NOT US.

WITH THEIR CRAZY NAMES -- "NOTAMERICA-STAN."

[LAUGHTER]

BUT TONIGHT, EVERY SINGLE STORY I WILL BE REPORTING ON COMES FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY.

I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT EITHER.

BLAME THE U.N.

[LAUGHTER]

FIRST UP, A STORY THAT IS ROCKING THEWORLD OF MEAT.

>> THE UNITED KINGDOM'S MEAT INDUSTRY IS IN DISARRAY AFTER HORSE MEAT WAS DISCOVERED IN

PRODUCTS INTENDED FOR HUMANS.

>> FOOD GIANT NESTLE SUSPENDING SOME OF ITS DELIVERIES AFTER TRACES OF HORSE DNA WERE FOUND

IN THE MEAT.

>> STORES IN BRITAIN, FRANCE AND SWEDEN NOW YANKING BEEF PRODUCTS OFF THE SHELVES OVER A HORSE

MEAT SCARE.

>> BURGER KING ADMITS SOME OF ITS PATTIES IN ENGLAND AND IRELAND WERE TAINTED WITH

HORSE MEAT.

>> Stephen: SOMEONE IN EUROPE IS TRYING TO SLIP YOU THEIR TAINTED MEAT, AND FOR ONCE IT'S NOT

SILVIO BURLESCONI.

[LAUGHTER]

HE HAS BEEN KNOWN TO YANK HIS MEAT OFF THE SHELVES: 4R5 H-

[LAUGHTER]

NOW, EVERYONE IN EUROPE IS WORRIED THAT THEY MAY BE BITING DOWN ON HORSE, INSTEAD OF THEIR

USUAL DELICACY OF PICKLED SHEEP BRAIN.

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S A COMPLEX STORY, SO LET ME BACK UP AND EXPLAIN HOW THIS HORSE SCANDAL WENT DOWN.

[SPEAKING LIKE A RACETRACK ANNOUNCER]

AND THEY'RE OFF -- FIRST, HORSE MEAT WAS DISCOVERED IN A BRITISH SUPERMARKET, BUT BRITAIN ROUNDED

THE BEND AND LAID THE BLAME ON THE IRISH SUPPLIER-- WHO SAID THEY GOT IT FROM POLAND.

POLAND DENIES IT.

AAAANNND HERE'S FRANCE, COMING UP STRONG WITH THEIR OWN HORSE MEAT SCANDAL, SELLING MEAT TO

ENGLAND AND SWEDEN, BUT FRANCE FALLS BEHIND AND LAYS THE BLAME ON CYPRUS.

CYPRUS NOW IN THE LEAD WITH THE BLAME, BUT WHAT'S THIS?

WHAT'S THIS?

OUT OF NOWHERE ON THE LAST LEG, CYPRUS SAYS THEY GOT THEIR MEAT FROM A DUTCH COMPANY, WHO SAID

THEY GOT IT FROM-- WHO'S THAT?

WHO'S THAT?

IT'S ROMANIA!

ROMANIA TAKES THE BLAME!!!

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BUT THE ROMANIANS DID NOT ACT ALONE.

>> I'VE GOT A HORRIBLE FEELING WE'RE LOOKING AT A MAJOR INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL CONSPIRACY.

>> CLAIMS THAT ORGANIZED CRIME GANGS ARE BEHIND THE CONTAMINATION ARE THREATENING TO

ERRODE CONSUMER CONFIDENCE.

>> Stephen: ORGANIZED CRIME!

[LAUGHTER]

I'M NOT SURPRISED THE MOB IS INVOLVED.

I MEAN, IF YOU'RE GONNA LEAVE A HORSE HEAD IN A BED, WHY WASTE ALL THAT GOOD BODY MEAT?

[LAUGHTER]

FRANKLY, I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY EVERYONE IS SO UPSET OVER EATING HORSE?

WE DON'T FEEL GUILTY WHEN WE HAPPILY CONSUME THE REST OF NOAH'S ARK?

[LAUGHTER]

IS IT BECAUSE THEY'RE OUR FRIENDS IN MOVIES AND TV SHOWS?

WELL, I LOVE BACON, SO I JUST HOPE SPIELBERG NEVER MAKES "WAR PIG."

[LAUGHTER]

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH EATING HORSE BURGERS.

FAST FOOD SHOULD BE MADE OF FAST ANIMALS.