The Word - Straight to Video

  • Aired:  04/22/10
  •  | Views: 74,269

Lindsey Graham, save your good name and career by releasing a straight sex tape. (4:17)

THE POLAR ICECAP.

[LAUGHTER]

OF COURSE, THE STORY THAT NONE OF THESE PAPERS ARE WASTING PAPER ON IS WHAT WILLIAM GHEEN,

LEADER OF THE RIGHT-WING AMERICANS FOR ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION SAID ABOUT SOUTH

CAROLINA SENATOR LINDSEY GRAHAM AT A TEA PARTY RALLY ON SATURDAY.

>> I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE TODAY THAT I THOUGHT LONG AND HARD ABOUT SAYING TO ANYBODY.

I THINK SENATOR GRAHAM, YOU NEED TO COME FORWARD AND TELL PEOPLE ABOUT YOUR ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLE

AND YOUR HOMOSEXUALITY.

[APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: I HAVE TO ADMIT, I HAVE TO ADMIT, THAT WAS VERY BRAVE OF MR. GHEEN.

OUTING SOMEONE USUALLY TAKES THE KIND OF COURAGE ONLY DISPLAYED BY MALE PROSTITUTES PAID BY

TABLOID MAGAZINES.

NINE TIMES OUT OF TEN I'M ON THE SIDE OF WHOEVER IS CALLING SOMEBODY GAY.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'M GOING TO OUT SOMEBODY RIGHT NOW, THE MICHELIN MAN.

I HAPPEN TO KNOW HE'S INTO RUBBER.

BUT THE PERSON BEING ACCUSED HERE IS A SENATOR FROM MY HOME STATE, AN I'M NOT GOING TO LET

SOMEONE SLANDER HIS GOOD NAME,

WHICH BRINGS US TO TONIGHT'S WORD.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

FIRST OFF, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS ALLEGATION.

IF LINDSEY GRAHAM FOUND MEN SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE, WHY WOULD HE HANG OUT WITH JOE LIEBERMAN?

[LAUGHTER]

PLUS, FOR THE LAST THREE YEARS,

HUMAN RIGHTS CAMPAIGN, THE LARGEST GAY RIGHTS ORGANIZATION IN THE COUNTRY, GAVE GRAHAM'S

VOTING RECORD A ZERO.

OF COURSE, THAT DOESN'T MOVE HE'S NOT GAY.

AFTER ALL, LARRY CRAIG ALSO HAD A ZERO, WHICH TURNED OUT TO BE SLIGHTLY LESS THAN THE NUMBER OF

TIMES HE WAS ARRESTED FOR SOLICITING GAY SEX IN AN AIRPORT BATHROOM.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT WHILE... WHILE IT IS NOT TRUE AND NONE OF OUR BUSINESS,

FOR A REPUBLICAN POLITICIAN,

THIS IS A SERIOUS CHARGE.

MY RESEARCH DEPARTMENT HAS DETERMINED THAT REPUBLICANS AREN'T THAT FOND OF GAY PEOPLE

AFTER THEY CONDUCTED AN EXHAUSTIVE TURNING ON OF FOX NEWS.

JIM.

>> HERE THERE IS A GAY AND SECULAR FASCISM IN THIS COUNTRY THAT WANTS TO IMPOSE ITS WILL ON US.

>> HERE'S WHAT'S NEXT, NAMBLA MEMBERS, SAME-SEX MARRIAGE.

>> IF YOU OKAY GAY MARRIAGE, YOU HAVE TO DO PLURAL MARRIAGE.

>> YOU WOULD LET EVERYONE GET MARRIED WHO WANTS TO GET MARRIED.

YOU WANT TO MARRY A TURTD L,

YOU.

CAN

>> BUT OF COURSE ALL THE BEST ONES ARE TAKEN.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

SO SENATOR GRAHAM NEEDS TO CONVINCE US HE'S STRAIGHT.

BUT HOW?

WELL, FOLKS, THE ANSWER, THE ANSWER CAN BE FOUND WHERE ALL OF US STRAIGHT GUYS GO FOR TIPS ON

HOW TO BE STRAIGHT.

"SEX AND THE CITY." IN THIS CASE IT'S SEASON SIX,

PART TWO, EPISODE FIVE, "THE COLD WAR." NORMALLY I'M MORE OF A MIR RAN

DARKS BUT THIS IS A SAMANTHA STORY.

I KNOW.

WHAT A WHORE.

RUMORS, YOU SEE, RUMORS GO AROUND THAT HER BOYFRIEND, HE'S A MODEL AND GORGEOUS, WAS GAY.

AND SHE HAS TO MOVE THAT HE'S NOT.

>> ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS.

>> IT WORKED FOR PARIS HILTON.

I NEED TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT, LITERALLY.

>> Stephen: LINDSEY GRAHAM,

SAVE YOUR GOOD NAME BY RELEASING A SEX TAPE.

AND, FOLKS, I HAVE ALREADY GOT A TITLE, "GRAHAM SLAM." SIR, IT WILL SAVE YOUR CAREER.

BECAUSE ANY KIND OF STRAIGHT SEX SEEMS TO BE OKAY WITH THE G.O.P.

I MEAN, JUST LOOK AT GOVERNOR MARK SANFORD, SENATOR JOHN ENSIGN OR SENATOR DAVID VITTER,

WHO IS STILL IN OFFICE DESPITE BEING NAMED AS A CLIENT BY THE D.C. MADAM THREE YEARS AGO AND

DOGGED BY RUMORS THAT HE ALLEGEDLY LIKES PROSTITUTES TO DRESS HIM UP IN DIAPERS.

HAS HE BEEN THROWN OUT OF OFFICE?

NO, HE HAS NOT.

IN FACT, I SAY HE HAS BEEN PAMPERED.

[LAUGHTER]

SO JUST RENT THE EQUIPMENT.

HELL, RENT THE GIRL.

JUST PUT IT IN THERE AND GET IT OUT THERE.||||

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