Amy Sedaris

  • Aired:  12/16/10
  •  | Views: 82,019

Amy Sedaris shows how to save money by freezing cookie crumbs for the office holiday party. (5:46)

EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU.

YOU ARE PROBABLY WONDERING WHY

MY DESK IS COVERED WITH FABRIC

AND RICK RACK.

MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT HAS A NEW

BOOK ALL ABOUT WRAPPING.

PLEASE WELCOME THE PRETTY LITTLE

CHRISTMAS BUY KNOW AMY SEDARIS.

WOOO!

WOOOO!

HI, AMY.

HEY.

HI.

OKAY, AMY, GOOD TO SEE YOU.

>> NICE TO SEE YOU, STEPHEN.

>> Stephen: HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?

YOU LOOK FANTASTIC?

>> I'VE BEEN ON MY KNEES.

>> Stephen: WELL, AMY, LET'S

GET RIGHT TO THE HEAT OF THE

MEAT HERE.

YOU'VE GOT A NEW BOOK CALLED

"SIMPLE TIMES: CRAFTS FOR POOR

PEOPLE."

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

>> Stephen: THAT IS REALLY

BOLD.

POOR PEOPLE CANNOT AFFORD BOOKS.

>> WELL, THEY'RE RICH IDEAS FOR

THE POOR, BUT POOR PEOPLE STEAL

THINGS.

>> Stephen: OKAY.

SO STEAL THE BOOK.

>> YES, OR GO TO THE LIBRARY.

>> Stephen: I LOVE SOME OF THE

IDEAS I SEE IN THIS BOOK.

>> REALLY?

>>

>> Stephen: ONE OF THEM I LOVE

IS YOU'VE GOT A WHOLE CHAPTER ON

UNRETURNABLE CHRISTMAS GIFTS.

>> YES, IT'S HARD TO RETURN A

GIFT THAT SOMEBODY MADE FOR YOU.

>> Stephen: BECAUSE NO STORE

WOULD TAKE IT.

>> EXACTLY.

>> Stephen: AND IF YOU GIVE IT

BACK TO THEM, THEY KNOW YOU

DIDN'T LIKE IT.

LET'S TALK ABOUT SOME OF THE

THINGS WE CAN DO HERE.

I SEE YOU'VE GOT A COUPLE TIES

OVER HERE.

>> THIS IS SOMETHING NEW.

IT'S CALLED A TIE SNAKE.

AND WHAT YOU DO IS YOU GET HOLD

OF A TIE.

>> Stephen: LIKE THIS ONE.

THIS IS AN UGLY TIE.

>> OH, MERRY CHRISTMAS, STEPHEN.

>> Stephen: THANK YOU.

WHAT DO I DO?

>> YOU GO AROUND TO ALL THE

LAUNDROMATS AND COLLECT DRIER

LENT.

THIS IS ALSO GOOD FOR BIRDS IF

THEY WANT THE MAKE A NEST.

DON'T YOU REGRET PICKING THAT

UP?

>> Stephen: WHAT DO I DO WITH

IT, AIM?

>> YOU STUFF THE NECKTIE, AND

LIKE A TURKEY YOU CAN DO IT BACK

HERE, TOO.

YOU CAN ALSO USE KITTY LITTER.

>> Stephen: YOU STUFF IT RIGHT

IN HERE LIKE A DRUM STICK.

I BELIEVE THIS WAS ORIGINALLY

USED BY RUSH.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

TUCK THAT IN THERE.

>> YOU CAN ALSO USE HAIR, IF YOU

SAVE HAIR FROM YOUR HAIRBRUSH.

>> Stephen: OR YOU SHAVE YOUR

DOG, YOU COULD PUT THAT IN

THERE.

I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE A

COMPLETED ONE IN THERE.

>> I HAVE A COMPLETED ONE.

HIS NAME IS TYSON.

>> OH, THAT IS GREAT.

VERY USEFUL.

YOU COULD...

>> WHAT I DO IS I PUT IT

UNDERNEATH A DOOR SO THE DRAFT

DOESN'T COME THROUGH.

>> STEPHEN: I'VE GOT SOME CRAFTS

OF MY OWN, CAN I SHARE THEM WITH

YOU?

>> THIS IS A GREAT GIFT FOR

KIDS.

YOU TAKE BANANA.

>> WHAT WE DO.

>> Stephen: THEN YOU JUST PUT

A COUPLE OF DROPS OF GLUE.

>> ANY KIND OF GLUE?

>> Stephen: ELMER'S GLUE IS

BEST.

CRAZY GHIEW IS DANGEROUS.

>> OKAY, OKAY.

>> Stephen: TAKE A COUPLE

GOOGLY EYES.

PUT IT ON EITHER SIDE OF THE

BANANA.

>> DO THEY HAVE TO BE THE SAME

SIDE?

>> IF YOU PUT IT ON THE SAME

SIDE, IT LOOK LIKE A FLOUNDER.

IF YOU PUT THEM ON DIFFERENT

SIDES YOU HAVE WHAT I LIKE THE

CALL A DOLPHIN BANANA.

>> CLEVER.

VERY NICE.

>> THEN WHEN YOU EAT IT, YOU CAN

PRETEND YOU'RE PEELING A DOLPHIN

ALIVE.

>> WHICH WE ALL WANT TO DO.

VERY NICE.

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.

WHAT ELSE YOU GOT?

>> I HAVE, WELL, IT'S A BUSY

TIME OF YEAR.

YOU'RE TRYING THE SAVE MONEY.

>> Stephen: AND YOU WANT TO DO

SOMETHING FOR YOUR FRIENDS

AROUND THE OFFICE?

>> HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS GOING

TO SAY THAT?

WHAT YOU DO IS YOU SAVE ALL THE

CRUMBS FROM YOUR COOKIES OR

CAKE, PUT THEM IN THE BAG, KEEP

THEM IN YOUR FEVER FOR A YEAR.

THEN WHEN IT'S TIME FOR THE

OFFICE PARTY, PUT THEM ON A

PLATE WITH A NOTE THAT SAYS

PLEASE ENJOY MY HOMEMADE COOKIE,

AND THEN YOU JUST SEE, YOU KNOW,

PEOPLE COME UP AND THEY'LL

ASSUME, OH, MY GOD, THEY'RE ALL

GONE.

OR YOU'D LIKE TO SAY, HEY,

COLBERT, DID YOU ENJOY MY

HOME-BAKED COOKIES?

YOU'LL SAY, AMY, THAT RED THE

BEST COOKIES YOU EVER MADE.

AND I'LL KNOW YOU'RE LYING, BIG

LIAR, OFF MY LIST.

>> WOW.

A PENNY PINSCHER AND YOU GET TO

JUDGE PEOPLE'S CHARACTER.

EXACTLY.

I GOT ONE MORE FOR YOU.

I DON'T KNOW, I HAVE A LOT OF

JIEWCH FRIENDS, AND I DON'T CARE

WHO KNOWS THAT.

AND THEY GIVE ME... THEY HAVE

HOLIDAY, TOO, WHICH I DID NOT

KNOW.

>> THEY DO.

>> Stephen: THEY HAVE A

HOLIDAY CALLED HANUKKAH AND THEY

GIVE OUT DREIDELS.

AND THEY'RE FUN AND I DON'T KNOW

WHAT TO DO WITH THEM.

I LIKE THE TURN THEM INTO REAL

HOLIDAY TREASURES BY... I TURN

THEM UPSIDE DOWN.

THEY MEAN SOMETHING TO SWRIEWSH

PEOPLE.

THEY JUST DON'T MEAN ANYTHING TO

ME.

THEN YOU PUT THEM UPSIDE DOWN

LIKE THIS IN THAT LITTLE

CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE STAND LIKE

THAT.

>> OH, THAT'S NICE.

>> Stephen: I HAVE A COMPLETED

ONE.

YOU CAN PAINT IT UP AND PUT A

STAR ON TOP AND THERE IS...

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL, IS THAT

NOT?

>> THAT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL.

WOW.

>> Stephen: YOU COULD PUT THAT

IN YOUR NEXT BOOK.

>> I WILL.

IT'S GOING TO BE ON THE COVER.

>> Stephen: AIM YEAR, I

UNDERSTAND THERE IS A CHARITY

THAT IS ABSOLUTELY VERY CLOSE TO

YOUR HEART, AND FOR THE

CHRISTMAS SEASON YOU WOULD LIKE

TO DO A GOOD DEED FOR SOME

CREATURES OUT THERE WHO NEED

YOUR HELP.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

CAN I BORROW YOUR MONITOR?

>> ABSOLUTELY.

PUT THIS DOWN THE PIPE.

>> HELLO, I'M AMY SEDARIS.

THIS WEEKEND AT THE METROPOLITAN

PAVILION IN YC, THERE WILL BE A

PET MARATHON WHERE HUNDREDS OF

CATS AND KITTENS WILL BE

AVAILABLE FOR ONE PERSON ONLY.

>> Stephen: FIRST COME FIRST

SERVE.

>> WHISKERSINWONDERLAND.ORG.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.

>> Stephen: AMY SEDARIS,

EVERYBODY.

CELEBRATE THE SEASON.

THE BOOK IS "SIMPLE

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