Sport Report - Stephen Colbefrajilympic Expealacoverage! - Gymnastics & Swimming

  • Aired:  08/01/12
  •  | Views: 55,686

The Olympic games are about making little foreign girls cry, and China's 16-year-old swimming sensation avoids checking Facebook mid-race. (4:50)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> STEPHEN: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOUS SO MUCH.

I REALLY APPRECIATE IT, FOLKS.

I LOVE GETTING YOUR ENERGY BECAUSE I'M TIRED.

I WAS UP ALL NIGHT WATCHING THE OLYMPICS.

I HAD ALL THE CHANNELS GOING.

I WATCHED THE MEN'S BEACH VOLLEYBALL, THE WOMEN'S CLEAN

AND JERK AND THE MEN'S FOUR BY 100 CHICKEN ROTISSERIE.

MIGHT HAVE BEEN AN INFO MESH SHAL.

I WAS SLEEPY.

BUT THAT CHICKEN TOOK THE GOLDEN BROWN.

LET'S CHECKFD,

WITH MYCOLLEAGUE, ME, THIS IS THE SPORT REPORT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THE SPORT REPORT PRESENTS: NATION, THE OLYMPICS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT ONE THING FOR ME,

FIGHTING OUR ENEMIES IN A FOUR SEAMED PROXY WAR AND LAST NIGHT AMERICA TRIUMPHED IN THE BATTLE

OF THE BULGING CAVES.

>> THE STARTING POINT THE FAB FIVE, EVERYBODY TALKING ABOUT WHAT WAS AN AMAZING NIGHT FOR

THE U.S. WOMEN'S TEAM.

ROUTING THE RUSSIAN, REALLY EVERYBODY P ON THE WAY TO THE GOAD MEDAL.

>> THE U.S. GYMNASTICS TEAM CAPTURING THE HEARTS OF COUNTRY.

>> WHAT A GREAT PERFORMANCE BY THE FAB FIVE, YOU KNOW THEIR NAMES McKAYLA, KYLA, RINGO,

BLITZEN AND SOMETIMES WHY.

A BRILLIANT PERFORMANCE.

WHY I AM JUST TALKING ABOUT.

THIS LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THE CEASE AND DESIST LETTERS I'VE

GOTTEN FROM THE OLYMPICS TELLING ME I CAN'T USE THEIR FOOTAGE.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

I'LL RECREATE McKAYLA MARONEY'S FANTASTIC WINNING VAULT USING THIS DOLL AND SHE'LL

VAULT OVER LET'S SEE THIS TWINKIE ON TWO STICKS.

THERE YOU GO.

THERE SHE GOES.

HERE WE ARE.

ALL RIGHT.

HOP --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND SHE NAILS IT.

IT WAS SOMETHING LIKE THAT EXCEPT OF COURSE THE ACTUAL GYMNASTS ARE SMALLER THAN THIS DOLL.

OF COURSE, THE ATHLETES ARE JUST KIDS, FOLKS.

A PERSPECTIVE NOT LOST ON CNN.

>> THE PERFORMANCE WAS SO GOOD,

SO SOLID AND THEY WON BY SUCH A BIG MARGIN THAT IT WAS THERES AND LEFT THE RUSSIAN AND CHINESE

ON THE SIDELINES IN TEARS.

WELL CON, TEAM U.S.A.

>> STEPHEN: YES, WELL DONE TEAM U.S.A. THIS, IS WHAT THE OLYMPIC GAMES ARE ALL ABOUT,

MAKING LITTLE FOREIGN GIRLS CRY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SPEAKING OF WHICH -- SPEAK OF WHICH THE 16-YEAR-OLD CHINESE SWIMMER AND SUSPICIOUSLY NOT

AMERICAN YE SHE WEN.

HER PERFORMANCE MIGHT HAVE BEEN TOO GOOD.

>> A LOT OF SUSPICIOUS SURROUNDING THE CHINESE SWIMMING SENSATION.

THE 16-YEAR-OLD IS DENYING SHE TOOK PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS TO HELP HER SHATTER A WORLD

RECORD AT THE LONDON GAMES.

ONE U.S. COACH DESCRIBED HER PERFORMANCE AS QUOTE DISTURBING.

>> STEPHEN: YES, DISTURBING.

HOW DID SHE FINISH THE RACE?

SHE'S 16.

HALFWAY THROUGH YOU KNOW SHE CHECKED THEY ARE FACEBOOK PAGE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW IN RESPONSE TO THESE UNFOUNDED ALLEGATIONS ABOUT THE CHINESE, THE CHINESE HAD THE

AUDACITY TO MAKE UNFOUND ALLEGATIONS ABOUT US.

DID WE FORGET TO CALL NO TOUCHBACKS?

[ LAUGHTER ]

A CHINESE DOCTOR HAS ACCUSED MICHAEL PHELPS OF DOPING.

WELL, CHINA, YOU GOT US.

PHELPS WAS DOPING AND HE STILL BEAT YOU.

[ LAUGHTER ]

HE SMOKED THE STICKY ICKY AND THEN HE SMOKED YOUR

Loading...