Delicate Advice for Chen Guangcheng

  • Aired:  04/30/12
  •  | Views: 26,694

Chinese dissident Chen Guangcheng lulls his guards into complacency and escapes from an 18-month house arrest. (5:17)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

GOOD TO SEE YOU HERE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE REPORT, EVERYBODY.

GOOD TO YOU HAVE WITH US,

PLEASE, NATION.

FOLKS, --

>> STEPHEN, STEPHEN,

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

>> Stephen: OKAY, FOLKS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: THANK YOU,

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

YOU MAKE ME SO HAPPY.

WILL YOU MAKE ME THE LUCKIEST HOST IN THE WORLD,

AND BE MY AUDIENCE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: SO, WHEN ARE YOU HAVING KIDS.

NATION, YOU PROBABLY HEARD,

THERE'S A HUGE INTERNATIONAL CRISIS BREWING.

NO, NOT IN SYRIA, WE'RE STILL IGNORING THAT.

(LAUGHTER) THIS TIMES THERE'S BIG TROUBLE IN BIG CHINA.

>> THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION TRYING TO DIFFUSE A DIPLOMATIC CRISIS DEVELOPING

THIS MORNING WITH CHINA.

>> DISSIDENT CHEN GUANGCHENG IS AT THE CENTRE OF ALL THE DRAMA AFTER MAKING HIS

ESCAPE FROM AN 18 MONTH HOUSE ARREST.

HE'S BEEN AT ODDS WITH THE GOVERNMENT SINCE THE '90s.

IS NOW BELIEVED HE'S IN THE PROTECTION OF THE U.S.

EMBASSY IN BEIJING.

>> Stephen: WE GOT CHEN GUANGCHENG!

OR AS I WILL BE CALLING HIM,

ERIC.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: ERIC HERE SAY TOTAL BAD ASS.

THIS DISSIDENT WAS GUARDED BY 90 TO 100 POLICE, SO HE FEIGNED ILLNESS, LULLING HIS

GUARDS INTO COMPLACENCY THEN SLIPPED OUT OF THE HOUSE IN DARKNESS AND SCALED THE WALL

INJURING HIS FOOT JUMPING TO THE GROUND BUT STILL MANAGED TO CROSS A RIVER, THEN RAN

DAY VIEWED WITH FRIENDS WHO DROVE HIM MORE THAN 300 MILES TO THE CAPITAL BEIJING AND HE IS BLIND.

(APPLAUSE) APPARENTLY, APPARENTLY LOSING YOUR SIGHT DOESN'T JUST MAKE YOUR EARS BETTER,

IT MAKES YOUR BALLS BIGGER.

(LAUGHTER) OF COURSE, THIS COMES AS SOMETHING OF A TENSE TIME IN OUR RELATIONSHIP ABOUT CHINA.

AND BY TENSE, I MEAN WE OWE THEM MONEY.

(LAUGHTER) THAT'S WHY WE MUST HANDLE THIS VERY DELICATELY.

AND BY DELICATELY I MEAN, SO MUCH MONEY.

(LAUGHTER) BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, ERIC,

INTERNATIONAL DEBT BE DAMNED.

AMERICA'S LARGEST TRADING PARTNER IS JUST GOING HAVE TO DEAL.

WE ARE A SHINING BEACON OF FREEDOM.

WE'VE GOT TO SHOW THE WORLD WE LIVE UP TO OUR PRINCIPLESES AND WE DON'T

STAND FOR IF THEY DON'T STAND FOR THIS, WE STAND FOR NOTHING.

SO WE MUST FIND THE COURAGE TO SAY TO THIS BRAVE MAN,

HEY, ERIC, YOU MADE IT, THAT IS AWESOME, MAN.

I GUESS YOU HEARD US DECLARING OUR COMMITMENT TO HUMAN RIGHTS.

WE MUST HAVE DECLARED THAT PRETTY LOUD, HUH?

HERE'S THE THING, ORDINARILY WE WOULD BE SO STOKED ABOUT YOU CRASHING WITH US, BUT

THIS ISN'T THE BEST TIME.

(LAUGHTER) 20 YEARS AGO MIDDLE OF THE COLD WAR, OBVIOUSLY.

YOU SEE, JUST THAT NOW WE GOT A LOT GOING ON.

YOU KNOW, A BUNCH OF US ARE UNEMPLOYED SO WE'RE AT HOME A LOT.

AND I JUST THINK WE WOULD BE ON TOP OF EACH OTHER.

PLUS WE'VE GOT KIDS NOW.

AND THEY'RE THE ONE WAS HAVE TO PAY THE CHINESE BACK.

(LAUGHTER) BESIDES, YOU SO MADE YOUR POINT, BUDDY.

EVERYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT YOU AND YOUR WHOLE ISSUE THING.

AND YOU'RE ALL LIKE, I CAN LEAVE CHINA ANY TIME I WANT,

POINT TAKEN.

ONE TO GROW ON.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS INTO HUMAN RIGHTS?

CANADA.

(LAUGHTER) A FANTASTIC COUNTRY.

VANCOUVER IS FULL OF CHINESE PEOPLE.

(LAUGHTER) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) YEAH.

I MEAN YOU CANNOT SWING A CAT UP THERE WITHOUT SOMEONE TRYING TO MAKE A STEW OUT OF IT.

(LAUGHTER) BUT IF YOU, YOU KNOW, IF YOU HAVE TO IF YOU HAVE TO,

LISTEN, MI CASA ES SU CASA,

SPEAKING OF WHICH, YOU HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT MEXICO?

THAT COUNTRY IS ALSO NOT CHINA.

OF COURSE IF YOU ABSOLUTELY WANT TO COME HERE, WE WILL,

OF COURSE, WELCOME WITH YOU OPEN ARMS, END OF STORY.

THANKS FOR WATCHING.

PLEASE TURN OFF THE TV,

PEOPLE IN THE AMERICAN EMBASSY.

GREAT.

OKAY, CHINA, HERE'S THE DEAL-- (LAUGHTER) OKAY, HE'S BLIND, RIGHT.

JUST DRIVE HIM TO THE BEIJING AIRPORT AND PUT HIM ON A PLANE.

LET IT SIT THERE FOR LIKE 19 HOURS WITH A SANDRA BULL OKAY MOVIE ON, SHAKE IT

EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, YOU KNOW, TURBULENCE AND THEN LET HIM OUT, GIVE HIM A

PRETZELS AND URINE AND SAY WELCOME TO NEW YORK.

ALL RIGHT?

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