Colbert Super PAC - Stephen Addresses Colbert Super Nation

  • Aired:  06/30/11
  •  | Views: 69,719

After filing his Super PAC papers, Stephen wades into the crowd with a credit card swiper attached to his iPad like Washington crossing the Delaware to ask it for money. (5:11)

SO

(LAUGHTER)

I HAD WON THE VOTE FOLKS,

BUT I WOULD NOT OFFICIALLY

HAVE A SUPERPAC UNTIL MY

PAPERS FOR THE SUPERPAC WERE

FILED WITH THE SECRETARY OF

THE FEC.

>> NO SUPERPAC YET.

STILL NO SUPERPAC.

NO, OH, IT'S JUST A

HANDSHAKE.

NO SUPERPAC YET.

PAPERWORK'S STILL TO COME.

AND SUPERPAC!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY

MUCH.

NEWLY AND SUPERPACKED T WAS

TIME TO HEAD OUTSIDE AND

ADDRESS THE COLBERT

SUPERNATION.

HELLO, NATION.

>> HELLO!

>> STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

>> Stephen: I AM HERE TO

REPRESENT YOUR VOICE.

SO PLEASE QUIET DOWN SO WE

CAN ALL HEAR WHAT YOU HAVE

TO SAY WITH MY MOUTH.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: FILL OWE

AMERICANS, LADIES AND YES,

SUPPORTERS, FRIENDS, AND

FEDERAL EMPLOYEES WITH

EXTREMELY GENEROUS LUNCH

BREAK POLICIES, 60 DAYS AGO

TODAY, ON THIS VERY SPOT A

YOUNG MAN PETITIONED THE FEC

FOR PERMISSION TO FORM A

SUPERPAC TO RAISE UNLIMITED

MONIES AND USE THE MONEYS TO

DETERMINE THE WINNERS OF THE

2012 ELECTIONS.

CAN ANYONE TELL ME --

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: CAN ANYONE TELL

ME WHO THAT YOUNG MAN WAS.

IT WAS ME.

NOW SOME PEOPLE HAVE

CYNICALLY ASKED IS THIS SOME

KIND MUCH JOKE?

WELL, I FOR ONE DON'T THINK

THAT PARTICIPATING IN DEM

OBLING -- DEMOCRACY IS A

JOKE.

I DON'T THINK THAT WANTING

TO KNOW WHAT THE RULES ARE

IS A JOKE.

BUT I DO HAVE ONE FEDERAL

ELECTION LAW JOKE IF YOU

WOULD LIKE TO HEAR IT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: KNOCK, KNOCK.

>> WHO'S THERE?

>> Stephen: UNLIMITED UNIONS

AND CORPORATE CAMPAIGN

CONTRIBUTIONS.

>> Stephen: UNLIMITED UNIONS

AND CORPORATE CONTRIBUTIONS

WHO?

>> Stephen: THAT'S THE

THING.

I DON'T THINK I SHOULD HAVE

TO TELL YOU.

(LAUGHTER)

OF COURSE, THERE WILL BE

OTHERS WHO SAY STEPHEN

COLBERT, WHAT WILL YOU DO

WITH THAT UNRESTRICTED

SUPERPAC MONEY.

TO WHICH I SAY, I DON'T

KNOW.

GIVE IT TO ME AND LET'S FIND

OUT.

SINCE I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,

BUT I DO NOT ACCEPT LIMITS

ON MY FREE SPEECH.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT

I DO NOT ACCEPT THE STATUS

QUO.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

BUT I DO ACCEPT VISA,

MASTERCARD AND AMERICAN

EXPRESS.

(LAUGHTER)

THANK YOU.

GOD BLESS AMERICA.

AND FOR EIGHT YETS OUT THERE,

GUESS UNDER HEIGHT, THE

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, WE

DID IT.

>> I AM A SUPERPAC AND SO

CAN YOU!

>> THEN LIKE WASHINGTON

CROSSING THE DELAWARE TO ASK

IT FOR MONEY, I WADED INTO

THE CROWD WITH A CREDIT CARD

SWIPER ATTACHED TO MY IPAD.

>> THAT'S IT.

THANK YOU.

JUST THROW IT OUT, BALL IT

UP AND THROW IT AT ME.

THANK YOU.

FOLKS, I WANT TO THANK ALL

THOSE PEOPLE WHO SWIPED

THEIR CARDS IN THE RIGHT

SLOT TODAY.

AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO

SWIPED IT IN THE WRONG SLOT,

THANK YOU EVEN MORE.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: NOW YOU TOO, YOU,,

NATION, OUT THERE CAN BE

PART OF HISTORY BY LOGGING

ON TO MY BRAND-NEW WEB SITE

COLBERT SUPERPAC.COM.

WE WEREN'T ALLOWED TO KEEP

THE E-MAIL ADDRESSES WE

COLLECTED FROM COLBERT PAC.COM

BECAUSE THEY REMAIN THE

PROPERTY OF VIACOM.COM SO

SIGN UP AGAIN BUT I ASSURE

YOU, THAT THOSE 130,000

E-MAILS WE COLLECTED LAST

TIME WILL NOT GO TO WASTE.

THEY'RE BEING SOLD TO A

CHINESE CYBERCRIME SYNDICATE.

AND FOLKS, YOU'LL BE GETTING

AN E-MAIL REMINDING YOU TO

SWITCH TO COLBERT SUPERPAC

RIGHT -- NOW.

AND WHEN YOU SIGN UP, YOU

WILL GET THIS PERSONAL FORM

LETTER OF THANKS FROM ME.

IT IS SUITABLE FOR PRINTING

OUT AND FRAMING IF YOU HAVE

A FRAME.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: PLEASE DONATE,

NATION.

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SPELL

DONATION WITHOUT NATION AND

DOUGH.

(LAUGHTER)

WE ARE GOING TO FIX AMERICA

TOGETHER!

WE WILL BUILD A BETTER

TOMORROW, TOMORROW.

LITERALLY.

I CAN'T BUILD IT TODAY.

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