The Word - Raise Cain

  • Aired:  01/16/12
  •  | Views: 36,306

South Carolina's locked ballot means that Stephen can't get on and Herman Cain can't get off, but Colbert supporters can still send a message. (4:28)

>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.

WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY,

THANK YOU.

FOLKS, ARE YOU GOING SPOIL

ME, FOLKS.

MY EXPLORATORY COMMITTEE FOR

A POTENTIAL PRESIDENTIAL

CANDIDACY IN SOUTH CAROLINA

IS ON THE GLIDE RAIL TO

GLORY.

THERE'S ONLY ONE THING

KEEPING US FROM GRABBING

THAT GREASED PIG OF VICTORY,

JIM.

>> THERE IS NO WAY FOR

COLBERT TO GET ON THE BALLOT

RIGHT NOW.

THEY GO NOT ALLOW WRITE INS

IN SOUTH CAROLINA.

>> YOU CAN'T GET ON THE

BALLOT THERE IS NO WRITE-IN

SPACE.

HE CAN'T EVEN RUN.

>> FORTUNATELY FOR STEPHEN

COLBERT THIS WILL BE TOUGH.

GUESS WHAT, SOUTH CAROLINA

DOESN'T HAVE A PROVISION IN

THE PRIMARIES FOR PRESIDENT

TO BE A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE.

>> Stephen: FOLKS, THEY'RE

KEEPING ME OFF THE BALLOT,

ON THE TECHNICALITY-- INDEED.

THEY'RE KEEPING ME OFF ON

THE TECHNICALITY THAT I'M

TWO AND A HALF MONTHS LATE

TO FILE.

FINE, SPLIT HAIRS.

BUT NO WRITE-INS?

THAT'S ANTI-FREEDOM.

AS AN AMERICAN I BELIEVE WE

SHOULD HAVE THE RIGHT TO PUT

ANYONE'S NAME WE WANT, EVEN

IF THAT PERSON IS A COMPLETE

WASTE OF YOUR VOTE.

SLEEPY, DOPEY, PERRY, YOU

NAME IT.

(APPLAUSE)

BUT FOLKS, BEING ABLE TO

WRITE IN WHOEVER YOU WANT

THAT'S JUST FREEDOM.

AND DRAWING UP IN

SOUTH-- GROWING NEWSPAPER

SOUTH CAROLINA I WAS TAUGHT

THAT FREEDOM WAS WHY WE

STARTED THE CIVIL WAR.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, FINE, YOU

PLAY YOUR GAME.

I DON'T WANT TO BE ON THE

BALLOT ANYWAY.

I'M JUST EXFLOOR-- EXPLORING

HOW MUCH HUNGER THERE IS OUT

THERE FOR A POTENTIAL

STEPHEN COLBERT CAMPAIGN.

THE PROBLEM IS HOW DO YOU

GAUGE IF PEOPLE WANT TO VOTE

FOR YOU IN A STATE WHERE

YOUR NAME IS NOT ON THE

BALLOT?

THAT'S A PICKLE, FOLKS.

AND IT BRINGS US TO

TONIGHT'S WORD.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

RAISE CAIN.

NOW FOLKS, THE BALLOT IN

SOUTH CAROLINA IS LOCKED.

THAT MEANS I CAN'T GET ON.

BUT BEING LOCKED ALSO MEANS

THAT FORMER CANDIDATE HERMAN

CAIN CAN'T GET OFF.

AND FOLKS, I HAVE NEVER,

EVER, I HAVE NEVER MADE A

SECRET OF MY ADMIRATION FOR

MY MAIN MAN HERRMANN.

>> THE COLE BERTS SUPERPAC

OFFICIALLY ENDORSES HERMAN

CAIN FOR PRESIDENT.

WHOOO!

GET ON THE HERMAN CAIN

TRAIN.

I LOVE IT BECAUSE IT RHYMES.

AND IT'S MUCH CATCHIER THAN

STEP ON INTO THE RON PAUL

SHOWER STALL.

CAIN UNDERSTANDS DOMESTIC

ISSUES BECAUSE HE HAD

SPECIOUS SELLING PIZZA.

AND HE UNDERSTANDS

INTERNATIONAL ISSUES BECAUSE

PIZZA IS ITALIAN.

NOW FOLKS I SHARE SO MANY OF

CAIN'S VALUES.

I AM A HUGE SUPPORTER OF

BOTH OPPORTUNITY ZONES AND

PIZZA.

NOW BECAUSE CAIN AND RI SO

SIMILAR, I THINK THAT IF

THIS SATURDAY HERMAN CAIN

WERE TO GET A SIGNIFICANT

NUMBER OF VOTES, THAT WOULD

BE A SIGN THAT VOTERS ARE

HUNGRY.

HUNGRY, HUNGRY FOR A STEPHEN

COLBERT CAMPAIGN.

NOW LIKE CAIN I'M AN

OUTSIDER.

AND I KNOW MY APPEAL IS

BROADER THAN JUST THE

REPUBLICANS.

LUCKILY SOUTH CAROLINA HAS

ALWAYS WELCOMED OUTSIDERS.

YOU SEE, THE THING IS-- MY

HOME STATE, MY HOME STATE

HAS WHAT'S CALLED AN OPEN

PRIMARY.

WHICH MEANS TO VOTE, YOU

DON'T HAVE TO BE A

REPUBLICAN.

ANYBODY WHO SHARES MY VALUES

CAN SHOW IT BY VOTING FOR

HERMAN CAIN.

THAT'S A WIN-WIN.

THAT MEANS-- THAT MEANS

INDEPENDENCE, DEMOCRATS,

COLLEGE KIDS, VIEWERS OF MY

SHOW, PEOPLE WHO ATTENDED MY

RALLY, MY TWITTER FOLLOWERS,

MY GOOD FRIENDS ON READ IT,

YOUNG PEOPLE OF THE INTERNET,

STAND UP AND SHOUT.

BECAUSE YOU SEE, YOU ARE ALL

LEGALLY ELIGIBLE TO GO DOWN

TO THE POLLS AND TELL THE

WORLD HOW MUCH YOU LOVE

HERMAN CAIN.

BECAUSE, FOLKS IF OUR

MESSAGE IS GOING TO BE TAKEN

SERIOUSLY WE'RE GOING TO

HAVE TO DO MORE THAN JUST

RAISE MONEY AND RAISE

AWARENESS.

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO RAISE

CAIN.

Loading...