Stephen Appears in the New York Times Crossword Puzzle

  • Aired:  10/26/10
  •  | Views: 44,400

Stephen fills in the New York Times crossword puzzle with stuff about himself every day, and this time it actually works. (3:30)

NATION, YOU KNOW, NATION, THERE

ARE SO, SO MANY DIFFERENT TYPES

OF AMERICANS COME TOGETHER TO

MAKE THIS NATION GREAT.

SOME PEOPLE ARE DOCTORS.

SOME PEOPLE ARE LAWYERS.

SOME PEOPLE ARE PUNDITS.

SOME PEOPLE ARE DIESEL

TECHNICIANS.

( LAUGHTER )

AND THOSE PEOPLE, THOSE PEOPLE

ARE THE ONES THAT KEEP THIS

NATION CHUGGING ALONG.

I SALUTE YOU.

AS YOU KNOW, THEY'RE ALSO VERY

NEEDY PEOPLE.

THEY ARE EASILY HURT.

( LAUGHTER )

YOU TAKE THE BAD WITH THE GOOD.

AS YOU ALL KNOW, WE ARE JUST

FOUR DAYS AWAY FROM MY AND THAT

OTHER I GUY'S RALLY ON THE

NATIONAL MALL IN WASHINGTON,

D.C.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

YEAH.

AND IF YOU HAVE NOT BOOKED YOUR

PLANE TICKET YET, GET WALKING

AND BRING A TENT BECAUSE THE

HOTELS ARE BOOKED AND,

UNFORTUNATELY, THE DEMOCRATS'

OFFICES WON'T BE VACANT UNTIL

NEXT WEEK.

EVERYONE, EVERYONE IS GETTING

EXCITED ABOUT THE RALLY,

INCLUDING THE MAINSTREAM PRESS.

WE ARE HEAVILY FEATURED IN

TODAY'S "THE NEW YORK TIMES"

RIGHT HERE.

IT'S NOT THE FRONT PAGE OR THE

BUSINESS PAGES AND NOT EVEN IN

PAUL KRUGMAN'S KIDZ KORNER WHICH

TODAY IS "COLOR IN THIS PICTURE

OF JOHN MAYNARD KEYNES AGAIN."

NO, I'M IN THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS

LOCATION, PAGE C-4 IN THE "NEW

YORK TIMES" CROSS WORD PUZZLE,

RIGHT THERE, DADD-O.

FOLKS, THIS IS AMAZING.

EVERY DAY I FILL IN THE "TIMES"

CROSSWORD WITH STUFF ABOUT ME...

( LAUGHTER )

AND THIS TIME, THIS TIME IT

ACTUALLY WORKS.

SEE, YOU'VE GOT THAT.

SEE RIGHT HERE, RIGHT HERE, ONE,

LIKE ONE RIGHT THERE, ONE AND 17

ACROSS IS "RALLY TO RESTORE

SANITY."

AND 54, SEE 54 AND 65 ARE "MARCH

TO KEEP FEAR ALIVE."

DOWN HERE.

AND HERE'S MY NAME RIGHT THERE.

AND THERE'S EVEN SOME GOOD

ADVICE FOR SATURDAY RIGHT HERE,

"AVOID RIOT."

( LAUGHTER )

I JUST WANT TO SAY TO "NEW YORK

TIMES" CROSSWORD EDITOR WILL

SHORTZ, WHERE'S MY CUT, WILL?

YOU'RE SELLING PUZZLES USING MY

RALLY, AND DADDY WANTS A LITTLE

TASTE OF THAT SWEET, SWEET

CROSSWORD CASH.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

OKAY?

DON'T MAKE ME PUT MY RINGS ON.

AND UNTIL I SEIZE IT, WILL, TWO

CAN PLAY AT THAT GAME.

THAT IS WHY, WILL SHORTZ, I HAVE

STARTED SELLING MY NEW LEGAL

SERVICES GARMENT -- WILL SHORTS.

IT'S A PAIR OF ALL-COTTON BOXERS

WITH LAST WILL AND TESTMENT

PRINTED RIGHT ON IT.

OKAY.

YOU JUST FILL IN THE BLANK.

NOW IF YOU GET HIT BY A CAR, NOT

ONLY WILL YOU HAVE ON CLEAN

UNDERWEAR, BUT EVERYONE WILL

KNOW WHO WILL INHERIT YOUR "LORD

OF THE RINGS" PINBALL MACHINE.

ONE OTHER THING, WILL