Monkey on the Lam - Macaque Attack - 1,381 Days of Simian Terror in Tampa

  • Aired:  01/15/13
  •  | Views: 28,140

When sightings of a hairy humanoid cat-like squirrel beast continued to pile up, Tampa officials knew it was time to call in The Monkey Hunters. (8:03)

[ LAUGHTER ]

MORE ON THIS IF I HAVE TO RELEASE THE TAPES!

NATION, BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER, I WANT TO WARN YOU: THE FOLLOWING SEGMENT FEATURES

GRAPHIC DEPICTION OF MONKEY.

DANGEROUS PRIMATES ARE NOTHING NEW IN THIS COUNTRY, GOING BACK TO THE FAMED SCOPES MONKEY

TRIAL, IN WHICH A MONKEY WAS TRIED FOR SHOOTING CHARLES DARWIN USING A HIGH-POWERED

RIFLE SCOPE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SINCE THEN, THE NATIONAL MONKEY THREAT LEVEL HAS STAYED AS RED AS A BABOON'S ASS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SO I HAVE STAYED COMMITTED TO INFORMING YOU ABOUT THOSE THREATS IN MY CRITICALLY-ACKNOWLEDGED SEGMENT

"MONKEY ON THE LAM."

[ LAUGHTER ]

FOUR YEARS AGO TONIGHT, I WARNED YOU ABOUT "THE MYSTERY MONKEY OF TAMPA BAY." THE MYSTERY BEING: WHY WOULD

ANYBODY, EVEN A MONKEY, CHOOSE TO LIVE IN TAMPA?

[ LAUGHTER ]

WELL, THIS OCTOBER AUTHORITIES FINALLY NABBED THIS COLD-BLOODED MAMMAL.

TONIGHT WE TAKE YOU BEHIND THE SCENES IN A COLBERT REPORT EXCLUSIVE BECAUSE NO OTHER NEWS

ORGANIZATION EVEN ASKED.

[ LAUGHTER ]

JIM?

WE NEVER KNOW WHERE DANGER LURKS.

IT COULD BE DOWN THAT DARK ALLEY OR HIDING OUTSIDE THE WINDOW.

AND IF YOU ARE IN TAMPA, FLORIDA, IT CAN EVEN BE IN THE TREES.

>> FOR THREE YEARS, POLICE HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS MONKEY THAT IS BELIEVED TO HAVE

WANDERED OFF A RESERVE 100 MILES FROM TAMPA.

>> HE HAS BEEN BACK HERE IN MY TREE.

AND HE WILL START TO SHAKE THE TREE.

>> Stephen: TONIGHT A STEPHEN COLBERT SPECIAL REPORT: MONKEY ON THE LAM, EXTRA INVESTIGATION.

1381 DAYS OF TERROR IN TAMPA.

DON McBRIDE WAS ONE OF EARLIEST EYE WITNESSES.

>> I WAS IN A FAMILY ROOM EARLY ON A SUNDAY MORNING AND I LOOKED OUT AND HE WAS ON THE BIRD

FEEDER TAKE OUT NUTS AND BIRDSEED.

HE LOOKED BACK THROUGH THE WINDOW AT ME AND I WAS STARTLED.

>> THIS MONKEY WAS INTERESTED IN MORE THAN JUST DON'S NUTS.

THERE WERE SIGHTINGS ALL OVER PINELLAS COUNTY.

>> THIS MONKEY WAS EVERYWHERE AND I WOULD SAY PROBABLY THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE SAW THIS MONKEY.

>> EMILY WAS THE TAMPA BAY TIMES MONKEY BUREAU CHIEF.

SHE HELPED AUTHORITIES PIECE TOGETHER A PORTRAIT OF THE FUGITIVE.

>> PEOPLE DESCRIBED HIM AS A SQUIRREL OR MAYBE LIKE A CAT.

>> BROWN FUR.

SORT OF A LIGHT PATCH IN THE FRONT.

>> CARRIED ARMS AND SHARP TEETH.

HE WAS SCARY LOOKING.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AS SIGHTINGS PILED UP OFFICIALS KNEW IT WAS TIME TO CALL IN THE MONKEY HUNTER.

THROUGHOUT MY LIFETIME OF DOING THIS I TRACKED DOWN HUNDREDS OF MONKEY.

VERNONATES IS A PROFESSIONAL ANIMAL TRACKER.

HE JOINED FORCES WITH LOCAL VETERINARIAN DON WOODMANth FOR A VETERINARIAN WHOP SPENDS MOST

OF HIS TIME IN THE OFFICE GIVING VACCINATIONS TO CATS AND DOGS, CHASING A MONKEY IS REALLY EXCITING.

>> HE BRINGS THE MEDICAL PORTION TO THE TABLE AND I BRING THE EXPERIENCE AND ALMOST

STIEWMEDITY THAT I WOULD GRAB ALMOST ANY ANIMAL WITH MY HANDS AND HANG ON TO HIM.

>> Stephen: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU GRAB THIS MONKEY ON THE LOOSE IS ONE LOOSE MONKEY.

>> THE FEAR WAS THE MONKEY HAD HERP YEZ.

>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT, HERP YEZHERPES.

WHICH BEGS THE QUESTION WHO IS (bleep) OUR MONKEY.

THIS WOULD CAUSE MINOR COLD SORES IN MONKEYS.

>> Stephen: SO NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

>> BUT FIT GETS INTO PEOPLE IT COULD CAUSE THE BRAIN TISSUE TO MELT.

>> Stephen: OKAY.

THAT'S BAD.

BUT FOR THE NEXT THREE AND A HALF YEARS DON AND VERNON FOUND THEMSELVES CONTINUOUSLY MACA KBLOCKED.

THIS IS THE HARDEST MONKEY TO CAPTURE.

>> WE'VE TRACKED HUNDREDS OF MONKEYS AND NONE OF THEM THAT PULL THE CHALLENGE LIKE THIS ONE.

I'LL GIVE HIM CREDIT KNOWING HOW TO CROSS LOADS, STAYING OUT OF POWER LINES.

I GIVE HIM ALL THE CREDIT IN THE WORLD FOR BEING EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT.

>> Stephen: A CRIMINAL MASTERMIND WITH A TOLERANCE FOR DRUGS.

>> I HIT HIM WITH A DART WITH ENOUGH DRUGS TO TAKE DOWN A LINEBACKER HE PULLED IT OUT AND

KEPT GOING.

>> Stephen: THE MONKEY CONTINUED HIS REIN OF TERROR TAKING ANOTHER SWIPE AT THIS

GUY'S NUTS.

>> I HAD MY CAMERA CLOSE TO THE DOOR.

I PICKED IT UP AND I WAS READY.

>> Stephen: WHEN TAMPA RESIDENTS SAW THE FOUNDED OUT OF THIS HOUNDED MACACK THEY FOUND

THEMSELVES LOCK INTO THE MIRROR AS WELL.

>> THE FIRST TIME PEOPLE SAW THE MONKEY AS BEING KIND OF LONELY AND ON HIS OWN.

AND IT WAS A SAD PHOTO.

THIS WAS A MONKEY LOOKING FOR A FRIEND.

>> Stephen: AREN'T WE ALL.

PERHAPS IT WAS TIME TO FINALLY LET THE MONKEY ROAM FREE.

JUST LOOK AT HIM.

WHAT IS THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN.

>> MYSTERY MONKEY IS NOW ATTACKING PEOPLE.

>> PROCEEDED TO BITE ME AND I SWUNG HIM OFF.

BUT HE IS STILL COMING TO MY WINDOW AND LOCKING FOR ME.

>> Stephen: THE BEAST WAS OUT OF CONTROL.

IF THE MONKEY HUNTERS WERE GOING TO SAVE TAMPA IT WAS NOW OR NEVER.

WE HAD OUR BANANAS OUT.

HE GOT TO TO A CLEARING WHERE I HAD A SHOT.

SHOT.

>> I SAID I WOULD GET HIM AND I FINALLY GOT HIM.

>> Stephen: AFTER FOUR YEARS OF TERROR IT WAS TIME FOR THIS MONKEY TO FACE THE MUSIC.

>> WE'RE GOING TO SEND HIM TO A WILDLIFE SAINGTARY WHERE HE COULD HOPEFULLY FROM FEMALE

MONKEY COMPANIONSHIP.

>> FOR THIS THING TO GOOD ON, IT CREATED ALL KINDS OF ANGER WHERE YOU ALMOST DON'T GIVE A DAMN AND

SAY EVENTUALLY I'LL GET HIM BECAUSE MY HEART AND SOUL WENT INTO CATCHING HIM.

>> Stephen: THANK YOU, VERNON.

THANK YOU FOR FOUR WONDERFUL YEARS OF MONKEY HUNTING.

BECAUSE OF YOU AND DR. WOODMAN, THE PEOPLE OF TAMPA WILL NEVER LIVE IN MONKEY FEAR AGAIN.

>> THEY MAY HAVE CAUGHT THIS MONKEY BUT I'VE SEEN THE MONKEY.

I FOLLOWED THE MONKEY.

I HAVE WRITTEN LOTS OF STORIES ABOUT THE MONKEY.

THIS MONKEY COULD ESCAPE AND GET OUT AGAIN.