Paul Revere's Famous Ride

  • Aired:  06/06/11
  •  | Views: 392,450

Stephen proves that Paul Revere could have ridden a horse while ringing a bell and firing multiple warning shots from a front-loading musket. (6:18)

APP FOR THAT.

NATION, IF YOU ARE'S

ANYTHING LIKE ME, FIRST OF

ALL, CONGRATULATIONS.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT-- IF YOU ARE'S LIKE ME,

IF YOU ARE'S LIKE ME YOU

HAVE BEEN CAPTIVATED BY

SARAH PALIN'S ONGOING PAC

FUNDED VACATIONESQUE

NONCAMPAIGN HISTORY MOBILE

TOUR.

FOLKS, THE ENTIRE TOUR IS

JUST TO RAISE AWARENESS

ABOUT AMERICA'S GREAT

HISTORY.

SO FAR SHE'S LIVED UP TO HER

PROMISE BY VISITING GETTIES

BURG, THE LIBERTY BELL AND

THE ALEXANDER HAMILTON

SERVICE AREA OF THE NEW

JERSEY TURNPIKE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: IT'S WHERE

HAMILTON FAMOUSLY SWORE HE

WOULD NEVER EAT AT ROY

ROGERS AGAIN.

(LAUGHTER)

NOW LAST FRIDAY PALIN

VISITED THE OLD NORTH CHURCH

IN BOSTON TO RAISE AWARENESS

OF PAUL REVERE'S FAMOUS

RIDE.

>> HE WHO WARNED US, THE

BRITISH, THAT THEY WEREN'T

GOING TO BE TAKING AWAY OUR

ARMS BY RINGING THOSE BELLS

AND MAKING SURE AS HE IS

RIDIN' HIS HORSE THROUGH

TOWN TO SEND THOSE WARNIN

SHOTS AND BELLS THAT WE WERE

GOING TO BE SECURE AND WE

WERE GONEA BE FREE.

>> Stephen: YES, IT'S JUST

LIKE WE ALL LEARNED IN GRADE

SCHOOL, ONE IF BY LAND,

BELLS IF BY TWO, HEY BRITISH

YOU'RE WARNED, SAIL THE

OCEAN BLUE.

OF COURSE THE LAMESTREAM

MEDIA JUMPED ALL OVER PALIN

ON THE TECHNICALITY THAT

PAUL REVERE NEVER RANG ANY

BELLS OR FIRED ANY WARNING

SHOTS.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN PALIN

WASN'T RAISING AWARENESS OF

HISTORY.

WITHOUT HER, NO ONE WOULD

HAVE CHECK MOOD WHAT

ACTUALLY HAPPENED.

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, IT DID

HAPPEN.

>> YOU REALIZE THAT YOU

MESSED UP ABOUT PAUL REVERE,

DON'T YOU?

>> YOU KNOW WHAT, I DIDN'T

MESS UP ABOUT PAUL REVERE.

HERE'S WHAT PAUL REVERE DID.

HE WARNED THE AMERICANS THAT

THE BRITISH WERE COMING, THE

BRITISH WERE COMING AND THEY

WERE GOING TO TRY TO TAKE

OUR ARMS SO WE GOT TO MAKE

SURE THAT WE WERE PROTECTING

OURSELVES.

AND SHORING UP ALL OF OUR

AMMUNITIONS AND OUR FIREARMS

SO THAT THEY COULDN'T TAKE

IT PART OF HIS RIDE WAS TO

WARN THE BRITISH THAT WERE

ALREADY THERE THAT HEY,

YOU'RE TO THE GOING TO

SUCCEED.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TAKE

AMERICAN ARMS.

ARE YOU NOT GOING TO BEAT

OUR OWN WELL-ARMED PERSONS,

INDIVIDUAL PRIVATE MILITIA

THAT WE HAVE.

>> Stephen: I COULD NOT HAVE

SAID A RANDOM STRING OF

WORDS BETTER.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

AND FOLKS, GIVE IT UP, GIVE

IT UP.

FOLKS, TO PROVE PALIN WAS

RIGHT ALL ALONG, HER

SUPPORTERS WENT ON WIKIPEDIA

THIS WEEKEND AND EDITED PAUL

REVERE'S PAGE TO ACCURATELY

REFLECT HER VERSION OF THE

STORY.

WELL THAT SETTLES IT FOR ME,

FOLKS.

I GET ALL MY HISTORICAL

INFORMATION FROM WIKIPEDIA,

JUST AS BEACH VOLLEYBALL

INVENTOR ALBERT EINSTEIN DID.

NOW UNFORTUNATELY,

UNFORTUNATELY THE HARD-CORE

FACT ADDICTS AT WIKIPEDIA

HAVE UNDONE THE CHANGES AND

LOCKED PAUL REVERE'S PAGE.

WHICH IS WHY I WANT ALL OF

YOU TO GO TO THE WIKIPEDIA

PAGE FOR BELLS AND MAKE SURE

IT READS, BELLS, USED BY

PAUL REVERE TO WARN THE

BRITISH THAT HEY, YOU'RE NOT

GOING TO SUCCEED IN TAKING

OUR GUNS, USA, USA!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

USA!

USA!

USA LAM USA!

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.

I HOPE WE CAN CAPTURE THAT

IN PRINT.

IN FACT, IN FACT, FOLKS,

BELLS AND WARNING SHOTS HAVE

BEEN KEPT OUT OF OUR HISTORY

BOOKS FOR FAR TOO LONG.

WE'RE NEGLECTING TO TEACH

OUR CHILDREN ABOUT THE GREAT

AMERICAN TRADITION OF

WARNING OUR ENEMIES THAT WE

ARE ABOUT TO ATTACK THEM.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: WHO CAN FORGET

WHEN GENERAL EISENHOWER

KNOCKED ON HITLER'S DOOR AND

SAID HEY, ADOLF WE'RE

LANDING AT NORMANDY, HERE'S

A WARNING SHOT, DING DONG

YOU BASTARD.

AND THEN OUR BOYS STORMED

THE BEACH AT NORMANDY WITH

BELLS AROUND THEIR NECKS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: DIDN'T SEE THAT

IN SAVING PRIVATE RYAN.

AND FOR THOSE WHO SAY IT IS

IMPLAUSIBLE FOR REVERE TO

HAVE RIDDEN A HORSE WHILE

RINGING A BELL AND FIRING

MULTIPLE WARNING SHOTS FROM

A FRONT LOADING MUSS KET,

ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS,

PREPARE TO EAT HISTORICAL

REENACTMENTS.

HERE WE GO.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

YES, ALL RIGHT OKAY.

OKAY, GOT THAT RIGHT THERE.

THERE YOU GO.

JUST LIKE THAT.

SEE, I GOT MY POWDER

MAGAZINE.

ACTUALLY TWO DIFFERENT TYPES

OF POWDER.

OKAY.

PUT THAT IN THERE.

OKAY.

I GOT MY MUSKET.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

GET IN THERE GET IN THERE.

OKAY.

FIRST WE INSERT A FARTING TO

ACCURATELY-- A FARTHING.

HEY, HEY BRITISH!

YOU, YOU THE BRITISH ARE

COMING, HERE'S A WARNING

SHOT.

OKAY.

NOW TO WARN THE NEXT TOWN

THE BRITISH, THAT THEY ARE

ON THEIR WAY, I JUST HAVE TO

RELOAD, JUST HAVE TO-- .

(LAUGHTER)

OKAY.

THAT'S GOOD.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: STOP, STOP, STOP!

STOP, I CERTAINLY HOPE PAUL

REVERE WAS WEARING HIS CUP.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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