Americone Dream of the Future

  • Aired:  11/09/11
  •  | Views: 39,167

Dippin' Dots files for bankruptcy, leaving a gap in the future-dessert continuum that only Americone Dream can fill. (5:24)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> STEPHEN: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY.

THANKS SO MUCH.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

NATION, I LOVE DESSERT.

THAT'S WHY I ALWAYS EAT IT

FIRST, AS A REWARD FOR THE SALAD

I CAN'T FINISH BECAUSE I'M

ALREADY FULL.

BUT THERE'S A SPECIAL PLACE IN

MY HEART FOR DIPPIN' DOTS, THE

DELICIOUS DESSERT PELLET CREATED

BY FLASH-FREEZING DROPS OF ICE

CREAM BATTER IN LIQUID NITROGEN.

AT LAST, WE'VE FULFILLED OUR

DREAM OF A DESSERT THAT LOOKS

LIKE CARE BEAR SCAT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THAT'S WHY I WAS SO DEVASTATED

TO HEAR THAT DIPPIN' DOTS HAS

FILED FOR BANKRUPTCY.

THIS IS A DISASTER, FOLKS.

DIPPIN' DOTS WAS "THE ICE CREAM

OF THE FUTURE."

IF DIPPIN' DOTS IS IN THE PAST,

WE NOW LIVE IN SOME BIZARRE

POST-FUTURE TIME-SCAPE.

NATION, THIS LEAVES A GAP IN THE

FUTURE-DESSERT CONTINUUM.

WHAT WILL WE EAT IN THE FUTURE

NOW?

HOVER PIE?

TIRAMISU ON A MONORAIL?

HEISENBERG'S UNCERTAINTY

POPSICLE?

[ LAUGHTER ]

SOMEONE NEEDS TO TAKE DIPPIN

DOTS' PLACE AS THE ICE CREAM OF

THE FUTURE.

I RECOMMEND STEPHEN COLBERT'S

AMERICONE DREAM.

CHAWSES OF.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

MMMMM MMMMM NOW, FOLKS, --

FOLKS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

UNFORTUNATELY, I'VE BEEN SHAKEN

BY SOME TERRIBLE NEWS FROM

JERRY OF BEN AND JERRY'S DURING

HIS RECENT SLUMMING ON JIMMY

FALLON:

>> WELCOME YOU GUYS.

THANK YOU FOR OUR OWN FLAVOR

THE BIG ISSUE EVERYONE IS

TALKING ABOUT -- IS IT

OUTSELLING STEPHEN COLBERT'S ICE

CREAM?

>> THE FLAVOR IS DOING REALLY,

REALLY WELL-- BUT THE SHORT

ANSWER IS YES, IT'S OUTSELLING

STEPHEN'S ICE CREAM.

>> YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

>> Stephen: HOW IS THIS

POSSIBLE?!

MY ICE CREAM IS DELICIOUS.

AND JIMMY'S IS-- WELL, I DON'T

WANT TO CRAP ON JIMMY'S ICE

CREAM BECAUSE THAT WOULD IMPROVE

THE FLAVOR.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THESE SALES FIGURES WERE HARD

ENOUGH TO TAKE.

BUT THEN JIMMY SANK TO A NEW

LOW.

>> I MADE ANOTHER GREAT STRIDE

IN MY ICE CREAM FLAVOR SUPREMACY

OVER MY ETERNAL ENEMY FOR SIX

MONTHS, STEPHEN COLBERT.

WE CAME UP WITH A CONTEST WHERE

YOU CAN SEND PHOTOS OF ALL THE

DISGUSTING THINGS YOU CAN DO

WITH COLBERT'S ICE CREAM BESIDES

EAT IT.

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT, JIMMY.

[AUDIENCE REACTS]

I'LL DO SOMETHING WITH MY ICE

CREAM OTHER THAN EAT IT.

I WILL USE IT TO CRUSH YOU!

I WILL PROVE THAT MINE IS THE

ICE CREAM OF THE FUTURE!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

ARE YOU READY?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE

WELCOME FROM THE PHYSICS

DEPARTMENT AT ITHACA COLLEGE,

DR. MATTHEW C. SULLIVAN AND THE

QUANTUM LEVITATOR!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THIS SAY QUANTUM LEAVATION

DEVICE, CORRECT.

>> IT IS INDEED

>> Stephen: NATION, AS I'M SURE

YOU KNOW, "QUANTUM LEVITATION"

REFERS TO THE PHENOMENON WHEREBY

THE MAGNETIC FLUX LINES FLOWING

THROUGH A TYPE-TWO

SUPERCONDUCTOR ARE PINNED IN

PLACE DESPITE THE

ELECTROMAGNETIC FORCES ACTING

UPON THEM.

I LEARNED THAT FROM THE INSIDE

OF A SNAPPLE CAP.

[ LAUGHTER ]

DR SULLIVAN, CAN YOU CONFIRM

THAT IF MY ICE CREAM QUANTUM

LEVITATES, IT WILL BE THE ICE

CREAM OF THE FUTURE?

>> ABSOLUTELY. THAT'S JUST

SCIENCE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: EXCELLENT!

HERE WE HAVE SOME OF MY

AMERICONE DREAM.

IT'S AVAILABLE IN MINI CUPS

WHICH IS JIMMY'S IS NOT.

OKAY?

AND I CAN CONFIRM THAT IT IS

DELICIOUS.

NOW, ARE YOU READY TO SEND MY

ICE CREAM INTO THE FUTURE?

ICE CREAM OF THE FUTURE, ENGAGE!

IT LEVITATED.

IT LEVITATED.

OH, JIMMY, LOOK.

LOOK, JIMMY IT'S LEVITATING.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

EAT IT, FALON.

EAT THE FUTURE!

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

HIT IT!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]