Iran's Presidential Election

  • Aired:  06/20/13
  •  | Views: 29,979

Iran elects a moderate -- which means, instead of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad calling for Israelis to be driven into the sea, they'll be nudged into a lake. (3:56)

>> Stephen: HEY, LOOK AT

THAT.

WELCOME TO THE REPORT,

EVERYBODY.

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, FOLKS.

>> STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY

MUCH.

THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

WELCOME TO THE REPORT IN HERE,

OUT THERE, ALL AROUND THE WORLD.

MR. AND MRS. AMERICA AND ALL

THE SHIPS AT SEA.

FOLKS, IF YOU ARE REGULAR

VIEWERS OF THIS SHOW YOU KNOW I

DON'T COVER A LOT OF

INTERNATIONAL EVENTS.

I SAY IF NEWS WANTS ME TO CARE

ABOUT IT, IT SHOULD HAVE PLANNED

AHEAD AND HAPPENED IN AMERICA.

THINK, THINK, OKAY?

BUT, FOLKS, LAST WEEK A MAJOR

STORY BROKE THAT AFFECTS ME

PERSONALLY.

THEY HELD ELECTIONS IN IRAN, AND

THEN THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED,

THEY COUNTED THE VOTES.

>> A CLERIC HAS BEEN ELECTED TO

REPLACE THE CONTROVERSIAL

MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD.

>> THE NEW PRESIDENT OF IRAN

WILL BE HASSAN ROUHANI.

>> THIS IS A CANDIDATE WHO HAS

COME IN AND INJECTED SOME

OPTIMISM AND HOPE.

>> HE SPOKE OF REFORM.

>> AND HE PROMISED GREATER

PERSONAL FREEDOMS.

>> Stephen: YES, IRAN HAS

ELECTED A MODERATE, WHICH MEANS

INSTEAD OF CALLING FOR ISRAELIS

TO BE DRIVEN INTO THE SEA,

THEY'LL BE NUDGED INTO A LAKE.

SOUNDS REFRESHING.

HOW U.S. RELATIONS WITH THE NEW

IRANIAN LEADERS WILL PLAY OUT

ONLY TIME WILL TELL, FOLKS, BUT

THE BIGGER STORY IS THAT AFTER

EIGHT YEARS, WE'RE FINALLY

SAYING GOOD-BYE TO PRESIDENT

MAHMOUD

AHMA-NA-NAAA-NA-NA-NA-NAAA-HEY-E

YYY-NEJAAD.

MAHMOUD, OF COURSE, IS KNOWN FOR

A NUMBER OF QUESTIONABLE

CHOICES, THREATENING TO WIPE

ISRAEL OFF THE MAP, DENYING THE

HOLOCAUST HAPPENED, AND MOST

OFFENSIVELY, NEVER WEARING A TIE

WITH A SUIT.

EVIDENTLY, THEY DON'T HAVE

FATHER'S DAY OVER THERE.

OF COURSE, MY RIVALRY WITH

MAHMOUD GOES ALL THE WAY BACK TO

2006 WHEN I WAS PROMISED THE

COVER OF "NEWSWEEK" MAGAZINE AND

THE AXIS OF STUBBLE OVER HERE

GOT WIND OF THAT SO HE STARTS

DEVELOPING NUKES JUST TO GET

HIMSELF ON THE COVER AND PUSH ME

UP TO THE GOLDEN CORNER.

POINT-- MAHMOUD.

BUT SEVEN YEARS LATER, MAHMOUD'S

GONE, "NEWSWEEK'S" GONE, AND

LOOK WHO'S STILL HERE.

FOLKS, I'D SAY I WON HISTORY.

OF COURSE, THERE IS ONE THING I

WILL MISS, NEVER KNOWING HOW TO

PRONOUNCE HIS LAST NAME.

AHMA...MAH...-- JIMMY, JUST ROLE

THE TAPE-EJAD.

PRESIDENT-- OH, BOY, LET'S SEE

IF I CAN GET THIS RIGHT.

AH-MA-NINININI-JIHAD.

HELP ME.

HELP ME GET MY MOUTH AROUND THIS

CRAZY NAME.

AHMA-OLLYOLLYOXENFREE-NIJAD.

AH-MA-WEJUSTWONANEMMY-IJAD.

AHMAD-IN-SPACE-NO-ONE-CAN-HEAR-Y

AHMAD-IN-SPACE-NO-ONE-CAN-HEAR-Y

OU-SCREAM-IJAD.

AH-I-HEART-NEW-YORK-EJAD.

ACH-MAAA-WE-COME-FROM-THE-LAND-O

ACH-MAAA-WE-COME-FROM-THE-LAND-O

F-THE-ICE-AND-SNOW-IJAD.

I'M JUST GLAD ROUHANI IS SO MUCH

EASIER TO SAY THAN AHMADINEJAD.

WAIT!

I JUST DID IT!

COME BACK, MAHMOUD!

OH, WELL.

OH, WELL.

IT'S TOO LATE NOW.

NOW THAT THIS ATROCITY IS

HISTORY, I WILL JUST DO WHAT HE

WILL DO,

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