America's Strained Relationship With England

  • Aired:  06/14/10
  •  | Views: 106,744

Until America re-establishes its relationship with Great Britain, English muffins will be called freedom muffins, and Brit Hume is Free Hume. (3:48)

>> STEPHEN: YEAH, YEAH.

WELCOME TO "THE REPORT."

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IN HERE,

OUT THERE, ALL AROUND THE WORLD

AND ALL THE SHIPS AT SEA,

NATION, THE B.P. OIL LEAK IS NOW

OFFICIALLY THE WORST ECOLOGICAL

DISASTER IN AMERICAN HISTORY.

IT IS THE BIGGEST BRITISH MESS

TO HILT OUR SHORES SINCE AMY

WINEHOUSE.

[LAUGHTER]

AND, FOLKS, IT'S NOT JUST

STAINING OUR SHORELINES, IT'S

STRAINING OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH

GREAT BRITAIN.

JIM.

>> THE FOLKS IN ENGLAND ARE

PRETTY STEAMED RIGHT NOW BECAUSE

BRITISH PETROLEUM IS CATCHING SO

MUCH HEAT FROM THE

ADMINISTRATION.

>> THE FALLOUT FROM THE OIL

SPILL BECAME TRANS-ATLANTIC.

OBAMA KILLING ALL OUR PENSIONS.

BACK OFF, OBAMA.

>> THE WAR OF WORDS HEATING UP

BETWEEN AMERICA AND ENGLAND.

>> STEPHEN: YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE

IS HEATING UP?

OUR PELICANS' EYEBALLS, BUT THEY

ARE OUR ALLY, SO I AM OFFERING

OUR ENGLISH FRIENDS AN OLIVE

BRANCH.

JIMMIE, HOW ABOUT A LITTLE "RULE

BRITTANIA."

♪ RULE BRITANNIA ♪♪

AND HOW ABOUT SOME VIDEO TO MAKE

THE ENGLISH HAPPY.

OH, SCOOOOOOOOOOOORE!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALA-SUCK

-IT, ENGLAND!

WE KICKED YOUR ARSES, 1-1.

[LAUGHTER]

NOW, TO BE FAIR, BRITISH, I KNOW

YOU ARE DOING YOUR BEST TO KEEP

THE OIL OFF OF OUR SHORELINES,

BUT YOU WILL FAIL MISERABLY.

I MEAN, HOW CAN I PUT IT ANOTHER

WAY?

LET'S JUST SAY THE OIL WAS BALL

AND OUR COASTLINE WAS A

GOOOOOOOAL!

GOOOOOOOAL!

AND I KNOW THAT B.P.'S STOCK HAS

FALLEN 40% IN VALUE AND THAT THE

COMPANY'S DIVIDENDS AMOUNT TO

ONE-SIXTH OF BRITAIN'S PENSION

FUNDS, BUT I DON'T GIVE A FLYING

SHEPHERD'S PIE.

WHAT ABOUT OUR PENSIONERS?

YOUR OIL HAS WASHED UP ON

FLORIDA, AND IT'S GETTING ON MY

PEE-POP.

[LAUGHTER]

NOW I'VE GOT TO GO DOWN THERE

AND SCRUB HIM WITH DISHWASHING

LIQUID.

AND ALL THOSE BUBBLES CONFUSE

HIM.

HE THINKS HE'S ON THE "LAWRENCE

WELK SHOW."

AMERICA, I AM DRAWING A LINE IN

THE SAND, IN THE BLACK,

FLAMMABLE SAND.

IT IS TIME TO BRING IT TO THESE

LIMEY BASTARDS, SO FROM NOW ON,

ENGLISH MUFFINS ARE NOW FREEDOM

MUFFINS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND BRIT HUME IS NOW FREE HUME.

YOU'RE WELCOME, FREE.

AT LEAST UNTIL THIS OIL THING IS

FIXED.

THEN WE WILL REESTABLISH OUR

SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP, BECAUSE

AFTER ALL, LET'S NOT FORGET THE

U.S. AND ENGLAND HAVE LONG BEEN

ALLIES, AND THEY SHARE THE SAME

MILITARY AND ECONOMIC

GOOOOOOOOOALS!

>> AUDIENCE: U-S-A, U-S-A,

U-S-A, U-S-A,

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